How To: Throw a Truly Excellent Pity Party

Every now and then, I think a little self-pity goes a long way. Sure, no one likes a miserable sad sack 24 hours a day, but every now and then doesn't it feel good to just... wallow for a second? Maybe you just lost your job, your boyfriend, or a pet. Maybe you've been working too hard and you're getting burnt out. Or, hey, maybe it's just been one of those days.

Whatever the reason, I think we have a tendency to get caught up in the idea that we need to be positive all the time; that we should push away any unpleasant feelings, for fear of ruining our enlightened state, messing up our manifestations, or betraying our higher selves. Pseudo-psychologists and life coaches tell us that feeling bad is holding us back, and so instead of dealing with our bad feelings we try to squish them up into a little ball and pretend they don't exist.

Well, not this Negative Nelly! Learning to accept my feelings for what they are in the moment, instead of instantly trying to put a positive spin on something, has helped me feel more aligned and true to myself. It helps me feel actual authentic happiness when things are going well, and keeps me from completely losing my mind when things do, inevitably, become too much. I think it's an incredible skill to see the lessons and silver linings in the tough moments in life, but I also don't think it truly serves us to try to be happy and positive about something that we aren't ready to feel good about just yet.

With all of that said, and without further ado, I present to you: Christina King's recipe for a perfect pity party!

1. get comfy

I mean, you might as well look the part. Throw on your sweats, and take the day off from being a human. If you're feeling down about it, think about any good romcom - though the woman is supposedly having some sort of meltdown due to the lack of love in her life, she looks HOT in her big baggy t-shirt and messy bun, drinking wine from the bottle. So do you - enjoy.

2. snacks

They should be within arm's reach at all times. Order take-out. Get extra, for "later". Eat it all immediately.

Feed a fever - starve a cold - gorge a bad mood. That's what Nana always said.

In all seriousness, the more balance you can find here, the better. Mix your comfort foods with the things you know actually make your body feel good (quarter pounder for lunch, spinach salad with grilled chicken for dinner - that sort of thing). Drink lots of water, especially if you're a crier like me.

3. guilty-pleasure TV/movies/books

When my intelligent friends ask me what I've been reading lately, I find it less embarrassing to say "nothing" than I do to say "poorly written erotica which reminds me of fanfiction, about girls who get swept away and taken care of by hot, wealthy men". But uh... check out Maya Banks if you, too, enjoy lying to your friends about literature.

As for television, I've found early 2000s reality shows are the cure for most anything. My recommendations include: Rock of Love, Beauty and the Geek, and Queen Bees. The fashion alone is... *chef's kiss*.

4. recognize that these feelings are fleeting.

When I get into a fight with my boyfriend I start dramatically acting like we've been trapped in a loveless marriage for twenty years, but that's not the case at all. Sometimes, a bad day is just that - a day. I think that the really difficult thing isn't replacing your negative emotions with positive ones, it's just avoiding getting caught up in the current of your crappy day. It's knowing that you haven't always felt this way and you won't continue to always feel this way.

As my very zen mother would say, let the feelings float past you, and just observe.

5. set a time limit.

It's totally okay to devote a day to moping - in fact, I encourage it. Take the time to feel your feelings, before you squash them down and toss them out. But don't stay in that dark, miserable place for too long, because self-pity is not a cute look, and it doesn't get you very far. Know when the time for feeling sorry for yourself ends and the time to take action begins.

Though I'm not a psychologist, a life coach, or any sort of true professional, I really believe that this new trend of pretending we never feel upset is damaging. Constantly forcing yourself to immediately put a smile on your face after a traumatic (or just unfortunate) event is contrary to our nature, and it makes it increasingly difficult to regulate our emotions. This whole attitude of "feeling good is your only job" and "negativity ruins your vibration" is a strange cultural phenomenon that is not really rooted in the reality of being a person.

Plus, who doesn't love a cozy day in? Please call me if you have leftover takeout, or you'd like to discuss the finale of any of the seasons of Rock of Love.