How to Keep Going When You’re Not Good at Something New

I believe that the happiest people in life are the ones who feel the most.

We often feel more alive when we take ourselves out of our comfort zone and seize new opportunities for meaning, happiness and interest. But unfortunately, we are tied to the ropes to make it sound easy and safe, and rarely sounds easy or safe to be a beginner.

No one wants to feel like Bambi taking his first lenient steps - weak, powerless, as if he could fall at any moment.

And no one wants to feel as threatened with exposure as Napoleon Dynamite during his unpleasant dance "Vote for Pedro", an audience of anxious peers staring him in the eye, perhaps judging their heads.

We want to feel capable, confident, and proud. May we know what we are doing and are doing it well. But it doesn't usually work when we first started.

I recently helped produce a new podcast called Next Creator Up, a show that helps people get out of their way and build what they want to do. In the first episode, Ehren Prudhel, a colleague of many things, interviewed singer / songwriter Kelley McRae.

After spending years visiting, Kelley wanted to focus more on communication, community, and giving back, and eventually started Song Rise Arts - a non-profit that helps poor youth share their stories with a song.

Although his conversation was full of times aha for me, the one thing that focused me the most was the conversation about winning fast.

She shared how she helps her children complete something on the first day so that they feel proud and encouraged to move on.

It's such a simple idea, but it's incredibly powerful.

Think about it: How many times have you tried something new and difficult, felt inadequate, and decided it was not for you?

I remember when I was in the gym for 20 years. I loved standing in the front row of the classroom so I could see my form in the mirror.

As I took classes for months, I never felt insecure about being in the front and in the middle. In fact, I felt brave and proud of myself for wandering around with such a true sense of humor - so much so that it blinded me to the possible consequences of putting my new friend next to me in the light.

Looking back, I can't believe it never occurred to me that he might not be so happy to be seen while learning something new.

Indeed, you have fought hard all over the class, all the negative steps back on the whole team in the mirror; she felt depressed and ashamed; and he never came back again.

I have had many similar experiences with myself.

Like the time when I decided to learn to cook. One would have thought that, after my aerobics experience, I would have realized the small and safe first impression. But no.

I have never tried a simple recipe for one simple dish. I tried four-course meals, burned most of you, and then decided to go back to sandwiches and frozen food. Because I didn’t mean to cook.

Then there was the time when I started trying to draw. It would make sense to find a beginner section or a YouTube tutorial on something basic. But instead I spent a lot of time on art, including a large piece of fabric, and I immediately felt disappointed when I saw my piece look like something I had painted with my eyes closed. And he is drunk.

In both cases, I expected to be instantaneous and set myself to fail - not just for a moment but for the future. I went from someone who could learn how to cook and paint, and in time, to someone who was afraid to try. Because I sucked both… or I think so.

Now that I understand the importance of building an early win, and continuing to make small wins over time, what I have learned requires me to do the following:

Cultivate the idea of ​​growth

Start small

Hold on to expectations

Avoid comparisons

Give me credit

If you want to feel more alive, and point the way to stretch into a new place, here's a way to see it.

Cultivate the idea of ​​growth.

This is an important first step because you have to believe in your ability to grow and improve, or you may not agree to follow your first imperfect effort.

Professor of Psychology Carol Dweck coined the term “fixed mindset” and “mental development” thirty years ago after learning thousands of children and seeing two conflicting beliefs that influenced their efforts and their results.

People with a "mindset fixed" believe that success is based on natural ability — meaning you have it or not, and if you fail, it is a confirmation of the latter. It means you are not talented enough, smart enough, or good enough, so there is no reason to try to move forward because you will just make yourself look bad.

People with a "growth mindset" believe that failure is part of learning, and if they keep trying, they can get better over time. Because they believe this, they remain visible and eventually confirm their belief. They may feel embarrassed at first, but they understand that this is just part of the process.

It turns out that growth is really possible for anyone. Research into brain plastic has shown that with duplicate - anything - we can create new paths in our brain, able to move forward.

I remember when I was in Amsterdam, when more people were riding bicycles than pulling cars. I had never ridden a bicycle on the road before, or I had ridden a bicycle since childhood, and I struggled to start over whenever the red light turned green.

On my first day, I was holding a bicycle at an intersection when I tried to walk, so I turned my head and said to the cyclist behind me, “I'm sorry, I can't do this!” Smiling broadly, he replied, “Not yet!”