How to Get Your Joy and Vitality Back When You’ve Been Depressed

We all have this picture of what depression looks like. He is a person who looks surprised and sour. Rain is often involved. It's dark. Cloudy. It's stressful.

But what about the pressure of the sun, which almost certainly shows its face in public, which seems normal…

I am a naturally happy person. I wake up smiling. I sleep with a smile on my face. I even smile when I sleep, or I am told that. However I was depressed, depressed to the point where I had trouble finding reasons to continue, knowing in my rational mind that I needed to find them, yet I could not get there emotionally.

I have never been diagnosed with depression, in part because I refused to see a specialist in it and in part because I wanted to believe that I could somehow find my way out of medication, since it was not caused by chemical imbalances.

In a positive TED Talk speech, Andrew Solomon states that "the opposite of depression is not happiness, it is vitality." And that's what I lacked - vitality, the desire to do something every day, the desire to get out of bed.

I spent my weekends alone in my house. I pretended to be sick or tired, and when I got out, I got out of my way so as not to let anything get in the way.

Most of the time, when I was driving home, I started crying in the car and kept crying until I finally fell asleep.

Sometimes I slept, even dreaming; sometimes, I would keep crying in my dreams until the next morning when I woke up, went through a motion, put on a mask to close my swollen eyes, and started to pretend everything was fine again.

As you read this you are wondering if this applies to you and your health, look at the symptoms that eventually made me realize that I am depressed.

I always found excuses not to do things.

I looked the same in public, pretending everything was fine.

I thought I was hard, that I didn't need help; therefore, I did not ask for it.

I covered my patience with a smile.

I never really felt unhappy, uninterested in everything.

I started to ask if there was anything on the other side, if I had ever been out of this situation.

When I thought more about everything, I went sadly, and nothing seemed right. I remember my happiness, the one who would wake up with a big smile on his face, the one who believes in magic happens every day, who makes everyone feel better and shines a light wherever he goes.

I looked around and saw that I did not know how to ask for help. I had never done it before and I regarded it as an act of weakness. But I also decided to try to get help.

Who would I ask? My friends? My family? My boyfriend? I felt ashamed, as if asking for help would make me feel unworthy of their love, as if I were going to be disappointed. So I didn't, at least not directly.

I pointed to the fact that I was depressed. I may have called you “sorry,” but I never asked what I needed, especially since I didn’t know what I needed. I did not want to be coded or let anyone hear me. I somehow wanted to be loved and supported, but I really didn't know how.

Then he hit me. I will never go back to the time I spent now; I will never have that moment when I would wake up happy with a big smile on my face.

Every time I spent feeling sad and depressed it was a time I was not happy, a moment I could spend with my family, my friends, and my boyfriend. Every minute I was depressed, I was missing out on a moment of happiness.

I committed myself to find that person who was happy with me, that person full of love and power, someone I knew was still inside me. It was not easy. There are many times when I just wanted to crawl back into the bag of sadness and weakness I had created for myself, but I tried every day.

I knew I didn't want to continue like this anymore. Here are a few things you can do if you find yourself in a similar situation.

1. Stop putting yourself down by not smiling at your face.

Instead, create a routine that will help you start the day off right. I do a short, guided meditation every morning. It was only five minutes and at first it was annoying, but I focused on it and soon I started to wake up and yearn for it. And after a while, I started doing it every time I had a few minutes for myself. This allowed me to enter the reception area and the place where I liked myself no matter what.

2. Start looking for smaller moments.

Instead of trying to be happy all day, look for those good times. Those little imperfect moments can be easy as a coworker brings your favorite coffee to work someday or someone calls you and says you missed it.

For me, the best moments I will always remember were going to my favorite pizza place in the middle of the night, getting tickets to the concert I wanted to go to, but then for months on end, I got text messages saying "I miss you" or "You were in my mind."

3. Surround yourself with happy people.

And stay away from those who only see the bad side of things. We all have people in our lives who charge us harshly and elevate us, and then those nine people down.

I tried my best to spend time with those powerful people who filled me with love and happiness.