Re-Designing My Life

I am at my most Zen when I'm creating, whether it be by draping cloth on Chloe (Chloe C my Mannequin .. she's my Ace since design school - we worked hard and made it through. I was the oldest student in class at the time and we still managed to graduate Cum Laude .. Chloe's been here with me through it all, every bit of the craziness from Chicago to the Southeast U.S.A., marriages and divorces, house to house, outfit after outfit - over 2 decades) ... or, if I'm re-working a pattern, especially for me, I stand over 6 feet tall, so my clothing always has to be just so and making it myself is my awesome superpower. Since design school, 90 percent of what I wear ... I create and make myself. I love getting a piece of cloth, asking it what it wants to be and then, bringing it to completion, that is such an amazing rush - it just feels so good. Ok, I'll say it, creating has become my Respite, whenever I feel like there is something missing, or if I get a bit lonely or sad, or mad, I get out a piece of cloth, get the scissors and make myself something beautiful.... (so yes, creating is officially, my boo thang).

This is why at the ripe young age of 61, I decided to go ahead and retire from the day job, sure I'd get a bigger pension if I stayed until I'm 66 or 70. Heck, $500 to $1000 more respectively... not a bad demo. However, with the world the way it is now, I keep feeling like NOW is the time to crap or get off of the pot (as the wise folks used to say). I'm thus getting out now - while I can (without full benefits and all that jazz), on my dawning of my 62nd year on this planet in September 2021.

My goal is and I intend to ... live my best creative life. I will re-design, re-craft, re-create my world one garment at a time by re-starting my Fashion Business, ... this time though, ain't no turning back! No job to go back to ... Just me, God ... and of course, the craft.

Sounds great and like I have it all together, right -- wrong ... thing is, I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to do it. Do I have thousands in my savings like I'm supposed to at this age? No! A huge social media network with a couple million followers? No! A Sugar Daddy, because I think I'm cute and I look a little younger than I am? No!! Nope, don't have none of that. Then there is the question of fear -- Is there fear of the unknown, not getting the regular paycheck lifestyle that is so much easier to accept ... especially at my age --? Absolutely. It'd be a full out lie if I represented otherwise.

Something in me keeps saying ... I have to do this, the thought of it won't let me go! Hell, I don't even know what designs I'm going to start with .... just burning in me to simply try, finally try, give it a whirl, why not. Suppose it's all about that you only live once stuff, and then the not getting to the end and having regrets, because of fear, right?

So now I say to myself quite regularly as it gets closer to September, mind you - Self, "what do you have that makes you even think something is possible at this stage of the game?" Then because I am a bit touched, I answer back ... "Well, you have the tools, the mind and heart, the love of the craft, the ability to create and actually make stuff that people seem to like, yo girl Chloe's got your back, eventually will have to get her a couple friends, some back-up..."

At the end of the day, who knows what will happen when you use the knowledge, gifts, skills, craft, that is contained in the depth of your Soul to positively affect your world. No one knows, but what I do know (for sure) is that ....I can only go up from here, especially when I create something beautiful everyday.