How to develop a positive and optimistic attitude?

I recently read this sentence: We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking We used when We created them.

This is from the famous physicist Albert Einstein, or to put it another way, if we want to solve problems, we have to change our old thinking.

Einstein's words remind me of a book I read a long time ago called Change: Principles for Problem Formation and Solution. The author, Paul Watzlavik, is a clinical professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Stanford University School of Medicine. In the book, he talks about two types of change: first-order change and second-order change.

What Paul means by "first sequence change" is trying to solve a problem in the same frame of mind: you just adjust how you do it, but what you focus on and what you avoid, how you see the world, and your values don't change. Such changes, in many cases, are ineffective changes that do not really solve the problem. The second sequence of changes, on the other hand, involves changes in perspectives, values and beliefs.

If a person has been working hard to change, to try all sorts of ways to find problems are still there, still so confused and anxious, for example, to oneself is full of frustration and discontent, so probably what he has done is just the change of the first sequence, and he really needs is actually the second sequence of change.

To be honest, most of our problems and troubles in life are actually caused by the wrong perspective and focus. Most of the time, as long as you look at it from a different Angle, you will find that the problem disappears by itself and does not need to be solved at all.

As the saying goes: If you look for the bad, you will find it; If you look for the good, you will find it too, everything has both good and bad sides, if you always see the bad side, then your life will inevitably be filled with dissatisfaction and complaining, but if you always see the good side, Then you will live a positive life.

What's amazing is that once you have a positive attitude, you will find that you not only have less worry and anxiety, but also many things will start to change in a positive direction, such as more harmonious relationships with family and friends, and more action will become stronger.

So if you really want to make a difference, the most effective way, I think, is to start with a change of mindset. How can I develop a positive and optimistic attitude? Here are three suggestions:

Keep a growth journal every day

Research has found that when people are in emotional distress, being able to put their feelings into words, or simply talking about them, can go a long way in helping to regulate their emotions and make them feel better. This, in fact, is the meaning and value of journaling. However, avoid complaining when you write. Just write about the event and how you feel, like what happened and how it made me feel at the time.

Another very important benefit of writing about events and feelings is that it allows us to engage in cognitive reappraisal -- specifically, changing our perspective on how we experience things that would otherwise be painful or frustrating.

For example, assume that leaders criticized you, say you did something bad, you may instinctively see criticism as a negation to himself, and so upset and ashamed, but if you can change the point of view, look at it as progress and opportunities for growth, so you should not have any negative emotions, but to think about how to grow from it, To do better next time.

In fact, the human brain is hardwired to have a negative bias, meaning that it is more sensitive to negative information than positive information, and more likely to interpret events in a negative light.

There's an evolutionary reason for this: In natural Settings, negative information often means threats, and if we don't notice them immediately, we're likely to die. While positive information is valuable for long-term survival and development, it has little impact on immediate survival. The brain allocates more attention resources to negative information precisely because immediate survival is more important than long-term development.

In daily life, however, it is difficult for us to realize this kind of negative thinking tendency, but if you have the habit of keeping a diary, we will be able to write diary in consciously to review and adjust their mindset, training in our subconscious brain from a more positive perspective to look at what happened in your life. Once this habit of thinking is formed, we will naturally look on the bright side of whatever happens in the future.

In addition, we can also cultivate the habit of gratitude in the journal. For example, write down one thing that happened today to be grateful for. It doesn't have to be a big thing. It can be a warm smile or a word of encouragement from others, can also be those who are usually ignored by our family care and care, and even can be some of the things we used to, such as health, peace, sunshine, air flowers and trees and so on.

Numerous psychological studies have shown that gratitude practice can effectively increase one's happiness and life satisfaction, as well as make people more positive and optimistic. This is easy to understand, because gratitude makes us consciously focus on the good things in our lives. If we see good in our eyes, then we will naturally be filled with positive energy.

* Suggestion: You can take the growth diary as a simple reflection, review and summary of the day before going to bed. Write it at a fixed time every day, without writing too much, 300-500 words is good, so it is easier to stick to. It's okay to miss a day or two now and then, just start over.

Learn positive self-talk

I don't know if you've noticed, but both cognitive reappraisal and gratitude exercises are essentially using the conscious mind to influence the subconscious mind. This is because the main factor affecting our emotions and behavior is not conscious thinking, but subconscious thinking. If we want to change ourselves, it is not enough to rely on our conscious thoughts. We must change our subconscious thoughts in order to achieve the change we want.

In fact, in addition to journaling, there is another very powerful tool that can help influence and change our subconscious, and that is self-suggestion.

What is psychological self-suggestion? Simply put, it's what we say to ourselves internally. You may not know it, but it's a tool we use a lot, but most of the time, we do it unconsciously, and we give ourselves bad psychological cues.

For example, when we worry that we won't be able to do something well, we unconsciously repeat to ourselves, "I will not be able to do it well," or "I will fail." For example, when faced with something we don't want to do, we may say to ourselves: "I really hate this thing" or "I really don't want to do it".

These are negative self-talk statements that not only do nothing to help us achieve the desired outcome, but also trigger more corresponding negative emotions and hinder our actions. You know, belief is extremely powerful, because what you expect is often what you get. This is known in psychology as the Pygmalion effect.

