It's not all about me

It was hard sitting in the examination room at our local clinic and hearing the words, " Mr. McFarland, your x-ray shows you have a spot on your lung. I don't want either of you to worry," the nurse practicioner quickly added. "This doesn't mean it's terminal, it's still small, and there is no sign it has traveled to other parts of the body. It does mean you need to take this referral to a nearby doctor who can do further testing. However, its important you do it as soon as possible."

I began to wonder who she was talking about. Surely, not my husband. We were both over 60 and had only been married for 4 years. Neither of us thought we'd ever be so happy. We had just relocated 2200 miles away to a very rural area of Texas, and looked forward to settling into country life and making new friends.

As soon as we got home I headed for the phone and called the referred doctor to schedule an appointment. For whatever reason, we were told it would be 6 weeks before there was an opening. I glanced at my husband and relayed the message. He grinned and said, "OK, we can wait til then."

During that 6 weeks of waiting, I tried several times to talk him into getting another referral, but he would just smile and tell me he could wait. During those 6 weeks, I watched the changes in him. Finally, we saw a cancer specialist, who, when he heard Don had not eaten in 3 days, and was no longer able to walk without support, ordered him to check-in at the ER. He would be hospitalized and evaluated until the doctors found a direction of treatment for what now looked like a fast growing lung tumor.

He was admitted to ICU, confused but sedated. The nurse told me he would sleep though the night so I drove the 2 hours home. I was antsy and I knew there would be no sleep for me. I went to the craft room. Digging around in the stacks of boxes and totes, at the bottom of a small box, I found a stack of fabric squares my daughter had given me several years ago. She thought I might want to make small couch pillows with them. At the time I was not very interested in making little pillows so I tossed them in a box.

My husband's life was all about water. He had been a submariner while in the Navy, he ran a bait shop and gasoline stop for boats on Galveston Bay, and he owned a shrimp boat, catching and keeping bait shrimp alive. We always carried fishing gear with us where ever we went. And right there, printed on each fabric square were several different species of lake fish!

I had never made a quilt before but I wanted to make him a lap quilt to use during his chemo and radiation treatments. I gathered fabric scraps and began on it that night.

Each morning at 6a.m. I'd drive to the hospital and sit with Don, and return in time for me to feed our 3 small dogs. He was hospitalized for 6 days. On day 5 we learned his cancer had spread to his brain and there was no treatment he could get that wouldn't be painful, make him vomit, and turn him into a vegetable in the end.

We brought him home, arranged Hospice care and I forgot about the quilt altogether. 2 weeks later, he died peacefully at home. A few days later, in the midst of my broken heart and painful grieving, I once again took up the quilt. It was finished that night in his memory, and hangs on a display rack with the memory T-shirt quilt I made next.

It became a passion. I was making memory items for anyone who wanted one. Not just quilts, but also teddy bears. Some made from a baby's first outfits. Even a sweet preemie got a bear made from his tiny sleepers, T-shirsts and onseys. I've done 2 memory lap quilts for 2 relatives made from T-shirts they sent me. Another bear was put together for a young mother who was filled with excitement when she gave birth to her first child. I also made 2 lap quilts for a special lady who had 2 grown sons who were both on swim teams when they were younger. She supplied the materials and I made the quilts.

I do this in my husband's memory. Memory quilts, bears and pillows aren't all about death. They are also for those who have special times, hobbies, and moments in their lives that they want to cherish with a memory they can hold.