Growing Older
All the youth in the world can't stop you from growing older.
This year was a big year for me, besides having a big upswing I also turned 40. I remember being a teenager and thinking 30 was old. My thirties have come and gone and the truth is, I don't feel old at all.
I'll admit that leading up to my 40th birthday I had some reservations. A lot of fears, more thoughts of inadequacy, and a growing ache that I wasn't where I was supposed to be.
I mean, by 30 I was supposed to be an established writer, friends with Oprah Winfrey, recording music, and making movies. From as far back as I can remember that is what I wanted for my life, it is all I ever dreamed of doing. Everything else was just filler until my time came.
My time never came and I had a million excuses as to why. Excuses and rationalizations were my truths; except they were lies. The truth is, the reason I never achieved anything is because of fear. I had a fear of failing and a fear of succeeding. I was squashed somewhere right in the middle. I had never done a single thing to put my dreams into action.
I have never gone on an audition, never recorded a proper demo, never tried to get my lyrics out there, and hardly put myself in the arena for anything that closely aligned with my desires. I was terrified to be vulnerable. Happily complacent to live my dreams out in the comforts and confines of my imagination. Fear has robbed me of my destiny! Fear has stolen my purpose and silenced my passion.
With turning 40 I have chosen to eat better, exercise, increase my flexibility, all to aid the aging process. While there have been times I have wished I would die in this life, I want to live at least another 40 years. So while I am doing physical things to aid in my aging process I also need to do some serious mental work too. Starting with fear. It has not been of any use to me for 40 years and I'll be damned it take another 40 from me.
Getting older feels rather good. As you age you learn to give less F**ks. This year and all years to come I choose to only give f**ks where it counts. I choose to kick fear out of this vehicle, no more free rides. I choose to embrace vulnerability and put myself in the arena as often as I can. Who knows what can and will happen?
I don't necessarily believe that without fear I would be at a superstar level. Chasing your dreams doesn't mean you will have all the success you can imagine but it does mean you get to go to bed at night knowing that you gave it your best. Success is the journey, not the result. I want to start laying my head down to excellent efforts instead of wasted potential in the name of fear.
So besides making involuntary noises when you try to get up off the couch, growing older comes with a whole heap of perks, advantages, deeper understandings, new perspectives and a lot less f**ks. It is what we make of it that matters. I have realized through all the reflection that I am right where I am supposed to be.
Don't let fear steal your journey, it has the probability of being extraordinary.
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