Defining Worth

Growing up I’ve been told “Go to high school, get your diploma, go to college, work hard at a job and stay there if the pay is good and you have excellent benefits. Then after 35-40 years you can then retire with your 401k and go live the rest of your life somewhere nice.”

For years this has been drilled in my head - Work, go to sleep, make money, work hard and people will see you and think you are an excellent example of a hard worker. Even jobs that you don’t really like, stick it out, you don’t want to lose your benefits, oh god think of the 401k plan! Not the 401k! Yes the 401k, don’t lose that plan!

-Deep Breath In-

For years I’ve done as I was told. Work a job even if you don’t quite like it as long as it pays well. You never want to lose your benefits and you can retire at 60. For years this was my function as a “cog in the wheel” push out results to keep the bosses happy, as they take their wives and kids out to a exclusive vacation to Greece. If I were to complain about how tired I am: “Oh just take a day off, and you’ll be ready to work!” One day turned into two, three, a week, me burning all of vacation and sick days jonsing for the next refill so I can take off again. This system that was designed to be “economical” for people was not working for me. For years I’ve longed to take a vacation somewhere else other than the next town or state over. A week in Florida, or a escape to the Adirondacks was not enough. I was starting to feel like it was me and that maybe I’m just lazy. Truth of the matter was that I am FAR from lazy. I was not doing what my soul wanted to do and was rewarded with fatigue, me being consistently late for cog work, forgetfulness, depression, anxiety. The human body has funny ways of letting you know when something is not for you. For me was the constant anxiety, sleeplessness, lack of hope for my future.

-I had to make a exit plan -

I had to escape this monotonous cycle designed to keep people from advancing especially a woman. We are often afraid of not having something. One thing in particular, money. Money is the one thing most humans are afraid of not having. Not food nor water, but many money. Myself suffered for so long because I was afraid of not having money. “How will I pay my bills, what about my car, my home? My god what would others think about me wanting to leave my position?” Trust me. Many many more thoughts swirled in my head, spinning endlessly for hours until I finally took a leap of faith. “No more…I can’t do this anymore.” I stepped up into my own power and left the comfort and stability of a job that was breaking my heart each day. Placing my worries aside I stepped into the world with a new perspective for how life should be for people.

I did not want to be a cog in the wheel mindlessly typing, I did not want to be near ready for the grave when I retire, I do not want to worry about the state of my 401k or if my coworkers will hate me now that there is one less unhappy person working. I had to have several breakdowns, months of therapy and spiritual downloads to realize that my own personal worth is defined by me, not a company, or another person, or by the weight of my bank account. How we all live life by our own rules, living our souls purpose, how we react and align with situations defines our own worth. Everyone is worthy in one form or another. Everyone deserves to live a life without the unnecessary stress, without defining your personal worth on how you work to death achieving someone else’s dreams (I mean if you like to work for others and find joy in it that is fantastic!).

If you are reading this. I encourage you to take a deep look into yourself, ask your guides, ask your inner child, ask your higher self: “Is this what I am supposed to be doing? Is this MY path?” If you feel that pull on your heart that you are meant for greater, take that leap of faith. Go see what is out there for you. Uncertainty is the fear that keeps free thinkers and other people coming into their divinity from making that jump. In order to make room for new things you must clear out the old junk that holds you back. What is keeping you from achieving your dreams, your goals, your soul’s calling? What is keeping you to remain another cog in the wheel, unhappy but you still have your 401k and can retire at 60?

This is a piece of my story that I share to inspire the neurons to spark to life and have that “Ah ha!” moment. This is a piece of my character of who I am. I am not a cog in the wheel, I am a woman devoted to myself and grace and I hope to inspire a few rather than millions today.

You are worthy of the life you wish to live. Remember that.