Self Doubt and it's Affect on Artists

Self doubt is possibly one of the most painful and powerful emotions that any person can experience in their lifetime. It is only natural for every human being to question themselves, in one way or another, many times throughout their lives. Questioning your skills and beliefs can actually be a positive thing as it allows you to explore new ways to grow as a person and harness your talents in new and even exciting ways, this is especially true for people in creative fields. In fact I believe that it is quite highly likely that every artist will ask the question "Am I good enough to do this?" at least once in their careers, possibly even multiple times, and such is the question that I was forced to ask myself all last night.

It was twelve-thirty in the morning on a Wednesday and while my family is comfortably resting and finding a moment of serenity in their dreams I am still awake, covered in a million shades of purple and grey paint while working on an entry to yet another art competition. And while I stare intensely at the impressionist landscape that I have worked on for a whole two days I contemplate whether or not my time was well spent, and if my technique had improved at all since I first started painting four years ago. Furthermore, had I really truly accomplished anything during the past year, and was it wrong of me to postpone going to college? After all I hadn’t won any of the competitions I’d entered nor had I sold a single painting to anyone. It was during this contemplation that I snatched up an old half done painting that I'd abandoned a good three months ago, took a deep breath and painted over it with a heavy layer of white acrylic paint, masking any trace of the painting that had once lived on that aging canvas. Then I begin painting a much over thought painting of a farmers field, an image that has most likely been painted a million times by a million different artists. After having completely covered the canvas in white paint I sat back in my chair and stared at what I had done, in doing so exhaustion had finally set in and I went to bed.

The next morning the question as to the existence of my talents, or lack there- of, was still weighing heavy on my mind. After having spent a great many hours in the early part of the day and becoming slightly irritable with each passing minute my attention was caught by a familiar image, upon a shelf above the tv in my parents living room I saw the first painting I had made when I was fifteen years old. Wanting a closer look at the details of this painting I attempted the fairly dangerous task of bringing the painting down for more extensive viewing. This genius process consisted of a chair and an extendable duster, after having knocked the painting down onto the floor I spent a good ten minutes attempting to remove all of the dust and cobwebs. While I looked at the painting I took note of the unfinished edges, the faded colors, and the countless patches of white canvas poking through the painting itself I realized just how far I had come since having made that first painting and how much further I still have to go. And so this is my message to all artists struggling with insecurity and self doubt, don't linger too long on the doubt that you feel because giving up on your aspirations will only ever lead to the worst feeling that any human will ever feel, regret.