No GPS Required in 2021

With the advent of 2021 and the influential effects of 2020 still lingering, the interpretation and experience of my expectations have been altered . . . and probably a little bit damaged. The needle on my perfect-o-meter has been bouncing all over the place and unsettling my universe. I have been forced to stop. And listen. And recalibrate my position in this lively event called life.

And why wouldn’t it? Expectations invariably mess with my sense of well-being. They disturb the equilibrium I crave in my relationships. They set me up for feelings of dissatisfaction surrounding what I have and resentment for what I don’t. They reduce me to acting like a spoiled and privileged malcontent at my own birthday party, pouting away in the corner. Everyone else is having fun pinning the tail on the donkey and eating cake and ice cream – all while my personal grievance with the flow of life destroys any joy in the present moment.

That was then. 2020 has passed. This is now. Time to take inventory, chill, and eat some cake.

An expectation is an idea – yup, it’s just an idea, nothing more – to which we hold ourselves or others. For better or for worse, it’s an experience or achievement that we believe will, without a doubt, happen in the future. And assumptions are as attached to expectations as ice cream is to the hips. We make the assumption that because A-B-C has lined up so nicely, well . . . D-E-F surely must follow, right? And so it is supposed to merrily roll until X-Y-Z gives a cute curtsy at the final curtain call. We can all go home with the smug satisfaction that we were able to direct our Star Expectation through a most stellar performance.

This is what I call the chronological order of our assumptions. We presume, suppose, and calculate "the" trajectory and then hope like hell that everyone else involved – with no knowledge of said agenda –will correctly do his or her part in mind reading.

And once an expectation is ultimately realized? We bow to receive a rousing encore – we have achieved as we predicted. And then it is on to conquering the next expectation.

But is this how life really works? Well, the good and bad news is that life sometimes actually does go as expected. And the good and bad news is that sometimes it doesn’t. Yes, we can plan and hope and dream and assume. We can put ourselves out there and exercise discipline and ally ourselves with the right team and work like hell and, in the end, realize our expected outcome.

But there are those times when things go all cray-cray and nothing, and I mean nothing, goes as planned. We learn that, despite our colossal efforts, life decides to take a decidedly different turn.

There are flat tires and our GPS stops working. We experience break downs and rely on either tow trucks or on our thumb and a cardboard sign to get to the next town. And we may ultimately end up in Topeka when we were heading for Boston.

The thing about missing out on something we didn’t get the chance to experience is that we are oftentimes left feeling cheated. There is that feeling of life being “less than” because our ultimate and presupposed destination wasn’t reached. In essence, we beat ourselves up with shoulda-coulda-woulda and think on how much our lives would be so much better if we had only nailed that singular expectation.

Well, things rarely, and I do mean rarely, happen exactly as we think they should. Sometimes we get a sweet and serendipitous surprise in the process of wrong turns and dead-end alleys, and sometimes we don’t. Sometimes there is no surprise at all. Life just keeps humming along in a vacuum of "ordinary" . . . which, when you think on it, is the ultimate surprise of all.

And the thing about surprises? We say that we like them – even love them – but we need to be honest with ourselves: Isn’t this only true when they are the kind of surprises that delight us or fulfill an expectation? What about those surprises that aren’t so fun? The un-fun variety of surprise leads us to throw up our hands. Panic. Maybe even despair. Out the window goes our road map. We feel utterly lost.

There is no predictable route to the unexpected. Never ever. The best we can do is to simply strap on our crash helmet, hang on for the ride, and be ready, should it come time to bail. These are the times when we need to take a deep breath, to think, to clear our mind, and to reset our GPS. Maybe even turn the dang thing off completely and trust that our trusty intuition will find its way.

The important thing is to allow our expectations of "how" to be put on pause and allow our mind and heart to roam. Follow our dreams. They know where they are going. No GPS required.