Between the Lines

Between the Lines

The steam billowed up in the air as the teapot whistled as to say, I'm ready. The ginger tea's aroma made its way to Grace's nose, bringing back nostalgic memories that put a slight smile on her face.

She found her cherished spot in the garden, where the sun plays peek-a-boo through the tree canopies, and the leaves sway back forth in a playful motion.

The garden was a secret place away from it all. Grace slid her toes through the blades of grass, took a sip of her tea, took a deep breath, and prepared her mind to wonder.

She pulled out her little black book full of lessons, revelations, and endless stories. In the pages of this journal, she was safe. Between these pages is where she could be vulnerable.

Between every line on the page, she could lose herself and find herself all over again. There is no judgment here, and the pages keep her secrets close with every expression she could be authentically herself.

Uninterrupted and unapologetic.

Grace reflected on how something so simple could be so powerful. With just a pen to paper, I recreate my life's narrative until it feels like me again.

I can dissect the past and connect the dots to understand better.

I can dive headfirst into the endless wonderland of my mind and explore the possibilities of my future. Between each of these pages, I'm brought to life again.

Grace started every journal entry the same way.

Dear Love,

Thank you.

I woke up at 3 am again today, such a peaceful and quiet time. It feels as if the whole world is sleeping except for me. Like I was invited to be apart of something exclusive like time granted me favor. When morning and night are one, I realized that even the silence has a sound. I can't describe it, but I hear it loud and clear when I listen close enough.

During this time, my thoughts all line up in a row and allow me to examine them one by one. They're not all racing around for the chance to step into the light.

I can prune away all the perceptions that stunt my growth and leave me with nothing but an array of emotions. Change, I don't use this word lightly. I'm always in awe at the power of words that you can write a story down, and then the next thing you know, it has somehow gone from the paper to reality.

I've been a spectator to my growth over the past few years; some of it was ugly; other times, it was beautiful. The evolution of myself led me to ask some difficult questions, some of which are still left unanswered.

I use to display my heart on my sleeve. I was genuine to a fault, and I didn't know what that meant in a world full of wolves. I was wounded and relentless in my pursuit of Love.

The wounds left cracks in the foundations of my heart. I patched them up with hobbies, work, and other people's validation. But it didn't last long; the cracks bred weeds that were deeply rooted in guilt, shame, and unworthiness. It was as if I was shrinking from the inside out. I started to settle, especially in my relationships, and before I could comprehend, my Love became conditional. Somewhere along the tour of my life, I got stuck amid a daydream and a nightmare.

I existed in places where I should've thrived, on a carousel of high hopes and empty promises. A shell of myself burned out from life's low blows and overwhelmed by humanity's timeless disappointments. I grew tired and numb.

Even the beautiful memories that I collected and stored behind the walls of my heart were becoming tainted.

Then one morning, very similar to this morning, I was in a deep sleep and just popped awake. I was vigilant as if an alarm went off. I stared into the darkness of the room, and suddenly an outflow of tears came over me. After so many nights of crying silent tears, I didn't know I had any tears left. But this was different; this was coming from a deeper place beyond my longing or sadness. It was like my soul was crying. It was one of those uncontrollable ugly cries.

During this 'emotional outbreak,' I reached for my little black book.

One tear after the other imprinting on the pages, the ink, and my tears competed for space. I scribbled down everything I felt in that moment, and by the time I got to the 3rd page, a sense of peace came over me.

I started to see things differently. It was as if the warm tears cleansed my vision and an immense surge of adoration came over me. Then I cried even more, but these were joyful tears. Love found me.

Where have you been hiding? I asked, in a small humble voice and in the depths of the silence Love answered, In You.

I sat there in the stillness, almost paralyzed by the clarity of those words. And just like that, those two words liberated me. I recognized myself for the first time. From that moment on, everything shifted.

Grace did everything she could to cultivate the Love that lived inside her. She stopped trying to control her life's narrative to let Love flow freely. Grace removed her Love's conditions and demolished the wall around her heart. She fully appreciated the power of words, and every time she writes or speaks, it's a language that Love taught her.

She stopped making herself small, so Love had room to grow. She forgave herself and uprooted the weeds of shame and guilt, and Love cemented itself in the cracks of her heart.

Grace found fulfillment in her work and hobbies again. She discovered a newfound adoration for painting. Grace began to share her new passions with the world, and to her surprise, people were captivated by her art. Anytime she would post a new painting, people would respond with such positive feedback. Astonished because she was only doing it for fun, but shortly after, she received a $20,000 check from a supporter that wanted to buy her entire collection.

Grace was saturated with Love in every area of her life. She used the money to open an art studio and decided to make art her new career.

Nevertheless, Grace makes her way back to her secret place in the garden every morning with tea in one hand and her journal in another. She positions herself under the trees' canopy while the sun plays peek-a-boo through the leaves.

Grace writes.

Dear Love,

Thank you.