Everyone needs a fan

I was overtired, constantly sick, and depressed.

The problem with Twitter was that everyone there was speaking about niches, side hustles, and how to make more money.

It was exhausting!

But it was also eye-opening.

I love being a teacher. I love being a mom. I love being essential to my loved ones.

But I had never really thought about my niche. Not in those terms. I’ve always known that my passion is for teaching and learning, but I have always felt average and inclined to move constantly in the same direction.

I realized I needed to be an educator from my most memorable day at school. I seldom considered something else, and I don't lament my decisions. I have learned so much. I love education and feel passionately about my learners and their futures. Thus, really, this all feels somewhat childish to know reality. All things considered, individuals catch wind of what I do, and the initial two things they say are, "Goodness!That is inspiring” and “You must feel so fulfilled”. Eish! It sucks to say that I do not feel the kind of fulfillment everyone expects. Now I feel guilty. And like an imposter.

Culpability and an inability to acknowledge success have turned into my functioning colleagues.

Zoom out and look a little at the bigger picture that includes my siblings, and you may have a better idea of yet another thing that gets me down some days.

This is because I have siblings who are very seriously talented in music and dancing. Their niches are well-defined, and they know it. All things considered, despite the fact that they just found their energy for these things later than I understood I needed to turn into an educator, they all have a thought of where they are going and they definitely know a lot about how to arrive at those objectives.

People also adore them. As do I, so don’t think it is jealousy. It is a smidgen more confounded than that. I'm extremely pleased with their accomplishments. It is more that I feel a bit like I don’t fit the same mold as them and this makes it a bit hard for me because I would love to be as talented and disciplined as them. I’m not. I am just a teacher of learners with special educational needs (LSEN). I presently have 7 years of involvement with this, however as per my certification, I'm underqualified to do what I do. This has always made me feel a bit stupid and average. I also have always felt a little like the talentless sibling in my family of amazing and incredible people. As I grow older, I am discovering that this is okay. In the event that I was only equivalent to them, it might have transformed my relationship with them into to a greater extent a contest.

I had a lightbulb moment recently when I realized that I prefer being their number one fan.

I am the type of person who enjoys many things, but I happen to master almost nothing. This is a tough thing to be when you have amazing and talented people to compare yourself to. It affects your self-worth, and I know that I am enough, but I don’t always feel it, you know?

Indeed, individuals come to me for counsel. Yes, I know enough to get by and am constantly learning so that I can help train my colleagues, even those who are “more qualified than I”. Indeed, I love what I do, yet is this my specialty? And if it is, why do I suffer so badly from imposter syndrome?

I started to feel boxed in.

What if I’m not headed in the direction I want to go?

What if I find something else to do…

And hate it?

I was already looking into learning design as a bit of a pivot from what I am currently doing, and this idea is still on the table. So where does this all leave me? I’m not yet totally sure. So, my search continues…

Back to Twitter. I started devouring every source of information about niches that I could find. I wanted to know more. The desire burned inside of me to figure this out. I didn’t share it with anyone at first because most people I know think I’m exactly where I want to be; exactly where I should be. I feel a bit guilty sometimes because I am — technically — in a very good space. I am also super scared of disappointing people. I know that many people rely on me to be constant and strong. But…

Sometimes I need more, too.

I started forming a small community on Twitter. It is still very small. My engagement is still lacking, but I am still learning. However, I discovered that I suddenly had fans. Revert back to my lightbulb moment. I was suddenly on the other side of the place where I normally find myself. Sure, these are people who don’t actually know me personally, but who cares? Are these people I don’t know suddenly cheering on my little successes? Yes, please!

I understood that we as a whole need individuals who are rooting for us through the ups and downs of life. We can all be in different places in the world, we can be of different ages, have a variety of cultures, and have different niches, but we all need someone to follow our journey. We as a whole need a local area of some sort or another.

We all need a fan

I have been to numerous music and dance recitals. I am the person my siblings call when they need someone. Why? They know that (other than our parents, of course) I am their biggest fan. I love listening to them, watching them, and seeing how they grow in what they do. I have realized that on a personal level, this is a special part of my niche, and I am learning more about this — and myself — constantly. I love encouraging people to do their best and seeing them succeed — it is part of what I love about teaching.

I discovered this through my interactions on Twitter, because I now have some fans, too.

I am still finding my niche.

I have started writing on Substack (check me out there if you’re interested in my “special needs teacher niche” stuff), I have started writing on Medium on a slightly more personal level to share this journey, and I have discovered that I can stop worrying so much about getting stuck because I have a community of fans now, too. They uplift me. They make me feel encouraged. Their stories strengthen me, and I hope mine strengthens them.

Another thing I have realized is that this is just one of many journeys I have begun and will begin in my life. Every journey relates to a different aspect of my life, with a unique set of challenges and rewards. It just happens that this specific journey is the focal point for me right now. I want to do more and feel like my work is sustainable and worthwhile. That is what I am focusing on achieving in this journey. I have decided to stop pushing myself beyond my own limits. I am taking things slow now that I know I am not alone. It is okay to go at a pace that suits me. Take my advice:

Don’t burn yourself when you begin a new journey.

When we start a race, we have people on the sidelines to cheer us on because it gets us going and keeps us motivated. Life is very much the same. We all need a community. We all need people to cheer us on and encourage us to keep going. Find your community. Set your own pace. And…

If you need a fan. Reach out to me on Twitter, Substack, or Medium.

Let’s talk.

Wishing you the best in what you are doing and all the best in finding direction on whatever journey you find yourself.