Healing The Outcast

It’s hard to fit in.

It’s hard to relate when it comes to your memories. You know the ones of your inner child. The ones that seem so far away but run deep.

It’s hard to fit in.

You saw certain things, heard certain things.

Felt them too. But as a child, you didn’t know you were being conditioned. Conditioned. “To have a significant influence on or determine the manner or outcome of something.” Something tells me they didn’t know either. Our parents didn’t know the weight it would carry. On how we love, on what we accept.. and now

It’s hard to fit in.

Maybe if they were older before they married. Maybe if my Dad wasn’t poor growing up. Maybe if my mom wasn’t abandoned. Maybe if I had a regular childhood.

It’s hard to fit in.

There’s a certain loneliness, an emptiness, a darkness some would say. I believe it starts with a memory. You know the ones of your inner child. You saw certain things, heard certain things.

Felt them too.

But there was never healing. There was never time given to your wounds. Nobody to tell how much it confused you. Or how it was hard to sleep at night.

It’s hard to fit in.

Now you’re an adult and

It’s hard to fit in.

You need more time than others. To process. To heal. You’re older now. You can express it. You saw certain things, heard certain things.

Felt them too.

You learn yourself. Process your experiences. Astrology helps. Reworking your childhood conditioning takes time. Changing your thought patterns takes seasons.

Learning to love yourself the way a parent never could.

Releasing the abandonment. Which indeed feels like a feeling. It’s the panic no one talks about that still gets triggered sometimes by the simplest things.

The hardest thing to accept is that it’s just a trick of the brain telling you

It’s hard to fit in.

You’re never alone. You saw certain things, heard certain things.

Felt them too.

Everyday your thoughts need to remind you. “I choose me. I am not alone. I am healing more everyday.”

The traumatic memories need to be revisited and healed. Not everyone has had to do the inner work we do and continue to do. You weren’t meant to match the frequency of the masses.

It’s hard to fit in.

There’s so much power in that.