Speech Therapy

It all started when I was around two years old, I didn't make any sounds or pronounce any words like any other toddlers at that age. At first, my pediatrician taught I was probably deaf and that was the reason why I couldn't speak. But to be, they sent me to get an audiometer test and everything came out fine. It took me years to speak and pronounce sounds properly. My pediatrician recommended I seek out more therapy and I can get more in my community school. I received therapy out of school and in school like twice every week. When my mother would take me to speech therapy it would take her three hours. During school, I was taken out of class for the majority of class time, which resulted in my not understanding the class material. Whenever I went back to class, I felt lost because I saw how everyone was understanding everything and I didn't understand a thing. I would get frustrated and not understand why I had been left from everything when the rest of the students were having so much fun learning and I had been behind as if I was not even there or existed. I felt lonely and I would fall asleep during class since I didn't see the point in trying to catch up if I was already far behind the rest of the students. What was the point in trying when they were already far ahead of me, I thought. I felt lost, lonely, and like I didn't belong there nor anywhere in general. In Spanish, we have a phrase for when one doesn't feel like they belong, which we would say "El bicho raro". Everyone had already made their own groups of people whom they liked and I was treated as well as seen as the outcast. So I thought what was the point of trying to make friends or talk to people if when I tried they would just ignore me and leave me out of their groups and friends. That was when I decided to be a loner and talk to people only when they talk to me. Also, there is another reason why I decided to be a loner. That is because as soon as I finished my speech therapy people would make fun of my speaking, call me names, talk bad about me, humiliate me, and physically abuse me. It was difficult for me to speak at first but over the course of time, I began making sounds and so on. There were times when I would get frustrated and irritated with myself because I would see other children my age speaking like it was nothing. Then I would look at myself and I would get sad. I didn't understand why I was the only child who had such a difficult time speaking or at least making a sound. I also didn't understand why the rest of my classmates would treat me so cold and pretend like I was never there in class or even existed. Except for one person who was my best friend and would later be my first love. However, that is a story for another time. This aside, whenever I tried to speak to my classmates, they would ignore me and pretend I was not there. I really disliked the idea. I would often go home depressed because of the way I was treated in school and outside of school. Even though there were very few people who did accept me the way I am like my mother, my brothers', my uncle, my family friend, David, and my best friend. I didn't feel that anyone understood me, except for my best friend who would be there for me when I needed him or someone to be there for me, he would share his shoulder with me when I needed to cry over every abuse I went through, he would give me moral support, and he would also make smile even when I didn't feel like smiling or laughing. I felt that didn't belong anywhere and I thought that maybe my existence was a mistake. And I didn't have any appeal. I would wonder for hours why everyone would ignore me and why whenever I tried to talk to people they would also pretend I was not even there to begin with or why people would treat me as if I had something wrong or some kind of disease to the point where they would just avoid looking or interacting with me. However, no matter what I did or how hard I tried to answer my own questions, I could never understand nor come to a final conclusion as to why people acted and treated me the way they did. It was just difficult, complicated, and complex for me to understand and it made me feel like trash. As if I were nothing, but I was a simple piece of garbage left there in the ground to rot. I felt as if I was the only one who was weird and that I was better off somewhere where people can accept me, but no matter what I did I could not find anyone who I felt truly accepted me for who I am. So I decided since I do not have anyone who can accept me, other than my best friend, my mother, my brothers', my uncle, and my family friend. (My father was never there for me, I grow up without my father. My mother and father would argue and fight a lot when they were in the same house. The only one who acted like a father was my uncle and my family friend.) Then I didn't see why I should have to try to or even open up to people. When I started speech therapy I was two years old and my speech therapy ended when I was 10 years old. When I was 10 years old I finally achieved my goals of evaluation.

Looking back now I can say that going through these situations and challenges helped in more ways than one. I am grateful to God for putting me through these challenges because it made me stronger and more resilient. It also gave me a different perspective than I would have had had I not gone through these challenges.