Letter to Myself

The hardest thing I had to write is staring me in the face. As ink hits the paper, my heart breaks. I'm starting with life as I knew it back then. I stood my ground then I crumbled. Had no one in my corner, and I couldn't fight my own battles. I didn't know what to do. I could never just be me. I was a gentle soul. I was always taken for granted, and always taken advantage of. I was weak in everyone's eyes. I should’ve known what I know now to be better. At times when I'm feeling like this, I wish my mom was here.

She would give me words of encouragement when I needed it. When she died my world crumbled. I couldn't take my life in either direction. So, I write this letter to mend the heartbreak. To mend the pieces of my life I should’ve let go. I need to forgive the people that have held my life under control. I can't take back the countless tears, hours of cutting, of the years of feeling out of place. The years of feeling empty. The years of feeling like I wasn't good enough. If I could turn back the hands of time, I still don't think I would. I'm a stronger person now. I still have my moments, but now I have a support system. If I could give my younger self advice it would be to never change who you are. Changing who you are alters your reality and has you in a fantasy you shouldn't live.

Just continue to live your life out of the shadows. Find your rock as soon as you can. The never-ending support will come from an unsuspecting source. Protect your heart better. Do not ever be blinded by love. That is what will get you hurt. Trust your gut and your instincts. Reach out for help more. Don't let your pride get in the way. Never think you are alone. Someone out there knows your struggle. Find a better outlet. Focus your energy into a productive source. It takes time to heal.

You do not heal overnight. Strengthen your writing, it will help someone in ways you never knew possible. Don't hold grudges, or hold anything in. It won't help anyone in the long run. Especially you, connect with yourself. Build yourself up, not tear yourself down. Remind yourself to let go. Letting go is the best option. Forgive but never in your life forget. So, you don't make the same mistake twice. It helps a lot when you look back, even though I wouldn't change my experiences to save my life.

The advice I could’ve given myself shaped my life now. It's easier to change when you have the knowledge as you get older. Mending hearts, minds, and lives. Keeping positive in and negative out. Knowing that anything is possible. Live your life like there's no tomorrow. I know it's easier said than done but trust me, keep holding on. It gets better in the long run.

Keep a close circle of friends, because if I've learned anything from this letter to myself it's the closer the circle the more people you got in your corner. You need those people for the rest of your life. I also keep two quotes at hand. "It always seems impossible until it's done." Nelson Mandela. The last quote is "Follow your heart." Well, what else is there to say, other than, it is never goodbye. It's see you later. Remember to always follow your heart and defy all limits of gravity.

Until the next one,

Amethyst Heart