How To Be Happier

I will start with, everyone is unique. Not every choice, emotion, reaction, position will be the same for everyone. How you learn to move past the bull**** of the world will allow you to flow through life.

First Stage - Control

The first issue is that you are thinking about the problems that are out of your control. The most common phrase said by people who understand this is, "it is what it is." Understanding that you can only control so much in life. Believing that you are meant to be a certain way or look a certain way is preposterous. You can only control so much of your life.

For example, you can control what goes into your body but you can't control how exactly your body will react to it.

Another example that is more relatable to some, you can control your actions, but you can't control another persons actions. You can put in as much effort as you can into a relationship with someone but you can't tell someone they love you.

This is the first step you need to hurdle. You need to stop and think. Is what has happened out of my control? If it is a yes. Then you can move onto the next chapter.

Secondary Stage - Acceptance

Accepting what has happened. Everyone at some point in their life have this moment where you can let something be your story, or you can let it be what it is.

You can sit there and blame, hate, despise and reject everything going on. Or you can accept it.

For example, too many times I have seen people take a definitive moment in their life. A breakup, A divorce, A death even. Blame the world, it's not fair, life is so hard. Yes and No. Life is hard, but only if you allow it to be. If it was time for something to happen it was time for something to happen. If you hold onto sadness of something for so long you may never move forward.

Focus on the future. What about the people of my past? You can reflect on people from the past but purely only focus on the good, or even what you have learnt from them.

For example, if you father has passed away. Think about the time when they taught you how to ride a bike. It might make you teary, it might invoke strong emotions but focusing on the good will help you to keep moving forward.

If you can sit there and say I am my own person and I wont let tragedies, events or issues of my past to define what the future me does. You can move onto the next section.

Third Stage - Understanding

Understanding is crucial to recovering. If you understand the steps that were taken, you can move forward. This is also known as failure.

Failure is a huge word, but to me. It just means I have a lesson to be learnt.

Failing at something is never bad to me. It means you need to reflect. What went wrong? What did I do wrong? If there was someone else, what did they do that I should avoid, or confront next time? What were the red flags that I need to look out for? Admittingly, this will force you to over think. I suggest a quiet place on your own. At the beach, in the car, at an art museum. Who cares go to a toilet block if you really want to, all that matters are your thoughts and you need to articulate them in a way you can understand them.

Having others around in this stage can be a burden because it doesn't allow you to think for yourself and makes you have irrational, precarious thoughts and decisions.

Come to a conclusion, but don't make it an angry one. If you think "he was a piece of s***" although it may be true. You are missing the point of this stage. Instead, if you think "I need to be more courteous of my partners emotions and how I react to what they tell me. Perhaps in the future I should discuss how I am feeling with my partners when I am feeling it." You have taken a huge step. Leaving angry related thoughts in your mind well only give you ramifications.

Fourth Stage - Physical Non-Issues

This one was the hardest for me growing up. I was a chubby child, and quite often getting terrible, absolutely disgusting comments about my appearance lead me to being anxious as a teenager and constantly being depressed.

The thing I want to talk about is 'the other persons perspective' approach. To explain this, you are to ignore anyone's perspective on your appearance other than yourself. This includes digital advertising... Yes you read that.

They advertise what they call 'treatments' out there but for them to be called 'treatments' there needs to be something wrong in the first place.

You hear about a 'lip filler treatment' and you sit there and think that because your lips aren't big that there's something wrong with them. It seems that you are falling for the marketing of these 'treatments'

But realistically you should just listen to your mum when she says you're beautiful. I hope that just made you smile ;).

I'm not saying you can't go get the nose job 'treatments', or the boobs 'fixed'. But for something to be fixed there needs to be an issue in the first place and if you don't believe that there is an issue. Then it's a non-issue and does not need to be fixed.

This section is a tough one, but generally these days it invokes a series of emotions where people feel they have to fight back against people who tell them there is nothing wrong with them. You are free to do what you want and this by no means a step by step procedure. This is purely just the way I have gotten past what you would call 'my demons'.

Fifth Stage - Final Stages

Final stages of my process.

GO OUTSIDE!

Look, kind of an obviously unobvious one but seriously, go out. Grab coffee, go to the movies, go to a friends house, visit comedy shows(this one really helped me), go to the beach. You don't need anyone to go with you, being by yourself allows you to independently grow as a person. When out, take your time to think about what's going on. Find something new and follow it.

I call it 'The New Step'

The New Step is finding something new and trying it. I used to hate seafood and I don't even know why. I now know I love sharing my perspective and stories on vocal and on my website. I love playing guitar. I love going to the snow. These are things I wouldn't have known if I didn't just go and try something new.

Let me know what you think, if certain stages helped you. If certain stages weren't that clear to you. Whatever you think, I am happy for a discussion.

I wrote this in the hopes that one day someone who really needs to see it, does see it. And if you feel it relates to you, know that it isn't the end and I care and you are loved. This was written in memory of someone who was a big impact on my life.