The believer part 2

The believer

Having a disability!

Having a disability is sometimes not fun you always think your being looked at differently, or being treated like shit. What you always have to think about though is is your a human like everyone els in the world! No one is perfect or normal. Ever since I got diagnosed with my disability I definitely felt out of place especially K-4th grade, because I was in public school. Then when I went to privet school it was like a fresh start I guess it had its ups and downs for sure. One of the biggest achievements of my athletic years in middle and high school was hitting a home run in middle school that was a highlight of my middle school baseball career I for sure thought I was getting baseball player of the year! Then comes banquet and they gave it to someone els but, the next award was the best teammate/spirt award. That award a received! I was really mad I did not get the baseball award but,I accepted the award and I was proud to accept it!

Moving up ceremony middle school!

In a moving up ceremony at Carmel academy, in what was very interesting because, we all had a line in a Bruno Mars song I was always trying to sing become famous but never succeeded in that but I did get a standing ovation for something, what was my moving up ceremony right after I sang these exact words of a Bruno Mars song “ find out what where made of when we are when we are called to help our friends in need” right after that the whole crowd screamed and cheered!

What past decisions I made?

Fast forward to 2017, I graduated high school thinking I was on top of the world. A few months after high school I moved to Long Island. Witch was not I great place for me. I started making stupid decisions like smoking I was out of shape and depressed But that’s not the only reason why I smoked there were other reasons too. I thought I was cool by smoking weed, cigarettes, and vaping. But at the end of all that, I knew it was just making me worse! My point is that you don’t have to smoke to be cool.There are so many other and better ways to be a cool person.When I realized that It took me more than a few months to tell my dad that I started smoking, going out to places I should not be I thought he was going to get so mad at me my dad and mom helped me get out of that situation. We looked into other independent living programs I said to my mom said I want something a lot more strict than the last one. To be honest most teenagers don’t want that but I knew I needed help!I would say by September of 2018 I stopped smoking weed, cigarettes and vaping I knew it was not the route I wanted to go on! I wanted to become successful and not smoke my way to not being successful. Anyways I know I’ve made those bad decisions in the past. I Feel like making mistakes makes you a better person.

Defeat your anger:

When I have an argument with a family member or friends and it does not happen often but, when I do I try not to sweat the small stuff and not get to angry. Getting angry is not going to help you in any way it’s just going to get you in trouble!

Where I was in 2018-2019

In September of 2018, me and my parents went to Utah to put me in this boy's house at Waterfall Canyon Academy.I did not know anyone there but my goal was not to meet new people at that point. My goal was to move out and get my apartment! I received this list of things to do before I could move out like, get a job, and earn trust with staff members.The first week I was in the program I received an email from burger king, not the best job you want to have but, it was something. It shows how badly I wanted my independence! Don’t get me wrong I was a very dedicated and hard-working guy but then this happened... One day I was at work and my mom calls me from work and she usually never does that, but she called me and said Sam Bubbie died at first I was shocked. I was outside of a Burger King on my break. Then I Just Ran into Burger King crying so bad I had to go home. Bubbie was the world to me she believed in me no matter what I did, but when I did do something wrong she knows it and still does know from heaven. The point I’m trying to make is no matter what you do your supporters will always be there for you witch is your family. Before I received my keys to this awesome place called ATL, it was Like a boy's house but you have your studio apartment! I met this awesome guy named Mark Nye he was a super cool guy he knew what he was talking about from day 1 when I stepped into Atl. There were some struggles down the way. But I always had my support team helping me. I can’t thank them enough for what they did and are still doing for me!

Where I was in 2020?

