Being a single mom is the hardest, most empowering thing I’ve ever done.

Being a single mom is the hardest, most empowering thing I’ve ever done. Sometimes I feel like a horrible mom. I catch myself picking up my phone a lot. I have to remind myself that the life I created needs all my attention. One thing I really didn’t expect was the intense isolation that comes with being a single mom. When you’re married, you’re often so used to your partner's constant presence that you can crave having the house to yourself, those were the days. Sure, I’d seen my mother do it, but like her, I never envisioned this for myself. Co-parenting seemed to be something I would only read about in the blogs not see in my real life. However this is my life and I wouldn’t change anything about it.

I had my baby in the beginning of the pandemic. It was so hard, I couldn’t trust anyone to come over in fear of the virus. During those months of isolation I’ve developed post-partum. Women of color are at a higher risk of experiencing postpartum depression than white women and less likely to receive the care they need. The black community don’t know postpartum,” There’s this expectation on us as women of color that we have to be superhero strong, that we’re not allowed to be vulnerable.” It’s the worst feeling ever I felt like I was failing as a mom. I felt as though I wasn’t good enough for her. Life was kicking my butt, I refused to lose though. Being a single mom is not easy. Juggling school, work a baby is rough. I think have a baby during a pandemic is 10x’s harder.

What kept me motivated was her. My chunky little side kick, is who keeps me motivated. Her sassy attitude is what I live for. Something so small is so fearless. Since day one she has proved that she is independent. I felt like quitting school a lot. I’ve come so far that I realized I couldn’t do that. This is something I’ve be trying to finish for so long I refuse to quit. This is something I will complete.

I was working a full time job. I went part time because I was afraid to put her in daycare. That was a fail because I couldn’t afford half of my bills. I have accumulated so much debt, I’m trying to find ways to make money. So I had to go back to working full time to try to unbury myself out of debt.

What I find most challenging about being a single mom is not having the help from dad. Yes I have family but it is not their responsibility to step in help me. I know they will if I ask but, they shouldn’t. It is seriously hard to be a single parent. You have to deal with all of the parental duties while juggling work, cleaning the house, cooking dinner, having relationships with others, and what happens if you get sick? You certainly cannot call in and take the day off from being a parent!

I went into single motherhood with a goal and expectation of raising adjusted and thriving children. Expectations come from me, but they also come from my family and friends. None of us want to see me fail, and we won’t allow that to happen. I refuse to fail, failure is not an Option. So everyday I get up and do whatever it takes to make sure my baby is going to be ok.

What is rewarding about being a single mom is I realized that I will never be alone. Life showed me I needed her to complete what was missing. She was the missing puzzle piece. She is why I am determined to complete all my goals. Everything I do is for her.

My favorite moments with her is all. Everyday is something different, not one day is ever the same. She is learning more each day so, each say she is a different character and I love every Moment of it.