The Book of Gratitude

Brittani was a 27-year-old living in Las Vegas, Nevada. She had been going through a tough couple of years and she had been looking for major change in her life. She had been struggling financially as well as emotionally and spiritually. Just the past year she was evicted from her home and was living somewhere that was not ideal. She felt low and like a failure. She desperately wanted to find a way to better her life and provide a better life for not only herself but for her three-year-old son, Sebastian. She had begun getting more into her spiritual side and using meditation and crystals to calm her and give her clarity while on her path to better herself. She had also began using tarot cards as a way to connect with her spirit guides as well as candle magic. She was very interested in magic and using her intuition to guide her. It has been helpful for her and she found herself becoming less stressed about life and calmer than she has ever been before. It had also helped her connect more with nature and herself. She was getting results, but not all the results she had wanted. Specifically, when it came to her finances. She still had her struggles with having financial stability and being able to live the life she so desperately wanted.

In the past, Brittani had a hard life, as a child she watched her mother struggle to make ends meet and the stress of taking care of herself and a child cause Brittani's mother to take her frustrations out on Brittani quiet often. She was emotionally and verbally abusive to Brittani she made Brittani feel like a burden and that if it wasn’t for her, she would not be struggling the way they were. Brittani vowed she would never make Sebastian feel the way her mother made her feel, she also vowed to make a better life for Sebastian and to not have him watch her struggle like she had to watch her mom struggle.

At this point, Brittani felt like she was failing in the quest to provide a better life for her son. Although Sebastian wanted for nothing and had everything he needed. Clothes to wear, a roof over his head, toys to play with and food to eat, Brittani felt that she should be doing more. Even though they had a place to live after the eviction, it was smaller than where they previously lived and not in the best area. She was grateful for being able to keep a roof over her and her son’s head, but it was not where she wanted to be. They had lived at the small home for a year now and this was much longer than she wanted to be at the small apartment.

Determined to provide a better life, Brittani felt that it was time for a change of scenery. She decided that she wanted to move to Oregon and start a new chapter in her life. She was very excited to have this change. She was growing tired of living in Nevada, after being there for eight years, she didn’t like the weather and didn’t feel as though Las Vegas was a good place to raise a child. She began her search for a job out in Oregon. She applied to multiple jobs a day and had success with getting interviews, but was not getting any job offers. This would not derail her; she knew her path was leading her to Oregon. She would see signs everywhere, on license plates while driving, on TV shows or movies she was watching, in posts on social media, everywhere. She knew that was where she was meant to be and she would not stop to make it happen. Months went by with no luck on getting job offers, she decided to apply for jobs out in Las Vegas that had locations in Oregon as well. She had been unhappy with her current job and this would give her a chance to leave her current job while still have a way to Oregon with being able to transfer to a location out there. She felt that this would be a better choice considering she would still have to save up money to move and this would also give her a chance to do that.

She put in a few applications and thankfully got an interview and offer for a position with a company that had locations in Oregon and paid her well enough where she could start saving money to move and have a legitimate savings account. She enjoyed her new job and was so happy that she was able to save money and be able to handle her bills and still be able to have money left over to save some and be able to spend any if she wanted to. She even moved into a nice apartment that was affordable and in a nicer area than she was before. She was finally having the peace that she had been craving and things were finally going her way.

Six months into working at her new job, she had spoken with her manager about transferring to Oregon and he told her to look for open positions and she would be able to transfer. She found a position that fit her skills and one that paid more than her current position which was an added bonus. It was also in the city that she was the most interested in living in. Salem, Oregon. She excitedly applied and was offered the position. She was overcome with joy as she was getting to start the new chapter in her life and live somewhere that she had been wanting to go for the longest.

She decided to spend her last two weeks in Las Vegas, spending time with her friends and getting prepared for her trip, she was getting everything packed up and apartment hunting in Salem. She found a nice little house that the rent was reasonably priced and had a nice backyard for Sebastian. She got in touch with the realtor and applied for the house and was approved.

