Surviving To Live--Through Life's Lens

The image above alerts me that I can be, live, and survive whatever challenges life brings me.

I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression more than fifteen years ago. It was treated with Zoloft and Amitriptyline. The side effects were devastating. I felt it all. All of their side effects inflicted more pain upon me mentally, psychologically, and often physically while disabling my intentions, actions, choices, and decisions. It also halted my dreams and disrupted my ability to do my job as a mother and wife. It adds so much pain to my life, and I do have days when I demand from life, “Is death better than this?”

Depression does make some of its victims suicidal. My life is never without pain, but I would rather live. I know life. I don’t know death, but I do have days when I wonder about it.

The medication fixed one issue and created several more, making living almost impossible for me. Sadness held on, sucking the joy and hope from my heart, mind, body, and soul. I have days when I want to lock myself into a room and stay there. I don’t want to talk to or see anyone. Being an introvert increased my desire to be alone. The few people in my life who knew did their best to motivate me. But I want to stay in that dark place, embraced by hopelessness and sadness. I want to be left alone by everyone.

In my culture, mental illness or anything linked to depression is considered a curse or the sins of the father. It is thought of as a generational payback from life. When many see the mentally ill on the street, young or old, the first thing that comes to mind is they did something evil to someone, and life paid them back. Then, they are physically, verbally, and emotionally abused. Mentally ill people are treated without humanity, regard, care, or feelings.

Here, you witness the cruelty in its most painful form.

Most victims never get treatment or recover. They are terrified to be labeled mad, so many suffer in silence. They deny themselves happiness and the opportunity to live and fulfill their purpose. They allow society and humanity to rob them of a chance to add something positive and productive to our world. Fear, hopelessness, and sadness become their companion.

Mentally ill humans are stigmatized and treated without humanity in my culture. Families disown them, and many live on the streets. Living in a poor country worsens it, as limited resources are available to help make their life better. Poverty makes everything worse. Various religious organizations and charities do help, but more needs to be done as Mental health issues are out of control now worldwide too.

#Iintend2Survive, so I must find better ways to live and release the sadness and hopelessness.

I decided to find a healthier way to treat my depression. Food didn’t help, so I decided to try to change my thinking. This battle was hard. I am so sad many days that I quickly go for walks so my husband won’t see me crying.

On my walks, I see many things. One got my attention and instilled hope—hope that nothing else can give. I see plants growing out of rocks.

How is this possible?

Aren't they aware that their surroundings are hell? There is no hope for them?

There is no hope here. But this plant shows resilience.

These two plants found hope and held on, finding ways to live and survive.

I had to stop and stare for a while, wondering how. Asking life, “How can this plant grow in such a hostile environment with almost no soil?”

If these plants can grow, bloom, and survive with almost nothing, why can't I with so much?

So, whenever I walk, I take pictures of them.

They motivate, uplift, encourage, and give me a reason to go on.

I let the hopelessness and sadness go.

They have no one to care for them, but they still go on.

They grow and bloom, bringing joy to everyone who passes by and admires them.

They can’t feed themselves; the rain feeds them. But they still fight for life to live and share something essential with humanity!

Their environment is arid, mean, and cruel without empathy, but they still grow. I sometimes asked Life, "Why? Why do plants choose to exist in such an environment?"

Plants bring joy and smiles while beautifying their surroundings, adding a beautiful scent, too, while allowing us to breathe.

How do they survive and still look happy and healthy in such a hard and cruel space?

They don’t worry about their surroundings; they give Earth their best no matter what, allowing humans to breathe and live.

Plants increase oxygen, allowing us to breathe. They also help to improve moods and reduce stress. Without plants, humans can’t live or survive. But without humans, plants can.

If they can survive in hell, so can I. This tiny flower tells me that life is a precious gift that must be lived and enjoyed with happiness and love, not taken for granted.

They don’t worry about where they are and what they can’t do; they just keep giving their best day after day.

If they can, in their hostile environment with limited resources, so can I.

Then, after lessons learned, life explains, as these plants taught me that it doesn't matter where you live. It's how you live.

Each of them shared hope. Hope I need to eliminate depression and the sadness and hopelessness it shares. #Iintend2Survive, so hope is everywhere I turn.

Now, I am sharing hope with you!

Don't give up hope, no matter what life dishes out to you. Find hope even in hell. It's everywhere around you in the most unique places, hidden in plain sight.

Thank you for reading this piece. I hope you enjoy it.