How Painting Helps Me Stop Worrying

Our anxiety is not based on thinking about the future but on wanting to control it. ”~ Kahlil Gibran

Anxiety has followed me around like a lost dog looking for bone for years now.

I feel very comfortable when I am worried about my health or the health of my daughter. I see a strange rash or I feel a strange and sudden sensation: panic!

My worries aren’t limited to health concerns though, and my enlightenment goes hand in hand with fears about the future of the world, worries about my finances, and fears that I don’t deserve it.

Is my concern justified? My mind tells me that it is so.

“Do you remember how you reacted to medication? It could happen again! ”

“Do you know how your daughter contracted the disease two years ago? You never know what might happen next! ”

“Think back to the time when you and your family had a slow winter and were very worried about money. That may soon be too late! ”

And in my mind it goes on. I know I shouldn't believe what I'm being told, but sometimes I suck at the bottom and I can't help it.

I don't think I was so worried when I was younger. I think that the foundation of my fear was when I was in my late teens and early 20's. I think by that time I have lived a good enough life to know that things can go wrong and go wrong.

I don't like to feel anxious. I don’t like the way my body feels irrational and my mind is racing. I don't like it when I can focus on something I should be doing.

But this is not a sad story, it is a story of little progress and small steps to move forward. It is a journey of peace in the midst of a storm.

To me that peace began with drawing.

Let me go back a few decades ago, back to when anxiety was not a part of my life. When I was young, I loved art. I painted, painted, did extra art classes on the weekends because that was what I enjoyed.

I went to college to become an art teacher, switching to a later design track. When I finished school in May 2001, I was working part-time as a part-time designer, and after the events of September 2001, I knew I needed to leave, to get out of the safe life I was living in my hometown.

That’s when my creative habits fell by the wayside. I’ve never given up those years of going camping and doing random activities, but when I look back, I see where I stopped doing art.

Fortunately, after the birth of my daughter in 2014, the desire to create came back. At first, I used a small corner to sleep in our small mountain cabin to paint. We finally bought a house, and I found a space to spread out, to keep my stuff up on my desk, ready to paint whenever there was a desire.

That's when I started to notice something important: Drawing silenced me in a way that no one else did. Lower my fears and anxieties in other ways (deep breathing, meditation) did not, at least not invariably.

Drawing my peaceful place. Drawing brings me directly to the moment, quickly and easily. Do you know that you have to be careful and quiet? That’s what a drawing can do for me, no tips or tricks or timers or mantras needed.

Yes, I use other methods to alleviate my anxiety, but painting is my absolute favorite. I have to come up with something new. I find it flowing wherever the brush takes me. I become silent inside as the whole world descends, all while allowing something good to emerge.

When anxious thoughts begin to circulate, I know what to do. I go into my studio, pick up some stuff, and start creating. Suddenly, the burning anxiety is gone and instead my mind is silent.

Even if you’re not in the arts, even if you don’t have a creative bone in your body, I think you can achieve the peace I find when I paint. You may not have a brush in your hand, though!

First things first: If you are struggling with anxiety, you should seek the help of a licensed professional. Although drawing is helpful, I also see a consultant, and the tools they have given me are very expensive.

Now that we have removed that, here are some ways I think peace and tranquility can be achieved, or do not meditate or do not breathe deeply while counting to ten.

Think back to the joy and excitement of being a child. Maybe for you it was playing a game or a musical instrument; writing your drawings or training your dog to roll them. Whatever it is, look for ways to add more to your life now.

Start paying attention to your health as an adult and what activities make you forget this time. When are you completely immersed? When do you completely quit? Maybe it’s in the middle of a yoga or meditation phase, but maybe that’s when you’re preparing your family for food or writing a work budget.

Yet your mind whenever you remember. I do this now, especially if I don't paint. I know that a stagnant mind can take away my anxiety, and I know that I cannot paint all the hours of the day. Just noticing my body feeling in the seat below me or listening to the sounds in the room around me helps my mind to calm down.

I think the reason for painting is so helpful in my worries that, in order to be anxious, I have to worry about the future and what it holds. When I do a job that requires my full attention, I should be present; there is no other way.

All the practices we can use to find peace, whether to change our thoughts, to follow our breath, to repeat a prayer or a mantra, all depend on the same thing: to bring our existence now.

What work brings you to the present? What makes you feel fully alive and influenced right now? It does not matter if you are talented or not. It doesn't matter if you like to do things. The only thing that matters is finding a way to be here, right now, instead of an unknown future.