In her last week of living in Las Vegas, she was finalizing getting the rest of her belongings packed and making sure she had everything ready for her move. She decided that before she left, she wanted to something a little crazy and go to the new casino that had opened and gamble more than she had ever done before. She was going to gamble with one thousand dollars. She figured she had saved plenty of money and wanted to take the risk to potentially set herself and her son up in an even better spot than they were already in. She didn’t make this decision lightly, she spent days meditating and consulting her spirit guides and tarot cards to make sure she was doing the right thing. All signs were positive so she decided to follow with her intuition.

On the last night in Las Vegas, she went to the newly opened Virgin Hotel. She went to the Wheel of Fortune slot machine. This one was known to pay the highest amount. The jackpot for the slot machine was twenty thousand dollars. Brittani had already taken out the one thousand dollars from her bank earlier that day and had it in an envelope in her purse. She took three deep breaths, clearing her mind of any doubts and fears and only focused on receiving the financial blessing she deserved. She first put in one hundred dollars and placed the bet on max bet. She hit spin and started her gambling, with the first one hundred, she was winning a good amount she had gotten up to five hundred dollars and was feeling really good about her chances of winning. She started losing and was getting back down to the one hundred she put in. She put in two hundred more dollars and was back on a winning streak, she was getting free spins and coming very close to the jackpot. Once again, she started losing, she got down to fifty dollars, she started feeling discouraged, but she could feel the big win happening, so much so it almost brought her to tears. She put in another two hundred and said to herself if she didn’t win on this machine, she would go to another one. She put the two hundred in, and after 4 spins she won the jackpot. She would be winning twenty thousand dollars. Tears fell from her face and her had was shaking as she pressed the cash out button to take her ticket to the counter to collect her winnings. She tried her best to not draw too much attention to herself, she didn’t want anyone knowing she won the price. She wiped away her tears, got up from the slot machine, shaking and walked over to the counter to collect her prize. An employee verified her win, and asked Brittani if she wanted a check or cash. She selected the check option and immediately went to the bank to deposit the check into the atm and then she went home to get some rest.

Brittani was tossing and turning the whole night, she could not believe she just won twenty thousand dollars. She sat in her room crying, thanking the gods and goddesses, as well as saying a prayer to give thanks to God for this win. She was beyond thankful and so happy that she had this new found wealth to take with her to Oregon. This money was going to help her settle up old debts she had to better her financial situation and would be useful in getting her settled in Salem, she was so excited for what this would mean for her and Sebastian.

In the morning Brittani got up, somewhat tired after not getting much sleep and woke Sebastian up and they both got dressed, Brittani already had her friends help her pack up the moving truck so everything was ready to go. They went to meet up with her friends for breakfast before they would hit the road to Salem. It was teary goodbyes from her friends, she gave everyone hugs and got Sebastian in the truck and got in the truck to drive away. She didn’t tell her friends of her win because she felt it was best to keep it to herself. Brittani put the car in drive and set off to new beginnings.

Fifteen long hours later, Brittani and Sebastian made it to their new home in Salem. Brittani was getting all the boxes inside while Sebastian was in the backyard playing. Brittani put all the boxes in the living room and began to start cleaning before unpacking and putting things away. After cleaning and eating lunch with Sebastian, she started unpacking. She got Sebastian’s room together and the living room and kitchen before getting her room together. It was getting late so she took a break to make Sebastian dinner and get him ready for bed, after she got Sebastian in bed, she started unpacking her room. She got her bed put together and started putting her clothes the closet. While she was putting her clothes on the top shelf, she knocked over a little black book, she picked it up and opened it and saw a name it. “This book belongs to Serena Onyx” it read. Brittani quickly put the rest of her clothes together so she could read the book. She noticed it was getting very late and she needed to get some sleep so she wouldn’t be too tired the next day. She luckily got to Salem three days before her start day at her job so she had time to read the book. She put the book on the table and went to sleep.

The morning came, she got Sebastian up and they had breakfast and he went to play with his playdough in the living room. Brittani grabbed the book from her room and sat on the couch and read it.

