On Purpose & Goals

Wondering about my life again. Thinking about my past in relation to my future. First: what does it mean to have a plan? Where do my actions go when the unknown becomes familiar? What happens when novelty in my life choices becomes a safe routine leading me towards an income, a house, and a family? Won't I continue the same thing over and over in pursuit of stability? Where even am I going?

Death isn't merely an end, it is an all-pervasive force that instills entropy from the moment we are born, the force that compels us to race for a solution to uncertainty, often at the expense of our innocence and freedom of choice. This loss is different than the lack of novelty of discovering the world, travel, or gaining new knowledge or a hobby. It's a looming, persistent threat to one's perspective, coercing logic that seeks survival first.

Give the limited understanding I have, I wonder if my intentions and planning in life are inhibiting the opportunities and stories my life could have. In this way, I feel there are several parts to living. First there is waking up to the idea that life has the potential for a path of your own creation, yet confused about it and so many questions unanswered. Now in the present is sort of the second phase: working "according to plan" to go somewhere in particular. It makes me think, is it a bad thing for me? Is this what I want?

When I make one concrete choice, it is inevitable that innumerable other experiences are severed as a consequence of direction. Although it is nigh impossible to absorb what all of life has to offer, poor intentions or even lack of understanding can certainly close the doors to the best outcomes.

A person I knew once said it is better to walk through straight through darkness than surrounded by glimpses of light. To this day, I think about this analogy, considering darkness as our shared fear. The unknown and the incomprehensible is intertwined with the threat of death itself. The path is untrodden, but it is also dangerous. It's a chance, for better or for worse. One wrong move could mean a grave mistake that endangers us or our loved ones.

In human nature, then, it is easier for us to follow the light created for us than create a path that completely fulfills our need for meaning. It's not even about breaking away from things already established, it's solely the risk involved with achieving what we desire. It's about willingly adopting the path of least resistance with the assurance of occupational security, leading to material versatility that affords us fulfillment. Wouldn't the ends justify the means?

However, let us all consider history. Humanity has truly never been in a state of total prosperity, with wide divides in power and free agency throughout the majority of our existence. Even if we are supposedly more equal in social mobility and personal independence than ever before, at least in the West, it is clear within our sheer concern over economy, ecosystem, climate, and oppression that we are still in or headed to hard times.

All of this is to say, the illusion of security we are given is only symptomatic of the kind of society which we live, and is by far not the norm. Consider the suffering endured by the vast majority. So what do we make of this?

What I'm trying to convey is the fact that the subtle, subconscious fear of suffering and death is so invasive in all of our lives that we seek what we can understand, what we can grasp and work towards. The tension of this, when we begin to sense our desires, motivations, and ideals, is often for people a choice between risk and reward. It's a struggle with purpose that can make us deny what we want out of life or make us want to dive headfirst and put everything on the line.

Neither is a good place of mind, and I believe it is up to us to consider the balance we desire, working with both the known and unknown factors at play. Establishing not an end goal, but a theme or concept that we want to see ourselves as embodying. Instead of focusing on the material and the immediately obvious as the end, we should view these things as means to which we may aspire to our inner expectations. Purpose, in a way, is something that evolves along with our action towards this.

What is it I am doing in the context of my life? Am I taking it too fast? Or am I right on track to a fine balance? Perhaps in the end it is best to walk through life as a neutral observer, to see where the middle path between extremes resides. The duality of action and inaction. Having the world in your hands and yet confronted by the unknown. Possessing a kind of control yet wanting to understand the nature of that will.

Where does this leave you? Perhaps it is best to be left with the question, because it is something to keep it mind at all times. What does it mean to plan? Is it merely fear? Is it for your own good?

Here is the big question about life's purpose that has no concrete answer, and should be applied with versatility to understand the pattern of decision. If you make a plan and follow it perfectly, would the sacrifices made to keep it be worth it? Will you have regret? Time never returns.

At the end of life, we shall mourn what we didn't do.

Remember to truly keep life open-ended. Consider not only independence, but freedom of prospect. The choice to decide exactly what you want, coming from the heart and the context of your existence. Never narrow yourself, always realize your goals are the means, but never the end. If you do this, you may achieve what you need most.

Be careful about your focus and priorities.

Balance.