How Self Development Really Works - If It Works At All

It has become part of good manners to address a request and a warning to the reader at the end of a self-help book. The request: Start today to put what you have learned into practice. Don't wait for the right time, because the right time is right now.

The warning that follows immediately sounds something like this: Are you one of the 99% who will simply close this book and forget it or are you one of the 1% who decides to really use this valuable knowledge for themselves? Just reading that book won't change your life. The knowledge and methods described here will only help you if you implement them.

Sounds logical so far, doesn't it? After all, who doesn't know them, the self-help addicts who buy and read one book after the other, buy courses on courses or read ten articles on the subject every day here at Medium?

Is that maybe even you? And do you hate yourself for it? Do you think there is something wrong with you because you simply cannot use all the knowledge you have acquired to become more productive, wealthier, healthier or more spiritual?

Then I have good news for you: You're far from lost. In fact, it is perfectly normal for you to feel that way and the fact that you have read five or ten books on the same subject is even healthy.

3 reasons why the one book that changes your life doesn't seem to exist

1. no book deals with all the crucial aspects of your life at once

There are books on goal-setting, habit building, weight loss, partnership, brainstorming, financial success, serenity, speed reading, mnemonics, motivation and a thousand other components of a successful or satisfying life.

Very few books try to summarize all conceivable areas of life in one meta-system.

The problem with monothematic books is that to implement the methods described here, one usually needs knowledge that can only be found in other books.

Example: A book on the development of good habits contains everything we need to know about this very subject. But it doesn't tell us how to find out for ourselves what habits we should wish for at all. This requires specific knowledge of our own values, our visions for the future and much more. If we do not know these points, it could be that we get used to getting up at five in the morning every day, only to find out that we have no idea what the hell to do with the time we have gained. Also, we could find that with so little sleep we are much less efficient. If someone hadn't been able to tell us that before, we'd ask ourselves. In the book about habit-forming, there was nothing about it.

2. to change the structures in our brain, we need repetitions.

It is doubtful that we will close a self-development book and immediately start to change our lives sustainably. Many of us are very motivated at the beginning and are really working hard, but we all know that in very few cases it stays that way for more than a few days.

This is completely normal and has to do with the functioning of our brain. What we do all day long and how we do things is controlled mainly by unconscious habits. These habits have developed over many years by repeating specific actions or thoughts many times. Everything that is repeatedly presented to our brain is classified over time as "good" and thus accepted. Thoughts and views are no longer questioned, and entire sequences of actions are automated.

So what's going to be stronger? The habit of eating a piece of the pie that we're offered? Or the realization once read that it would be better for us to refuse? The answer should be clear.

So to establish the counter-model of rejecting the cake, we have to beat the brain with its own weapons. Of course, we could try that by reading our book about good eating habits over and over again. However, this would be quite boring and can hardly be sustained.

The solution, which we all use unconsciously, is to read another book on the same subject, which basically conveys the same information but presents it entirely differently. Suddenly the old familiar information feels new again, and we are motivated to read the second book thoroughly. And then another one, and another one.

In this way, we manage to feed the thought that it is better to reject a piece of cake into our brain again and again over a long period. And this can then actually become the habit of always thinking "no" when someone chases us again with cake. The step from a deliberate no to a practiced no is then suddenly no longer so difficult.

But be careful: That's not the whole solution either. What we learned in point one is still true: As long as we only tackle one area of personality development, we may sabotage our success on that bit because we need knowledge from other areas.

And that takes us straight to point three:

3. we see the book as a finished building, not as a building block

We first saw in point one that we still need additional information from other books and fields of knowledge if we want to use the methods of a monothematic book successfully.

Point two then showed us that reading a book once does not generate enough penetrating power to influence our subconsciousness.

Taken together, these two insights lead to the third reason why a single self-help book cannot change our lives: Because that is precisely what we expect from it and we are disappointed if this expectation is not fulfilled. So we devaluate everything we have read in the book, forget it soon again and reach for the next book/course/ article.

Why and especially how Self-Help books can ultimately change your life.

There are two kinds of people who always read new self-help books. One species does it for the wrong reasons, the other for just the right ones.

The famous Self Help addicts are not aware of the three points explained above. Who does not understand point one will give up after a book. Whoever follows point one but does not take point two into account becomes a restless, frequent reader who jumps from topic to topic without ever deepening one.

If we forget point 3, we read many books on one topic, then many books on the next issue and get closer to the solution. But on the way, we forget many essential things from the previous books and have to rediscover them later.

So how does Self-development really work? What are the benefits of self-help books?

A real chance to profit from self-help books, courses and articles is only possible if we consider all three points we have discussed here. With every book, we have to be aware that it is only a piece of the puzzle of the overall picture. But we must also understand that every part of the puzzle is essential. With this awareness, we suddenly approach the Self Development project systematically instead of getting lost in the wealth of available information.

So we have to do four things to be successful:

1. make it clear to us that personality development is complex and that we need to address more than just one issue.

2. read many different books and articles on each topic so that the new view of things can be anchored in our subconscious.

3. see every single book and every article as an important building block for our development and write down and think through the key points before we move on to the next.

4. relate all areas of our lives and personality development to each other and to our values and visions and then decide which methods we actually want to apply.

We're almost at the end of this article. Everything I have written here about self-development is based on my own experiences. I have tried out all the wrong ways myself, and the realization of how everything is really connected has developed over many years.

But maybe most importantly, I've been saving it for last.

You never make progress anywhere at the same time.

Personality development is a broad field. It is utopian to hope to be able to change and optimize all areas of life in one go.

Over the years I've learned the skills I need to publish a new novel every two months, but during that time other areas had to take a back seat. For example, I gained fifteen kilograms during this time and did not manage to develop a regular sports routine. My mental capacities were fully utilized by writing.

For a few months now, the writing process has been running by itself, and I was able to turn to new projects. Now it's my turn to play sport and my health. Only now am I in a position to put the necessary energy into this project without immediately losing ground while writing.

My point is that self-development should be a lifelong, pleasurable process, because only then can you expect it to work. So be patient with yourselves. That's the only way it can work.

I confirm that I am the author of the article and that I have the relevant rights to submit this story to Vocal.