Smile: A Deceptive Tool?

When we come across people, the first thing that usually strikes us is their facial expression. We hope for a friendly or cordial encounter; so a smile is the first image that creates our impression about them.

It is amazing how a smile can create a positive impact on our minds. The person becomes approachable and perhaps, easy to converse with. Nevertheless, some people believe that business is business and you need not smile to create an impression. Having met quite a few of those people, I would dare say that they certainly are not very pleasant to be around.

In our personal life, we tend to smile to either look friendly or to hide our fears and nervousness or rather, to pretend to be someone else; and if others don’t realize our intentions we usually get away with a smile.

Many of us have come across people who, through trials and tribulations of time, manage to put up a brave smile in front of the world. They are those who try to hide their pains and tears in a facade of smiles. Those who feel secure and protected by controlling their urge to show those around them how much fear they may have known; or till what extent pain has nearly destroyed their nerves.

When I met Sandra, I was immediately drawn towards her smiling, optimistic and friendly personality. She always met each person with an energetic positivity that was hard to explain. In my 2 years of knowing her, I had never seen her frowning or arguing with any of her colleagues at work. No matter how busy she was she always had a smile for anyone who went to her with a question. People used to comment and wonder about how a person could be happy all the time. They, along with me, assumed she must have a very fulfilling life.

Soon I left for another opportunity and got busy with life, so I had no contact with Sandra. Not until a few weeks back when I was doing my grocery shopping, I saw a weak and dismal looking familiar face standing outside the store; smoking a cigarette. At first I didn’t recognize her; but upon a closer look I was taken aback by the change in the person I had known. It was Sandra and I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Gone was her smiling face, gone was the positive energy that she emanated, gone was the confident figure that she once was. All was replaced by a dreary and depressing expression.

As I moved closer to her I was skeptical whether I should approach her or not, as I thought maybe she wouldn't recognize me. Fortunately, she did recognize me but seemed uneasy with her half-hearted smile. After a brief conversation, I invited her for a cup of coffee in the nearby Tim Hortons and she complied. Her quietness and subdued answers were scaring me, as I was still in a state of shock regarding her demeanour.

No sooner we sat ourselves in the corner, with a cup of coffee Sandra burst into tears. She started with a whimper and then sobbing uncontrollably. I did not know what to do, or how to react. I had always seen her as an energetic figure who seemed to handle everything perfectly and that too, with a smile.

The only thing I could ask was, “Are you ok?”

I was dumbfounded.

It is perhaps, we as humans find it difficult to replace an already established image of a person with something that is hard to accept. Once our brain creates a profile on someone it tends to stay there till something drastic doesn't happen.

After her sobs ceased, she apologized for her emotional state and started giving words to her disturbing thoughts. Her current state was an accumulation of her past events that kept on building inside her. That long list of agonizing happenings in her past suddenly emerged when her most recent experience baffled her and seemed to break her apart.

Throughout her life she had faced extreme mental and physical pain as years ago she had been a victim of sexual assault at the tender age of 6, from the hands of a barbaric neighbour. She had been raped by the then love of her life, just as she had turned 16. Later in life, she was always confronted with negative encounters with strangers who were drawn towards her innocent and smiling face. When she finally got married, that turned out even worse as it ended in a messy separation.

In spite of her pain she always kept that smile, hiding the stabbing realities and building a shell around herself. She never let the world share her silent struggles and fears. All the world saw was: SMILES.

It is amazing how we take a person’s smiles for granted. We think they have no pains or trauma, when in reality they may have faced the worst situations in life. The smile is used as a deceptive tool so that the world does not see their dilemmas and battles.

No matter how much a society has advanced, there is still that streak of stereotyping for single women who try to fight their battle alone. Their struggles are considered wild and they are judged by every action they do when they stand up for themselves. If women smile they are considered available and sluttish; and if they have that stern look all the time, they are considered bossy and arrogant.

Today women are battling multiple challenges in their life; whether it be in the form of a wife, partner, leader, mother, daughter or even a co-worker. The world has set high expectations for her because she is willing to become that someone. She hides her personal struggles in smiles to prove that she is strong enough to tackle life. And, there is no doubt that she succeeds in achieving those goals.

Yet, I wonder what she is doing to herself; her personal self; her inner woman. In a quest to prove her worth to the world with a smile, does she actually forget what makes her happy? Does she ignore what her inner voice really wants her to do just because she may not have the choice to hear that voice?

In the process of becoming strong, she may forget that smiles are meant for her as well. She deserves to smile from the heart; to make herself complete.

The question is: a smile can be a deceptive tool to use; but is it worth thinking whether the deception is for others or for herself?

The video link below is worth a watch: