Bread Brooklyn Beloved

• Day 1 arrived as predicted by Garmin.

• Day 2 can be icky. But I made it out on a run. First time in five days.

• Day 3 is more like Day 4 than Day 2.

• But day 4 is more like Day 3 than Day 5. So much so that you almost think there's something wrong. But it's just how the plumbing works. Always has.

So I have been at home for, I guess, a cycle and a half. And I have been tracking pretty much everything. Seeing weight changes and symptoms displayed by an app can actually be quite telling.

SATURDAY -- MAY 8, 2020

• 6:07am = Water bill, meditation, interpretation, light, brew, ginger, shroom. It was 36 degrees outside and very windy. No window, nor candle.

• Created some funky animations.

• 30 minutes of swinging around 1 lb hand weights and 6.5 lb sack.

SUNDAY -- MAY 9, 2020

• 6:48am = Water bill, meditation, shroom, hydration, candle lit, window open.

• Today I ran 2.23 miles for Ahmaud Aubrey.

Last Night's Meditation Group

As we (re)introduce ourselves to the group, we have a few moments to share a bit about ourselves, how we're feeling, or how our week went. I had mentioned that my Actor Friend had passed away. And that it was hard to grasp, because he was here, he went away, came back, and now he was gone.

And how I was sitting here sort of dumbfounded.

Because on that very same day I was verbally assaulted by an anti-Semite, who out of nowhere, volunteered to me that this area of Brooklyn we were in was not a Jewish neighborhood.

He appeared to me to be just a lonely, hunched over, old man. I felt sorry for him. I thanked him for his information, and put buds back in my ears, pretending to listen to whatever music popped into my head first. Luckily, and for the billionth time, I ushered Hamilton:

Raise a glass to freedom

Something they can never take away

No matter what they tell you

Raise a glass to the four of us

Tomorrow there'll be more of us

Telling the story of tonight.

My Zoom mediators wished me condolences on my loss, which was touching. A few of them knew who my Actor Friend was, because he lived in Brooklyn, where he owned a small cafe.

We then had a brief discussion about seasonal thematic messages, which are: humility, feeling the full moon, goal setting.

I started thinking about why it took me three years after quitting, and all of this sickness and death, for me to still feel like a member of New York's theater community. I guess that is and has been my choice, acceptance, right? Do we choose the way we feel? I'm not sure, which is why I ask. We can control how we react to how we feel, most times, right?

I sometimes take notes during our discussions, especially when there are things that come up, which I'd like to remember. Last night, my pen didn't stop dancing:

• eternal mercy, perpetual victory, endurance.

• how do we share it?

• How do we decide who gets what from us?

• How are the moon, stars, birds and fish shared with us?

• how are we to spread the light? Hey, it is after all, my family name.

I put my little notebook down. I closed my eyes, as we got to the formal portion of our meditation session. I was instructed to put my hand on my heart, and asked if I could just simply "be."

Before I could ask myself if I could, the lyrics just popped into my head. They were a gift. I sang them over and over again to myself, and rocked back and forth to the music in my own head.

Until the chime. It was total love . . .

There will be an answer

Let it be

Speaking words of wisdom

Let it be

Shine on till tomorrow

Let it be.