In the book, there were poems starting from the 1950s. The first poem started from Serena Onyx, but the more Brittani read, there were poems from several more women, the most recent poem from a year ago from a woman named Lola. In one of the first pages of the book, Serna had written, “I write a poem in this book to show gratitude and thanks for the journey I have taken in life and the blessings I have received to lead me to where I am today. I will leave this book in this house after I’m gone so that the next tenant will find it, with hopes they will write a poem as well and pass it on so that this book is filled with poems of gratitude that can potentially inspire whoever reads them to be thankful for the journey and what they have, and thankful for the blessings that have brought them to their path at the time of receiving this book.”

Serena's poem had been about her husband fighting in the Vietnam War and how thankful she was that he returned home safely and that they were able to buy a beautiful home for their family. She was grateful for the journey she took with her husband being away at war and how she had to be strong for not only herself and her husband but for her children as well. She was grateful that journey made her realize her strength and that helped her until her husband returned. The next poem was from a woman named Elizabeth, who bought the home from Serena in the 80s. She wrote about being grateful for leaving an unhealthy relationship after spending ten years feeling stuck in a relationship where she was the only one with a legitimate job and was taking care of most of the finances for her and her partner. She expressed gratitude for the journey of the relationship, which helped her realize her worth and what she did not want in a relationship, and was thankful that she found the strength to leave and move on even though it was scary to have to start over. The next poem was from two sisters, Monica and Rachel. The sisters had lost their parents in a terrible car accident. Monica being the oldest, at eighteen got a job and rented the house from Elizabeth who had given her a good deal on rent. Monica wrote on the journey she had to take since her parents' death, having to grow up and take care of her younger sister, she wrote about how painful it was to lose her parents and how scared she was to be raising Rachel, but she was grateful that her parents raised her with good morals and gave her the tools she needed to be able to handle the task. Rachel wrote about the journey she’s had with losing her parents and how heartbroken she was, but she showed gratitude for having Monica as her sister and she was grateful she took on the task to take care of her. She expressed gratitude for having Monica to lean on.

Brittani, with tears in her eyes from reading all these women’s poems took a break to play with Sebastian and get him lunch. She decided she would read the last entry, Lola’s poem at night after she put Sebastian to sleep. She wanted to have the time to read it and get her thoughts together for her poem. Throughout the day she felt extreme happiness, reading those women’s poems and what they had gone through, being able to show gratitude for the journey they went through. No matter how painful and being grateful for where they were at the time of writing their poems. It made her reflect on her life and all she had been through, to most recently moving to the city she wanted to be in, working a job that fulfills her needs, and winning twenty thousand dollars. She realized everything she went through in her past led her to the blessings she has received currently, and realized how thankful she was to have been through all she had endured to be the women she was today. Much like the women who wrote the poems.

Night came, Sebastian was sleep, and Brittani was in her bed reading Lola’s poem. In her poem she wrote about her journey, she had lost everything. Her home, relationship, job and her husband. She wrote about feeling lost and wanting to give up, she was now a single mother of three and didn’t know what to do. She writes about being grateful for friendship, her best friend helped her get back on her feet, taking her and her kids in, helping her get a new job and get back on her feet. She wrote about being able to move into the home after her coworker, Elizabeth let her know the house owned had a vacancy. She expressed the gratitude she felt for having friends to lean on while she was at her lowest, that had helped her gain strength and take care of her kids. She showed gratitude for the journey she had to get her to a stronger person.

Brittani finished the poem, she grabbed a pen from her table, closed her eyes, took three deep breaths and began to writer her poem.

“Here’s to the girl, whose known much pain, never fully knowing if she would ever feel whole again. She went through much struggle and known so much pain, but each time she got back up ready to fight again. The journey was long, many times she wanted to quit, but she kept going and found happiness that she never thought could exist. Freedom is what she craved, and it all seemed like a dream, but now this girl has more than she ever believed. She thanks the moon and the stars for all that she has been through because now this girl has strength that nothing can ever compare to.”