Loudmouth

My Life has not yet come full circle, this does not scare me because it is proof that I am still growing into all of who I am. Since I was about six years old, the age where I began to vividly remember certain occurrences in my life, I realize I’ve had so many labels placed upon me by others. However, there is one I am in agreeance with, and it remains until this day. I am “LOUD.”

To know me is to know I speak loudly. I project my voice as often as I can, and I have two theories on why I do this. Theory one; I may be this way because when I was much younger in age, I felt as though no one ever listened to me, or, if they were listening, they didn’t take my words as seriously as I would have wanted them to. Theory two; I may feel the need to be the loudest person in any room because, more often than not, I am the smallest person in the room, I am only 5 foot 3 inches tall, subconsciously I might use my voice to accommodate for the height I’ve always wanted but lack. However, because I am still considered a loudmouth, the verdict as to why, has yet to be determined.

Recently, my journey towards self-realization has forced me to take a deeper look into who I was, versus who I am currently, and who I am becoming. The experience is nothing short of amazing, as I am discovering so many more things that I am besides “LOUD”. The current space I am in on this journey, I recognize that I’ve valued other people’s opinion of me, way too much. At some point in my life, I allowed the voices of these opinionated people to get louder than my own. I am learning to be “LOUD” again, by being the only voice that has the main opinion over my life.

Present day my “LOUD” takes its form through meditation and spiritual work, helping me connect internally with my creator. In this way I keep myself grounded learning to constantly refocus when dealing with so many distractions. I tend to easily get distracted. My imagination is so huge and full of possibilities about what is next for my life I must consistently refocus my mind on my reality and consciously being present. When I experience success of accomplishing one of my goals and I feel as if I am soaring higher than a bald eagle, this is when I meditate, closing my eyes, taking deep intentional breaths and truly appreciating all of who I am in the moment. However, nothing distracts me more than my attempt to be that “LOUD” voice of reasoning in the lives of people who I know and love, or people who I see potential for and want them to do well. This is when I pray the most, to my creator.

I do not just pry into the lives of others. I am gifted with very strong intuition and an empathetic heart; therefore, my family and friends have found comfort in laying their burdens down on me. Whether it is just a listening ear they need or if they are seeking my words of advice, somehow their issues seemingly become my issues. This in combination with my own “LOUD” voice has required my life to include daily prayer and meditation. Initially, I only utilized prayer when times seemed extremely bad for me, my family, or friends. My thoughts on meditation, “what is that?” I found no peace when it came to sitting in silence breathing heavily.

Ultimately, it goes back to what I previously stated, my life has not yet come full circle, and this does not scare me. Myself, my family and friends always need loudmouth me. My “LOUD” voice has always been relevant no matter what the theory may be on why it is. I am grateful that I now have prayer and meditation to accompany my “LOUD” because it allows me to stay grounded and consistently refocus therefore, I am prepared for the time when my life does come around full circle.