But if we know how to use it consciously, we can make the most of it to create positive emotions for our actions and push ourselves in the direction we want to go.

So how do we do that? First of all, no matter what to do, you must understand, why I have to do it, and what is the result you want to get, it is very important, because when you are running out of steam, you can recall why want to do this thing in mind, and visualize the results after the implementation situation to strengthen the power, this itself is a kind of positive implications.

If you feel a lot of resistance when you're doing something, it's because you're repeating negative messages in your head, such as "I don't want to do it", "I'll do it later", "I can't do it well", etc. At this time, you need to consciously give yourself some positive psychological indications, such as telling yourself: "I want to do it", "I am ready to do it now", "I will work hard to do it".

It is worth mentioning that self-suggestive words are very important. Don't say to yourself "you must..." "Because it makes us feel pressured, and it's likely to cause internal resistance. Instead, use the first person" I "and say to yourself," I want..." This kind of expression can satisfy our psychological need for autonomy. We are more active when we tell ourselves that it is something we choose to do, not something we are forced to do.

While such positive self-talk may not necessarily get you into action right away, it can at least go a long way toward reducing your inner resistance. As long as you continue to reinforce the positive message, when the force becomes greater than your inner resistance, action will become less difficult.

Start with 10 minutes a day

The final piece of advice is a practice to get you into a positive state as soon as you wake up. This practice is called "Priming," a technique created and devised by Tony Robbins, America's most influential life motivator, and one that he does every morning.

Priming is actually a term in psychology, it is specially used to describe such a phenomenon, namely after the advance experience will affect state and behavior, for example, when you are at the cinema after a passionate about inspiring movies, you will suddenly feel like a struggle of power, also have more confidence to myself; When you're having a really bad day, and you feel like everything's going wrong and everyone's going wrong? These are classic Priming effects.

The priming exercise designed by Tony Robbins is based on this effect: Since our state and behavior are unconsciously influenced by prior experiences, why not harness this psychological effect to our advantage? If we can start the day by actively creating positive experiences for ourselves, wouldn't we benefit the rest of the day?

The steps of this exercise are as follows (I have adapted some of the exercises Tony designed) :

1. Sit down: Find a relatively quiet place and sit down. Place your feet on the floor, shoulders back, chest up, neck straight, head high.

2. Breathe: Adjust your breathing and breathe deeply. As you breathe, place one hand on your chest and feel the strength of your heart beating. Perform three sets of 10-15 breaths, with one pause between each set. (Suggested duration: 2 minutes)

3. Gratitude Exercise: Think of three things you are grateful for. They can come from your past, present or future. It doesn't have to be a life-changing event. It can be anything from a teacher who has encouraged and helped you in the past, a family member who has taken care of you, a beautiful day. Enter an imaginary picture of the first thing, and after about a minute, move on to the second thing, and then to the next thing. (Suggested duration: 2 minutes)

4. Self-healing: Now is the time to take care of yourself. You can imagine the colored light shining on you, filling your whole body, healing all the areas that need healing, taking away all the pain and fear from your heart one by one, and feeling the warmth and comfort as your body and mind are filled with light. (Suggested duration: 2 minutes)

5. Share the care: Now share the energy you've just gained through healing with others. Let the energy spill over your body. Imagine it flowing to your family, friends, colleagues, clients, even strangers you've only met once. (Suggested duration: 1 1/2 minutes)

6, self-motivation: In the next two minutes, think about your three most important goals. It can be a long-term goal, such as what kind of person you become, what kind of ability and talent you have; It can also be a mid-term goal for this year, such as what kind of breakthrough to achieve; Or short-term goals for the week, like getting something done.

Imagine that these goals have been achieved by now. Feel the excitement and joy that you feel when you have achieved them. Then think about what you need to do today to achieve this goal. Give yourself a pat on the back and tell yourself, "No matter what difficulties I encounter, I will face them positively." (Suggested duration: 2 1/2 minutes)

7. Start the day: Take a moment to stretch and reflect on all the active exercises you've just done. You've set yourself up to be the best you can be. Stay that way and go out there and conquer the day without any regrets about who you are today.

This starting exercise doesn't take long, about 10 minutes, and you can do it before breakfast. Of course, if you're experiencing emotional distress during the day, you can stop, find a quiet place, and take 10 minutes to regroup.

Finally, a brief summary:

How to develop a positive and optimistic attitude

1. In the morning: 10 minutes to start the exercise

Every morning before breakfast, take 10 minutes to do a kick-start exercise to get yourself in top shape and set a good mood for the day.

2. During the day: Give yourself positive psychological cues

In the process of action, if you encounter emotional obstacles, you must pay attention to the negative thoughts in your heart at this time, and then give yourself a positive psychological suggestion in time.

3. In the evening: Keep a journal

Set a time each evening for 15 minutes to write in your journal, not too much, 300-500 words, a brief review and summary of the day. If you are unhappy, write about what happened and how you felt. Then you can cognitively reassess the situation. If you are not unhappy, write about the small things to be thankful for.

If you can really stick to these three things, then after a while, you will find that your whole person will become more and more positive and your attitude will become better and better.