Circle of Love

Have you ever had an insanely crazy day, where nothing makes sense and you feel like you are in a movie? Exactly 6 months to the day, I had specifically that type of day. My name is Melanie. I'm an up-and-coming Comic. Today I gave the best performance of my life, and it was so much fun! Then when I got off the stage I was pulled aside by a talent scout. I have an appointment tomorrow to go over a one-year contract that I'm being offered in my dream city!!! I am literally both laughing and crying because I am overjoyed and so incredibly proud of myself!

Six months ago, my life was not so peachy. It was a living hell. I was struggling just to pay my bills as well as struggling to even recognize myself as a Comic. As funny as I thought I was, no one else seemed to agree. Every night I would get beat down by the most heartless hecklers. Never seeing me as a person, just someone to try and triumph. For so long, I tried to remain strong. Truth be told, I was beaten. Alone. All the heckling! Trying to keep a strong face. Can't let them see me cry. Going home, letting my pillow see the ocean of tears I had just choked back. That night I was unable to hold the tears back. As soon as I got onto the bus, the damn of tears burst. I was uncontrollably sobbing, mascara running down my face. I looked like a demented, melted clown.

Realizing how crazy I must have looked, I wiped my face with my hands and looked around the bus. It was eerily empty, except for one other passenger in the very back corner. He giggled, then cried, then burst out laughing. I put my headphones on and turned on the Beatles to try and get out of my head. Every time I glanced back the guy in the corner would be talking to himself while simultaneously laughing and crying. He pulled the cord to stop and jumped up. There was a little black notebook in his hand. As the bus pulled to a stop, he approached me with a smile on his face and what I now know to be happy tears streaming down his cheeks. He handed the book to me, and without thinking my hand grabbed it.

"Hello, Love! You are about to go on the most wonderful journey! You love you!" He exclaimed and disappeared out the back exit.

Perplexed, I stared off into the distance where he had disappeared. What the heck just happened? Journey? You Love You? What the mess? Finally coming back to myself, I looked at the book in my hand. I leafed through it. It was a phone book. Names, addresses, and phone numbers for everyone, along with one word following their names.

Elizabeth Johnson ~ Courage

Jonah King ~ Joy

Erika Palmer ~ Kindness

...

Elouise Montgomery ~ Patience

Very strange! Everyone thought we were cousins, but Elouise was my half-sister. We rarely saw each other. Not only because we had different mothers, but because she has always lived a more upscale life than I did. However, it still made me scratch my head. Why was Elouise in this book? Continuing to go through it, I recognized several people in the book. Like my high school drama teacher, and Sam, my mailman. I turned to the very first page. Property of Melanie Williams, and underneath MY name, in bold writing it read YOU LOVE YOU. I called up Elouise as soon as I got home and showered to set up a breakfast date for the next morning.

"Hey, Love!" She waved at me from a table set on the patio.

I walked over and gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek. We put in our order and I proceeded to tell her about the crazy guy from the bus. She just smiled at me at let out a little giggle

"You're in for such a treat," she gushed "I have been waiting for this time. You are about to see how beautiful you are and how many gifts you have to offer the world."

She grabbed the book from me, opened it to a certain page, and handed it back, pointing at a name. Erika Palmer

"Give Erika a call. She is the best one to help you start your journey." She offered only that.

I was frustrated that Elouise knew what was going on, yet did not tell me anything. I called Erika next, unsure of what to expect, I told her my story. Even over the phone, I could tell she was the best friend everyone wished for.

"Are you busy this afternoon?” She asked.

I verbally vomited all over her, “I'm not busy. I was a comic, but after the worst show of my life, I never want to perform again. So, I have tons of time! At least until I figure my life out.”

I facepalmed myself inside my mind. Why did I tell her any of that? Ugh, what a loser, telling her all my issues, I thought to myself.

“Excellent!” She exclaimed completely unaffected by what I had told her.

Put off by her lack of pity for my problems, I thought about her warm voice, and willingness to have a conversation. Instantly I forgot about the stinging from a few seconds earlier.

An hour later I was pulling up to a majestic cottage. A tall muscular woman with a mane of silver and black locks, skin like the sweetest golden caramel, and a smile that could light up nations danced out of the front entrance with her arms wide open to embrace me with the warmest hug I had ever felt.

“Welcome Love!” she exclaimed and hugged me. “You have so many questions, and I am excited to help you on your way."

