How lockdown has taught me to love myself

Hi everyone. On today’s subject, I’m going to talk about how Covid-19 and being on lockdown/furlough has taught me to love and accept myself a bit more.

I have always been an introvert person, but also never really loved to be alone. I’ve always needed the approval of people to accept myself, to make me feel good. I’ve never really been happy about myself and my own body. I have been putting a lot of pressure on my boyfriend. Always required love from him because I didn’t have enough for myself. But lockdown has changed the game.

We moved together just before the lockdown was announced. But he was on lockdown for a month only before his boss gave him the green light to go back to work (he’s a landscape gardener so he can work). Thus, had to spend time alone. A lot of it. And I needed to be productive. I know, I didn’t have to, but knowing that he was at work, busy, working hard all day made me feel guilty of being at home and not doing anything, so I used that time on furlough to be proactive. I have passed an interior designer diploma, baked and cooked dishes that my boyfriend doesn’t like, but I love (greatest time to eat what I want because my boyfriend is quite picky and doesn’t like some of the dishes that I love). I went for runs, painted and learnt to make masks, completed loads of puzzles, also relaxed and pampered myself with face masks and long my nails and all. I took the time to read books that I wanted to read for a while, and wrote articles!

And I then realised, I actually felt good. Good about myself. And I love that time alone. I love time with my boyfriend too, but that time I have for myself when I don’t have to worry about anyone and I can just do whatever I want. It’s just what I needed to realise that being alone is not that bad. So lockdown has helped me a lot with that. Emotionally and mentally as well as physically. I said a few lines back that I went for runs. And the reason is that I didn’t have any excuse anymore. When I was working full time, I always had the “Oh I have to go to work, no time for a run”. But during the lockdown/furlough period, all I have is time. No. More. Excuses! And thank god I went for it. When lockdown started, I couldn’t run 30 minutes without a couple of times. 6 months later, I can run over an hour without stopping. That makes me feel so proud of myself and my body and what it can do! It’s not always easy, but now I get it. There will always be the low days when I’ll feel like nothing is right like I feel like staying in bed all day and not do anything. And it’s OK. It’s normal. Not every day can be sunshine and rainbows. But tomorrow is another day. And that is what I am looking for on those bad days. Nothing is impossible if you believe in yourself. And thanks to that lockdown and furlough. I believe in myself more than ever.

So yes, that lockdown was/is good for me and I am thankful that I manage to turn that sad and difficult time into something that was positive.

I hope you all are keeping yourselves safe and sound and hope this article will help you see the brighter side of things.

And don't forget to wear a mask!

Axelle