The God Force

Anybody else get a wave of creativity around 3am? I might be sleep or trying to sleep and a surge of creativity comes rushing in. It lasts for a good amount of time too, it’s like a god force. Everything feels possible.

Sometimes it’s not “around 3am,” but the flow of it all feels best within those wee hours. There are no interruptions, everything is quiet, outside and inside. I can clearly hear, see and feel every aspect of what I’m creating. From the scratching of my pencil on paper, as I transfer a thought into a sketch, to the crunch of fabric, as I cut out my pattern pieces. It feels good, I feel heightened and empowered in my own world.

Every step of designing excites me, because I can fully visualize the end product as I go through the process. Once my patterns are cut out, I am immediately heading to my bathroom mirror, to hold the pieces up to my body. Posing, smiling & twirling with draping fabric clinched between my fingertips and a vivid imagination of me in a warm field full of dry grass, or on the red carpet with cameras snapping me in my creation. After three good minutes in the mirror, I float over to my work table, really testing my sewing skills by not pinning the fabric pieces together. Tunnel vision. I’m entranced as I stitch neat lines and guide the fabric. Anxiously observing the needle repeatedly pierce through the fabric. Looping in and out and in and out and again, the machine and I are locked in. Finally, I lift my foot off the pedal and let out a sigh of relief. Not securing the fabric together with sewing pins was a risk, that had me on edge. A simple miss stitch could’ve abruptly interrupted my flow & tanked my energy. Fortunately my faith in me, triumphed my anxiety. Snipping off the hanging threads, I gaze upon my woven manifestation in awe... now to try it on.

This time, the posing and twirling ensue with a fitted garment hugging my frame. The material is lush and when looking this luxurious, one can’t help but hype themselves up. “Wow, I fully developed an idea and brought it to life... this is amazing, I am amazing.” I spend thirty minutes in the mirror snapping selfies. The end result of my efforts is complete and I feel complete.

Production isn’t always smooth sailing though. Sewing can be intense —broken needles, machines jamming, being stabbed by sharp pins, stitching the wrong sides together, unthreading seams... unthreading SERGED seams! I’ve sat for hours at a time, analyzing & reanalyzing sketches. Trying to calculate and translate them into a patterns. Not only is the actual process intense, mentally, but physically as well. The back pain, hand cramps and butt aches from sitting for hours all take its toll. I would be a lie if I only told the good. My blood, sweat, tears & very essence go into producing my art... literally. At times it gets so rough, it feels like the words “giving up” are jumping up and down and up and down in my mind, begging for attention. That’s when you turn your music up so the “music” in your mind can turn down. Allowing those feelings to pass without judgement, because there is space for it all. Ups, downs, mediums and mid points between those areas all come with life. Understanding that sometimes its a sprint and other times its a marathon, I’ve learned to surrender. Let go of control is a whole ‘nother story though, the point is, try to see the bigger picture. Know that when it becomes all too much, one can return later. Whether I am struggling or in the “god force,” being able to create, period... is my happiness.