The front door opened into a bright living room. I continued to follow back through a narrow hallway that opened up into an extra-large dining room with a round table made of redwood. People were sitting inside having refreshments.

"She's Arrived!" one called out as I entered.

Everyone turned to face me. They all stood, smiling and gestured for me to sit in the one remaining spot. As I walked past, each would grab my arms and pull me close, kiss my cheek, and whisper something in my ear. At the time, I was in such a daze, I didn't understand any of it.

Elouise was the last and her embrace melted me. She never hugged me with such acceptance. With that hug, I felt every problem between us vanish. We entered a new arena, in which we could vulnerably share with no judgment from the other. This connection felt so pure that I let all my anxiety fade. I allowed my face to be infected by the contagious smiles Elouise and the others wore so easily. Before I sat down, Erika turned me towards her and placed a beautiful tiara on my head.

“You are such a beautiful woman!” She assured me as she grabbed my face and kissed me.

She was clearly blind because, 6 months ago, I was just your average-looking mousy girl. Maybe a 6 on a great day. That hug though! That was going to make me feel like I was on cloud 9 all night long. So, I soaked up the compliment and sat down for what was to come.

"One at a time, State your name and superpower" Erika instructed everyone at the table.

Sounds odd, but everyone had so much joy as they spoke. The air was light, filled with so many sensational aromas and sounds. I felt the energy in the air. It was both invigorating and calming. Everything felt pure. The day quickly turned into night. Each person taking a turn. Sharing their unique journey. We enjoyed a fantastic meal that lasted hours full of the freshest ingredients and flavored to perfection. Even the food felt energized. I soaked it all in. Something inside me was sparked.

When all stories concluded, I knew each person on such an intimate level. I was honored to be let in. I started to wonder why I was there. Everyone here was special, powerful, confident, and I didn't belong. The thought that I couldn't hold my own among these insanely talented people, made me extremely sad.

We were invited out to the fire pit where a fire was already glowing, waiting to bring warmth and light to some further conversation. After some relaxed conversation, Erika pulled out a matte black box with a velvet crimson bow tied neatly around it.

“It’s your turn.” She smiled.

Everyone cheered as I opened a box that would forever change my life.

I was completely silenced with shock. There was $20,000, a jar full of folded strips of paper labeled, ADVICE, a picture of all of us enjoying the dinner we just ate, a picture of a man I never met, and a letter.

Hello Love!

Your arrival has been long anticipated. Watching you struggle has been difficult and inspiring. Watching you shame yourself and beat yourself up was bitterly painful. However, watching you get back up and try again, inspiring! You are such a bright light. A true beauty! You deserve to know the true brilliance of your light. You already know love, for you give it to everyone in your life, sometimes at the expense of love for yourself.

We want you to imagine a little girl, 6 years old, singing and dancing in the park. The sun is shining, she is giggling while spinning in circles, soaking in the sunshine, envisioning her future wedding day. She is imagining all the ruffles on her wedding dress as she spins faster and faster, she is happy in her imaginary world. Suddenly, she trips, lands in a pile of sand. Three angry children start yelling at her. She looks around, putting the pieces of the puzzle together, she realizes she has destroyed their sandcastle. Recoiling, she runs off to be alone.

“You’re such an idiot!” you hear her talking to herself.

She has hidden under the bleachers. “You mess everything up! You’re such a stupid loser!” You hear her continue.

How can you not feel bad for her? She really didn't mean to. She could sure use a hug, someone to tell her that she is none of those things.

“You’re such an ugly klutz! That's why no one likes you!” She punches herself in her stomach, a punishment for being so stupid.

You can’t stand hearing and seeing anymore. Go, comfort her. You find your way under the bleachers. she is sitting in the dirt, hugging her knees, crying into her arms.

“Hey Love," you say as you kneel and touch her arm.

She looks up and into your eyes and you instantly see that she is you.

It's the time!

~You Love You~

I looked up to see the others watching me lovingly. I looked at Erika, asking for answers with my eyes.

“You're ready to embark on a journey that will help you learn and embrace your strengths and talents. It will take as long as you need it to take. It’s never as hard as you think. Before you choose, ask, What would I choose for someone I loved. Then do that for yourself. Might I suggest starting with a spa day? Use the day to meditate on how you are going to love yourself." She winked and kissed my cheek.

I've been learning to love myself ever since. and now it's time to pass on the gift.