Motherhood

I don’t think people really talk about the struggles of motherhood especially in this day an age the judgment the guilt the embarrassment of thinking you can’t give your child what they need when in fact you are doing everything perfectly right.

Nobody can tell you how to raise your child only you know your child and you are what they want. We are so hung up on “going by the book” that we forget how to function throughout the day worrying that every 3 hours we need to feed the baby or wake the baby for a feed or making sure our wake windows are being met properly as it’s so “important” when really your baby will do their milestones at their own pace. If they want a cuddle to sleep you cuddle then to sleep you don’t let anyone tell you how to bring your child up. Take advice but only do what’s best for you and your child and what works for you.

When I was younger I wanted a baby at 16. I wanted to be a young mum and thinking back now I’m glad I never had a baby at 16 the challenges I’m facing now at 26 I could never do at 16. It took me such a long time to conceive that I was adamant that I wasn’t going to be able to have a baby and that I would only be an auntie to my beautiful nephews and nieces.

But my life changed and after having a miscarriage a little rainbow baby was made and I was truly blessed with such a beautiful clever little cherub and that’s when motherhood started.

I had a really good pregnancy no complications everything was smooth obviously life becomes hard not only when your pregnant but just in general and things get hard and tough especially the last part of pregnancy. I hated being pregnant only because I couldn’t do certain things and me as a person I am always on the go and never really relax until everything is done so for me certain tasks that I couldn’t do really frustrated me. I loved growing Mya and feeling her move and being able to have that bond already without even seeing her and having that love that pure love that you can’t even describe to anyone but the fear and anxiety of not feeling them and thinking the absolute worse is unbelievable.

I think I’m struggling the most with my hormones especially crying randomly I could look at Mya and cry just for no reason. I could sit there and just cry about silly things. I do find myself feeling guilty especially not being able to give people time as I’m a new person now and not my old self I need to find who I am now as a mum which is find so difficult I feel like such a sh*t person for not having time for people especially family I live far from them so that in itself is very difficult for me I love my mum and dad to bits just thinking about them or talking about them I get so upset just because they are my life I cherish them to bits every moment every chat every memory I miss them dearly and I always want to see them. For me my mum and dad are my everything without them I wouldn’t be where I am now and I will always be grateful for what they do for me especially now I have Mya I understand why my mum and dad brought me up the way they do because I will 100% be taking my mums advice and bringing my daughter up they way I was brought up.

I had a traumatic labour it was insanely traumatic and I haven’t really got over it or processed it. I was sent home so many times when I knew that something was happening and I was adamant that I wasn’t leaving until I had Mya. Thankful I had my mum and Tom who never left my side and was so supportive throughout the process which is scary it’s the unknown it’s the what does it feel like? When should I push? When should I stop? What should it feel like? And honestly I found the contractions fine it was bearable it was uncomfortable but it was fine pain wise. Gas and air couldn’t even live without that through my labour it was the best thing. I was pushing for a very long time from 5am until around 7pm I was 2cm for about 3 days I was in hospital for 5 days it was insane. I had to walk from one end of the hospital through reception to the other end of the hospital to the delivery room I waited for my pool to be done and was in complete agony wanting to push I had to come out of the pool early and be on the bed as nothing was happening I was say on a chair I was on the ball I was trying everything to then have doctors coming in and out examining and finally after hours and hours of pushing a c section was needed it was all such a big blur going down to theatre but they tried to use the instruments but it was never going to happen they tried grabbing her with their hands it just wasn’t happening she was snug up into my pelvis and stuck up there and I was never going to be able to push her out. Being to push for hours without anything happening and being exhausted and even after having her Tom and my mum could only see her for 10 mins which was so sad as they spent the whole day in the delivery room no food no drink just watching me push and push and push. I don’t think anyone is ever prepared for anything we are so lucky our bodies are built for this and we are able to act in such a quick way and recover as quickly as we do it’s unbelievable.

I’m still learning and I don’t think you ever stop learning about motherhood it’s a challenging thing and although you loose yourself in the process your little bundle of joy is all worth it. Doing simple tasks are difficult especially when you’re so exhausted motivating yourself is so hard I mean if you seen me on a daily basis I look like I’ve been dragged through a bush I don’t get dressed properly until 2pm I don’t shower until the night time I don’t wear make up my hair is tied up in a bun and I have sick all down my shoulder or down my front that’s the normality of my day. I do the same thing constantly my routine is basic it’s not sitting around doing nothing as people would say having time to keep on top of washing, sterilising, cleaning, changing and giving attention to your other half and baby and dogs it’s enough to make you have an overwhelming moment. Keeping on top of yourself and other things is difficult especially when you try and fit it around nap times which sometimes last 30-45mins or sometimes 2-3 hours you just never know so starting a task is difficult I usually find myself doing other things like fitting food and drink in the mix feeding the dogs just putting others first before my own needs which is difficult. I mean trying to split yourself into 4 parts is just impossible.

Don’t get me started on how expensive everything is milk, clothes, nappies, wipes, sleep suits, crib, pram it’s just never ending! Everything you need for a child is expensive. On a real note though it’s ok to have those days where you think you can’t do it, how difficult it is to stop them from crying, to feel exhausted and cry because you have no energy, to sometimes not know what they want, to sometimes feel like you can’t cope, these emotions are all normal and completely and utterly ok I feel like this most of the time where I’m so exhausted that I just don’t know what she wants and that’s not failing that’s learning your child’s needs don’t get me wrong sometimes I’m smashing motherhood but sometimes I’m not and that’s absolutely fine and sometimes telling yourself that really does help.

Another big thing that I stand by is asking for help I know how hard it is to ask because I’ve been there you want to do it all but you can’t do it all you’re human you need some time to recharge. You know your child the best and as frustrating as it is that some people find ways to tell you things that you already know and already do for them you just have to block it out. I find sometimes that other people just like to put there 2 pence in and that’s fine you have your opinion but they only see a snippet of your child and your life so having an opinion is irrelevant to me. You know what you want for your child and what’s best and everyone else doesn’t matter you have to sometimes be really selfish to have the best life possible and unfortunately you will upset people in the process but at the same time you need to do what’s best for you in order to bring your child up in the most happiest healthy environment as possible with the kindest most uplifting people. If you’re happy your baby is happy if the environment is calm your baby will be calm. You have one chance at life you make the most of it by doing the things you love the most and I will continue to make sure that Mya has the best childhood. The most important thing is that you’re happy and your child has what they need a roof over their head, warm cosy bed, food and lots of love and cuddles. So don’t be too harsh on yourself we are all going through the same thing and we are all here to help it’s so important to talk about things and to not be afraid of anything and to control the emotions we have by letting them out.

I have a what’s app group for mums to open up without being judged and to have that support and community that you can just rely on when you need someone the most! Especially with the night feeds or even throughout the day where your little one just doesn’t want to go down for any questions that you have that either of us can help with and just for mum friends where you feel safe and helped and supported because we all need that! So if you’d like to join just send me a message and I can add you to the group.

And remember don’t be so hard on yourself you’re doing an amazing job! You are an amazing mama and you’re smashing motherhood and for you dadas out there you’re doing amazing you’re smashing fatherhood.