The Jump

There is an excess of inspirational quotes out there. Literal thousands encouraging you to just go with it; to take the plunge, trust in the process, trust in yourself and that by doing so, you will succeed. There is nothing wrong with that however, they are only that. A collection of powerful words, sayings, mottos and word plays. They can be used in great ways, helping to gently coax a person out of their comfort zones (which I think is the real ‘C’ word these days) so that they may experience the richness the world has to offer. For me, personally, I try to live my life guided by such things yet I learned the hard way that gentle coaxing was not enough.

One day while sitting at work I felt like my life was not going anywhere – I felt like I was barely getting by and though I knew I had people who cared about and loved me, I felt alone. I felt as though I was drowning while pretending to be fine, I must have been doing a good job since no one seemed to notice me losing my grip. I don’t know why I was unable to express this properly to anyone or why I was this way. My life, it seemed to me, was a sad and discouraging one. So, on this day, I think it was sometime in March, I chose the date that I would once and for all, end that.

I chose a day in August, that would give me time to do what had to be done before I let go. I planned my route and how I would get there. I thought a lot about what it would feel like and if I could even go through with it. I knew I had to but that didn’t change how frightened I felt. In the time leading up to the day I chose, August 26th 2017, I found that I was smiling more frequently and life did not seem so bleak anymore. The closer and closer my date came, the more and more I found I was having internal battles with myself about changing my own mind. It usually ended with something like ‘No, damn it! You have made up your mind and just because its getting better now doesn’t mean it will continue to be so. You know it. You know you have to do it.’

On August 25th I was a bundle of mixed emotions and nervous energies. On the morning of the 26th, I was filled with a calmness that was occasionally rippled with excitement. I was scared but felt ready.

My life changed that day. That is the day, in a sense, I died. That is the day, in a sense, I learned to live. That is the day I stood face to face with my past, my fears, my self-destructing habits… all that ‘ugly stuff’ and decided I was no longer going to be controlled by them. Yes, my methods to do that may have been extreme and I was not sure what it would be like, but I did know that after, it wouldn’t matter. What would be, would simply be.

The climb up was a bit of a blur, it seemed to take forever. Yet when I was at the edge, looking down at the ground so far below me, it seemed the climb had not taken long enough. I wanted nothing more than to change my mind and retreat to safety, but I knew I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. I remember glancing at the smoky, August sky thinking that this would be the last time I would see it. With that I closed my eyes as tight as I could. I think that was followed by a deep breath, I’m not sure, and then there was the jump.

I was stuck in that first second. How could I have just done that? There was no going back now, I was falling. The air rushing past my ears roared louder than anything I had experienced, yet it also seemed that there was no sound at all. I felt heavy, yet weightless. I opened my eyes. I no longer felt any fear. That could be due to the adrenaline rushing my system or my brain shutting down, again I do not know, but I smiled, I screamed, and I fell.

I was not the same person who had flung themselves over the edge when I next touched the Earth. As I was falling I remember thinking ‘I will either die or I wont, might as well enjoy the experience’ and I did. Every single second of it; even the inevitable face flappies that come with falling 200 km per hr through the sky. After that first front flip, I was so happy I followed through. My skydiving instructor, who I was strapped to, pulled the cord and our chute deployed. We then defied gravity for another few minuets, floating, spinning and gliding through the air. When we touched down, I knew I would be back to do it again!

Pause; here are some things you may not know about me. Heights, of any kind, terrify me. It is not the actual height that scares me I guess, it is the chance that I may fall. So, lets rectify, I have a fear of falling. I am also afraid of planes, trusting people, taunting Lady Luck and breaking bones. Okay, un-pause.

I always said I would never go sky diving. Nope. No way, no how, it was never going to happen. But that day in March, I was done living in this negative, restrictive world I was condemning myself too. I didn’t want to limit myself anymore because my fears of the unknown wouldn’t let me live a life I wanted to. I figured if I could go sky diving, one of the things that has almost all my fears combined into one terrifying event, I could do anything. Let me tell you – This was life changing. I honestly, wholeheartedly believe that had I not gone through with this the following year would not have been as amazing as it was.

Skydiving. As I said, it changed my life. I learned that even though it was terrifying, it was worth it. Plus, if I could skydive I could do almost anything and the only thing that had been limiting me was fear. I started to ask myself how many other things I was missing out of because of that fear. I realized that if I continued to let it rule my life I would miss out on a huge part of living and I was done with that before we touched the ground.

Some of you may not agree with how I started this writing and that is fair. But in a way, it was exactly as one may have thought it was. In jumping I killed off a part of me that had been just under the skin, telling me that if I left my little box of comfort, I would fail. From the moment I got to the skydiving center, to the second I closed my eyes took that jump (more of a fall forward as the instructor I was strapped to launched us away from the safety of the plane) and every single instant in between; that part of me tried to stop it. It knew that this was a kind of suicide. It knew that when we touched the ground, it would no longed have the hold it had over me. Obviously, I still feel fear and have my moments, but when that little voice echoes through my head, that is all it is. An echo of what that part of me.

Since I went sky diving for the first time, I have grown so much as a person. I went to a Norway for 20 days and every day I was there I was doing something I never would have done before that jump because that entire trip was outside my comfort zone. I have plans to go to the UK for three weeks with that friend as well. I went to an Expo and met four of my favorite actors and I am planning on doing so many other things I said I would never do.

So, if you have read this far, I must have caught some part of your attention. In doing so I now have a task for you. Please, for the love of yourself, take a step outside of your own comfort zones! You don’t have to jump out of a plane, like I did. But please, try to do something every day that you wouldn’t have done the day before. Build up to it if you must, so that one day, maybe you could go skydiving. And trust me when I say, if I can do it, so can you.

Don’t stay here. Go forward! I know it is scary, but it will be worth it. Because even if you fail, you’ll be better, stronger, and more capable for it. You need this change, this challenge, this growth. Go find out what life is like on the other side of you fear ~ Brooke Hampton