In June of 2020, I moved into my apartment building where I thought I was set. All of a sudden I’m not myself again. I was lonely, depressed, and wanted to go home! So I took it into my own hands, and went to my friend's house! Then my support team realized what I have to do to stay in one place and then set a GOAL of where I want to be! I then entered this place in Florida called New Directions where I am having my currently living in my own apartment again there are a lot of struggles here. I recently found spend I lot of money on my credit card witch my parents currently fund I had fun for 1 week but I felt guilty wile having fun. I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do, but I did it anyways. When my parents called me they were upset and so was I. I am super depressed. What I want people to take from this story is not to do the things I did. I currently feel that I should look forward and talk to my parents before I make any big decisions because I know they love me.

White walls- times ticking

I’m September of 2021 I was admitted to the weschester county hospital for not taking my meds and I major infection in my foot! It could have lead to my ankle being amputated I have made a lot of mistakes in 2021! All I wanted to do is leave the hospital But My anger management had to stop! I also had to get back on my anti depression medication because I was off that, but All I could do is count time. Little did I know every outburst I had coast me an extra day or 2! After the hospital I was sent back to Florida to this temporary program called Banyan. Banyan helped me out big time with different groups and different strategies to help my anger management and depression issues. Even when I got super angry at Banyan they seemed to help me calm down 1 week at Banyan goes by and I’m still there. I was a little surprised and mad at the same time, but I took deep breaths and was ok within 15-20 minutes. Week two hits and I’m like now I’m really getting a discharge date. Still no discharge date. I was like what is going on! There really is no fix to both of my main diagnosis because it is A life long battle that a lot of people have to deal with including me, and I will continue to battle my depression and anger.

Don’t fight the pain :

When I went to hospital , the doctor was so close to have amputated my ankle if not my leg but he ended up giving me some medicine witch reduced the swelling and thankfully I was better. If I waited any longer I definitely would have not had a right ankle. The point of this chapter is if you are in pain mentally or physically please go get help As soon as possible even if your scared And, don’t be like me or people who wait to long and regret it! Fortunately for me I did not loose my ankle and I’m currently back on the baseball field!

The final part: the year 2021

Thanksgiving is here and 2021 is coming to an end with the holidays ahead of us I’m thankful for my family they have helped me through my bad times in 2021 and there have been manny bad times. But, think to your self what are you thankful for and why?

My goal for this thanksgiving is to eat good food go Black Friday shopping but most importantly see family because that’s what it’s all about! It was definitely weird going back to New Directions after almost 2 months of being gone. I was definitely scared how people would treat me knowing that I’m just coming back to a place that I picked up my stuff a left them hanging. Anyways, It has officially been One week out of Banyan. My program I was in before all this sends me to a boys house I thought it was a big setback but it’s teaching me to become a better person. This time I definitely am not going to rush things I’m going to take my time to get back into my own apartment! Once I do go back into my own apartment that does not mean the end! obviously there will still be road blocks like there is in everyone’s life but, there are always ways around those road blocks no matter who you are. As I continue to battle with depression and anxiety I want to let everyone know it does not have to be life ending instead you can make it a game by seeing how you progress daily on how you do by dealing with anxiety and depression. For example a few days before writing this sentence I had anxiety attack but to prevent me from freaking out I took 5 deep breaths and was back to normal. Even if your at a job and you tell your boss I have to go to bathroom or something! Because your having or about to have an anxiety attack take them time you need because trust me they won’t fire you because of a medical disability!

2022 got off to a pretty rough start for me. I was working but then got side tracked by going out to much when I had to get up really early! I ended up getting warn out and calling in sick and then later getting fired! Then it was back to the drawing bored of what I should do! I ended up finding this really good job at Fla live arena home of the Florida panthers! But, about a month In of me working, I was literally about to clock out from a concert that just played at the arena. Then all the sudden I dropped everybody thought I literally died because I was not moving but then I had seizure literally minutes or seconds when I basically woke up from whatever that was I was rushed to the hospital and later it was determined I have a blood clot in my brain I am currently on medication and can’t thank everyone on my support team for there hard. I also just recently went back to work after a month out of it. And remember live your life at the fullest!

Thank you! I hope this story can motivate everyone

This story is dedicated to Mom Dad My two sisters and the rest of my family and friends!