Being Lonely vs. Being Alone

There is a difference between "being lonely" and "being alone". Did it take me a long time to figure that out, yes, but I learned the difference none the less. And this didn't even stem from having to be 'alone' due to COVID... crazy right? Atleast not consciously. So if because of COVID, I came to this realization, then I can't say I am not grateful in some way for it...

One weekend, a few months back, I had set plans to go to brunch with a group of friends, and I ended up inviting another friend to join. During that brunch another friend texted me to meet up with her and her friends. My friend that I invited to brunch and I wanted to do something different than what the group was doing after so I texted these two boys to meet up with them. While at the boys place for a short time, I texted two other people to see what they were doing that night. They both invited me to go out with them, but my friend and I decided to choose none of those options and just go home to get a drink around where I lived. However, when it was all said and done, we didn't get drinks. My friend went home and I ended up spending the rest of the day/evening alone.

Why? Because during the brunch I was bored. At the boys place, I was annoyed. For whatever reason, I no longer felt like joining the groups that invited me out (though I texted one of them first). And at my place, my friend and I couldn't make a definite decision of what to do, so we did nothing.

What did that say about me? About who I was, or rather, who I wanted to be. Look how many people I could have done something with and I chose not to. People think I am the most social extravert. They say I am popular and I have all of these friends. They all want to hang out with me and I could do something every night of the week with someone if I actually wanted to, but being alone and being looks different in everyone’s eyes.

It became clear, as I repeated weekends like that time after time, and ended up staying in by myself and spending the weekends alone, that I wasn't lonely, but I was choosing to be alone. I realized that my most exciting weekends were the ones when I had no set plans. I learned as my favorite company ended up being myself, that within the season of aloneness, and not loneliness, I was learning how much I actually liked myself. In the midst of being alone, I found love for myself.

I learned that I was pretty cool. I learned that I had a really cute dog when he slept, and that I loved when my apartment was clean and smelled nice. I learned that I was a good cook, and that it was enjoyable to open my patio door and let the cool, fall breeze in. I learned that I was pretty creative and had good ideas when it came to my writing. I learned that I found it soothing to blare music, journal with a lit a candle next to me. I learned that I loved having two big cups of coffee in the morning while I read my bible, and that saying positive affirmations and positive self talk in the mirror brightened my day. I learned that waking up smiling and saying Thank you, God, really put my day on the right track. It was strange how much I realized these things because I chose to be alone and see it. I wasn't so distracted by the best next thing or the FOMO feeling that I recognized these simple, but important things. By choosing to be alone, I realized that the person I liked to hang out with most was me, and that anyone else I hung out with was lucky to hang out with me. Conceded, I think not. I call it confidence, self-respect and self love.

So for those who say they are lonely; that they don’t have friends and have nothing to do, I can tell you this: it is no better than having so many choices of what to do and just not wanting to do any of them. It’s called putting on a face. It’s called being fake. It is called not being happy with yourself because you don't know yourself. It is when you choose to be alone, that you learn who you are. And when you learn who you are, you will learn one of two things: how awesome you already are, or how to love yourself. When you finally choose to be alone, you will have to be in such a good place that socialism doesn’t even appeal to you anymore. And don't we all want to be in a good place? If so, find that good place within yourself first, and then go out in the world and be social. By that point, you won't know what being lonely means anymore. You will just like to be alone every so often (or more often than not) because you love your own company first.