The Giving Tree

I usually live up in the mountains in the Colorad0 front range, at 9000 feet in a log home, surrounded my trees and wildlife. I work from home as a graphic designer and I also taught ceramics at the local community center.

I was called to Manhattan, NY, where I grew up, by one of my mom's neighbors - as my mom looked ill. So I flew to NYC, to my childhood apartment, on the upper west side of Manhattan on March 6, 2020 - I told my husband I would see him in five days - as that was when my return ticket was booked for . When I got to mom's, she was very ill and I knew I would not be going anywhere for a while...if she lived.

Then began my seven month stay in New York City, a place I had hoped I would never live again - let alone in my childhood bedroom. My mom had roommates over the years, and because of her illness, the place was a bit of a disaster. My husband said "Make it your own, as you would now".

I thought about it... what would I want that would bring me a sense of calm after caretaking, doctor visits, hospital stays, being away from my husband and working full-time while the world was falling apart around all of us - and the first thing that came to mind was a tree.

I am an avid hiker, snowboarder, snowshoer, rock-climber, etc - this is why I live in Colorado, where the rest of the crazies, like me, live - and trees are a big part of my sanity: Had a bad day, go for a walk in the woods, feeling restless, go for a hike up a mountain, etc.

So here I am, stuck in an apartment, and all I can think about is how much I miss trees. I did not care about all the craziness around me, or all the work that I was doing to get mom well again, and keeping her sane in the process - and both of us fed (NYC went really nuts clearing the shelves of food during the beginning of the pandemic) - I just wanted a tree of my own. I was getting a lot of deliveries for mom's supplies, and there was a build up of cardboard boxes. I sat looking at them, and wished I could do more than just recycle them - so I decided to make my tree out of cardboard.

I ordered a glue gun, a pair of fiskers, a box cutter and a cutting matt - and did some drawings, figuring out how it would look, how could i stand - within the space. Then I got to work.

The base of the trunk has a skeleton tacked to the wall and everything else is is glued to that skeleton. I wanted the bark to feel dimensional, for the tree to have knots, and a couple of creatures. The top portion is glues to the trunk but also is suspended and supported by fishing line from the ceiling and the walls. The little guy by the pillows is sort of a cross between three different animals (I like silly things) and the owl in one of the branches was an ode to my wise ole dad - who had passed away last year. The smaller branches are made from packing paper that came in the boxes as well. I did not want to paint anything, but keep it as natural as possible. AND since cardboard is made from trees - it felt appropriate.

When mom was well enough to not have me be with her 24/7 I worked on the tree, or if work was not too busy either - I worked on the tree. Mom would sometimes come and sit with me as I was cutting and gluing (and cursing every time I burnt my fingers with the glue)- amazed at how it was coming to life. I was pretty amazed too. When I only had an hour here and there I made the knots or the creatures.

Once mom had full-time aides to stay with her, I asked if I should take down the tree, and both aides said no, it brought them peace too. SO when I finally went back to Colorado the tree stayed.

I went back to NYC in May, after I was fully vaccinated to give the aides some time off and to spend time with mom. I had forgotten about the tree until I arrived back in the apartment. I walked into my old room, which did not feel like my old room anymore, but a place to rest and escape from all the stress and craziness of the city around. It is the first time I had come back to my childhood apartment and felt a sense of calm. My mom came and sat with me in my room and said - "I am so happy you made this tree - it makes me so happy and makes me think of you and how much I love you, and all the love and care you gave me when you were here, when I see it."

It's just a tree, but it is my own version of a giving tree: It gives joy and peace, and in my mom's case, it gives her my love.