Making History

Genuflecting 🪔 🧘‍♀️to make a paradigm shift into a PRO-state ( not prostate) : a swollen discovery 😅💡 …

You may wonder why “Swollen-PRO-state?”

Well, I would say —the essence of what I say (now,)might appear so. That’s why!

Yes, I feel bloated and swollen ( definitely, not inflated nor impregnated) esp. in the context of how and why I write this utterly conspicuous and self absorptive history of my past year.

My life —quite insignificant to others - doubtlessly-enables me to self access myself freely. Right about now … I am feeling the biggest release 💨of my lifetime…yes… a release from what was holding me tight —in terms of ties.

Last year changing ideas of “self,” influenced me—by:

1. Periodically giving me thematic and recursive metaphors of self —as though, life was hell bent upon reconstructing me through sudden changes emerging out of the blue. I moved places—both emotionally and physically, encountering intuitive favors of Clair-sentience, as though — nothing in the world c’d ever be overlooked.

2. In the process of maintaining progressive continuity with life, I found myself ( not taken to the woods,) charting myself mystically—as though, I were a “pilgrim soul ,” transcending the fabric of life. At the soul level, it was a sort of dislocation from the self, and then, subjecting self as an object of observation. This happened automatically as I fell by my self —alone—after bidding final farewells to a few loved ones in my life. Those who left me and those whom I left behind.

I stood apart to view self from those who held me dear to their hearts and whose departures left a sudden vacuum in me.

This doesn’t mean I was dying to be mothered. Instead the essence of my being gasped and then, I turned inwards to free myself from me.

I resisted the temptation for a while but, I yielded.

My life is nothing —tantalizing.

But lain aside, the process of my transformation must not be forgotten ‘coz the way I lived (deeply,) and came into terms with my dreams, makes me live a waking dream to realize the beauty in it.

Ingrained in this grace comes a recounting of the views of the world rendering many dialectics.

Ironically the “me in me, threatens to survive, at times! Yet, then again, I realize that change is constant.

But of course, true scrutiny combined with good instincts lend themselves as guides to these soul searches.

Whether mirrored directly or askewed from others, I have learnt to preclude self as a projection of them to me or me to them in imagery. After all, multitude of influences add to the subject of what we receive or perceive in mind. Yes, I believe!

Here’s the nearest platitude reflected (verbatim,) in these verses ….

Of a soul ridden in reckless luge

Above all shades, gliding o'er these earthly dues

Yea, as you and me—as you, racing incessantly, thro' n thro

To be graced by good or to be resplendent—as in a nature's grove

Oft overflowing thro those fountain chutes

All set in transparencies like that mid-summer's luge

In that —in which, resides me and you ; all mixed up like some blended hues ... O it’s so true, and as true— so ensues…

O! Look! an eternal spruce …it’s so evergreen, faded —yet standing tall in the woods ..

As….Verbless in time;

twice born, and seen as someone new

In ways, reminiscing day to day experiences, prompting me to chronicle these thoughts anew. They run through my mind as me and you!

This is a must for the future generations to come to grips with.

Clearly seen, this c’d connote “shashtańg pranam” ( a Sanskrit phrasal verb for complete obeisance) in certain cross cultural contexts 🙏…

Alongside, a chant, echoes with me, in a chorus, like this: May 🌺almighty 🌺 rid the world of all it’s sufferings...🙏🏽

Last year, facing self in the context of varied situations shuffled my sense of self.

Today, I feel I have emerged presciently distinct through it all.

O! But wait! That can define me as savagely incongruous to what I was or rather —was thought to be like.

Honestly, to feel a sense of self, especially while seated 💺 in this —passage of time,(transitioning towards nothingness) makes me check my sensibilities.

That’s what I did as I reflected upon my life while connecting my “sense of self,” with the social fabric of the life all around me.

However, the sum total of all that insight revealed the following cerebration.

O! Precious Life!

How upon innocence you gently lay…

As faith so ardently rolled its' grace

Throned upon times marching up to race

As spectacular in others so gloriously arrays

O! That it were and as it gave ..

A lifetime of smiles and sweet nothings to embrace

As allured to chimes of the musical waves

Such was thy pleasure, so splendid, to say

In guiles of joys, and as a light on some virtuous face

Yielding reasons to stand by to move up thy ways

With thrills to behold; keeping pain at bay…

Smoothly to drive out, e’ery woe in each troubled day…come what May 😊

In the end, consider me like another Schrödinger's cat... uhm like another thought experiment ... I could be a paradox of another quantum superposition.🔍

💫✨ 🧡🦢🦢🦢🧡 ✨💫

© December 20th 2024, Madhu Goteti ✍️