Self Compassion: What Does It Really Look Like?
Small but meaningful ways you can bring true self-compassion into your life
“You’re inner critic is simply a part of you that needs self-love”, Amy Leigh Mercree
The last few years seem to have been full of mistakes for me. One after another, just piling up like a Jenga puzzle. Ready to collapse at any given moment. What I realized is that every mistake comes with an emotional impact. It ignites feelings of shame, guilt and fear. These can overwhelm you and take over your progress. You become paralyzed and stuck. What I’ve discovered is only you have the power to overcome this obstacle. There is one sound answer to heal from these wounds, and that is self-compassion.
What is self- compassion? According to Wikepedia, “self-compassion is extending compassion to one’s self in instances of perceived inadequacy, failure of general suffering. Self-compassion entails being warm towards one self when encountering pain and emotional shortcomings, rather then ignoring them or hurting one’s self with self-criticism”.
This is a wonderful concept but how does one extend compassion and warmth to yourself when you are drowning in negative emotions? I did a little research on how to learn to have self-compassion. Below are the concepts I discovered.
Rephrasing negative statements into positive affirmations
You may say to yourself, “I have to do more, I have to do better.” Try to rephrase this into “you are doing the best you can and it’s enough.” “Everyone has to like you”. No, “You have to like yourself”. Another example would be, “your worth depends on your success”. Tell yourself, “your worth is already inherent, regardless of your success”. By changing this negative self-talk into powerful statements of self-compassion you rewire your brain to believe it. Write these self-compassion statement down. Put it on a post-it and place it somewhere you’ll see it frequently as a gentle reminder that you are enough.
Care for your appearance and your body
Caring for your body entails some basics: eat properly, get a little exercise, practice good sleep hygiene, all those things you learned as a child that we seem to forget when we are under stress. Sometimes you have to make a conscious effort to do these tasks, so do what you have to do to make it a habit. Small changes will eventually lead to better care. Caring for your appearance can include good grooming and wearing clothing that sends a message that you care about yourself. Sure, there is some truth in not caring what others think about you. Some days you will want to be lazy and wear pajama pants. But sometimes giving the best version of you to the outside world, versus the worst, will only enhance your feelings of confidence.
Set personal boundaries
Realize that your mistakes only make you human. Know that your truth is just that, yours. Other people’s opinions simply do not matter and you do not have to justify yourself. You do not need approval from others and you are not a failure. Stand up for yourself when challenged. Know within that you belong and other people are not always going to like you. That is ok. Because truly, a life obsessed with acceptance is just a waste. Finally, you are not responsible for other people’s emotions. How they react is their deal and doesn’t lie with you. Just do you.
Practice true self care
Self-care is taking ownership of your life. It is giving yourself a voice and choosing not to be a victim in your own life. Self-care is more than baths and manicures. Some “out of the box” ideas for self-care include going to the doctor regularly, paying your bills on time, learning a new skill to get a better job, learning to cook healthy recipes and washing those damn dishes! By being on top of these things, you simply just feel better about you. Isn’t that what self-care is all about?
I am not an expert. I am simply a flawed human who has to make a conscious effort everyday to practice a little self-compassion. If I don’t, I will drown in self-loathing and misery. That is no place that I want to sit. You don’t deserve to be there either. So be kind, loving and compassionate to the most important person in your life….you!
About the Creator
Tierni Marie
I just want to share my life experiences and the valuable lessons I've learned. Expert in anything I am not, but student to life I will always be. I hope by sharing my struggles and triumphs, I can reach others who may resonate. #strength
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