The Lament of a soul

When one can see the light around them, but only feels darkness is where many of us stay silently... For we are afraid that there is no light at all. We all lament in our souls for the light, we mourn for it. But it feels like we are cut off because all we feel is darkness.

Let us start by learning why we may be stuck in this perpetual search for all that's good in the light. It can be because you grew up in an abusive household, maybe drugs were or are common in your life, you may feel as if you are all alone and no one sees you, etc. Whatever the reasoning may be we all relate to the darkness.

Now, what is the darkness? Addiction, abuse, solemn regret, lack of purpose, suicide, bitterness; the list goes on and on. We have way too many words to explain the darkness and how horrible of a place it is. Yet for light the words we have are more obscure for us to understand; love, joy, gratefulness, forgiveness, compassion, understanding. These are just some examples to keep in mind that we hear the most often.

When it comes to seeing the light and good, but only being able to feel darkness, it is truly a scary place. Anyone who is there or has been there will understand what I mean by this. We feel alone, that no one around us understands what we are dealing with, and that's largely imparted to society. Society has taught us that it is not normal nor common to feel these things in the darkness. Everyone hides their battles in it, and thus only displays on the outside the good everyone has come to expect.

By doing this society has driven the isolation that we all feel far deeper than anyone should ever experience. Have you ever done something that others thought you would feel proud of doing or accomplishing, but only feel empty or hollow. This is a conundrum for most people.

Let me give an example from my own life. It was my first job outside of school, working in a restaurant. I was still naïve and seen as driven by those around me. We all know that feeling when it seems everyone is telling you how good you are doing and becoming. You get a few raises, and now you are stuck. That is what happened to me. I moved up the chain of command too quickly, and I was fired by my general manager. Keep in mind the state I work in does NOT have to give you a reason why, nor any notice.

For me, this was unusual and hard to understand. I thought I was a valuable person to the company, but my boss saw me as a threat to his position. That was a hard lesson for me. I learned that in some places no matter how good you were, or willing to learn, someone up above you may try to squish you if they don't outright get rid of you. Because I was given no warning or anything to hint this would happen, my first thoughts were to blame myself for doing something wrong. It very soon grew into resentment, to this day I can eat at this restaurant, but not without still feeling some of the resentment toward my boss till this day.

Before and during my time at this job, I was in an unhealthy relationship. It was a vicious cycle of give, and give, and give. While it had seemed all she did was take, take, and take. I will not go into some of the details of that five-year relationship, because it can still be a sore subject for me. During that time, I truly felt isolated from everyone I cared about during that time. I was constantly put down and told I was always going to rely on others to get anywhere. Amongst many other things, including attempted suicide 5 different times in that relationship.

The darkness is a scary place because you feel alone and resentful to those who stopped your progress, amongst many other various negative emotions. When you are in this darkness and you see people around having no issues to display, and not seemingly going through any struggle at all, it festers and grows fast without you even realizing it. A lot of people turn to medicate the pain of this darkness in various ways. Alcohol, drugs, video games, and any other way they can seemingly escape their reality. Before you get mad, for me saying these things are ways of medicating the pain; just know I too did all of these.

The darkness is not picky on how it keeps you down. You are the one who picks what poison to give yourself thinking it is meant to help you. The only way people can truly break free of this maddening solitude is to recognize it and reach for help. We all have to find ways of confronting the real issues within ourselves and let me tell you, it is not pretty. Some choose therapy and quitting their addictions are just a few.

But to truly start rising above the darkness we know, we must find someone willing to help us by reaching in and helping build a ladder out of our whole. This could be a figure who inspires you, a trusted friend, or significant other. But you need some way of learning more about the light and consciously looking to implement and understand it. I know, easier said than done, but it can be done. I am a testament to this, and I have seen thousands of others do it too. It all starts with you.

This is not meant to be a cure-all solution, sometimes we truly need help for what we are going through. So take that first step. Now let us dig into the light more. We always hear people talk about gratefulness and compassion. When you are in a dark place, these can be some of the hardest to understand, right alongside love.

Let's go over gratefulness, to be grateful, you must find something that you appreciate in life. Whether it's those you care about, the fact you even woke up today, found something to inspire you, for where you live, what you ate. The list can be whatever it is you are thankful for in your life. The first step to understanding it is you need to consciously shift your thinking to look for these things. Whether it be each time you wake up and say, "Thank you for the beautiful day ahead of me!" I know it sounds cheap, but it all starts with your attitude in the morning.

If that's not you, then try starting a daily journal where you write down five things to be grateful for each day. They can be simple as I mentioned before. Eventually, your goal is to start writing more than five things, and writing about why those things made you grateful for them. We all start somewhere. Troubles finding a reason to go on struggling in a relationship, or just struggling to find meaning in each day.

Compassion can come directly after gratefulness, and in some unexpected ways might I add. Compassion is something many don't understand, let's give a few examples. Starting to tell people you care about them, reaching out because you can sense someone is having a bad time, stepping up in ways you never would have before. You can not say it's compassion when some of those around you break and cry their hearts to you because they feel safe and heard. It is compassion when you do that small gesture of good, whether it be paying someone's food for them, holding the door for someone, or even simply looking at them and giving a curt nod of acknowledgment. You will be stunned by what you will see beginning to happen around you.

With compassion, you seek understanding of others because you now know that there is more to every person's story than anyone ever sees. Forgiveness is very difficult for most because we feel we were wronged. We all know the saying, "Forgive and forget." That saying has some merit, but we need to expand on it for it to truly make sense. How can you do that with those who abused or wronged you? We can't simply forget it. Being able to forgive them is a choice, whether you can forget the grief they caused is another thing.

When we forgive someone, it is our choice. I have found it is far easier to forgive someone than to forget. So don't forget, but learn and be thankful for the lessons you learned. Things happen for you to grow stronger, not just to happen to you. Some will disagree, but it is what you make of it. Will you wallow in victimhood or rise stronger for the lessons learned. Never forget what you learned in those times, it will help your understanding and compassion.

Throughout your journey you will begin to see joy is plentiful, and we must spread it to those in darkness to give them hope. Joy is what can happen when others are grateful for the struggles you reached in and helped them through. By being in the battle with them through their darkness.

Finally, we learn love encompasses all of these emotions. We describe love very differently though because everyone believes there are different types. Let me tell you there is only one. It is just varying levels of how much you care. We love our spouse because we have built a meaningful relationship, or because we felt complete with them. Sometimes it's because you both went through struggles together and fought side by side through adversity. We all also have a love for our friends, which can be for the same reasons above, but it is shown in very different ways.

You love someone when you truly understand everything above about that person. You can even inspire it to grow. For me an example is I tell my friends why I am grateful they are in my life. I constantly communicate with my spouse and thank her for being willing to listen. In turn, these things beget more to come back, because you in turn become that light for others. And when we find a light in the darkness, a hope, or something to show us a way through the darkness, we cling to it with our lives. There is a saying that goes like this, "A heart without hope grows sick, but with the desire for hope it flourishes.

We all go through things, please have open and kind discussions down below. You don't know who will inspire with your story.