Before You Say Goodbye

I'm tired of 2020. I'm tired of Covid, and social injustice, and severe political division, and I'm sure I'm not alone. We all know that 2020 brought on unimaginable circumstances that robbed us of an entire year of comfort and joy by stripping away what we considered to be a normal life. However, I fear the losses we suffered are even greater than we realize. I fear we lost a year of valuable moments in our lives because we were too focused on the chaos and suffering that surrounded us.

It is not unusual for humans to take for granted the present moment because they are clinging to an idea from the past of what should be instead of focusing on what is. This can lead to more suffering where there could have been happiness instead.

I once knew a man who traveled with tragic grief. He clung to the vision of the family life he dreamed of since he was young, but everything he had wanted to attain was stolen by an illness that eventually robbed him of his wife and with her the hopes and dreams he had for the future. For years after her death he waded through the pain and anguish trying to find the strength to start living again.

Eventually, he met a beautiful woman who was adventurous, kind, and compassionate. She held a safe space for his pain and suffering and helped him tell the stories of his loss in hopes that healing would follow. Yet, the woman always felt like she was living in the shadow of something greater - his past. She loved him with all her heart and soul and he loved her the best he could, but he could never shed his past and live fully in the present with her. The sorrow from the past would always creep in and the vision of who he thought he would be did not match who he had become. Every time he took a step forward, he would find an excuse as to why he had to hold on to a vision that could no longer be a reality. In the end, his determination to live in the past and cling to an identity that was no longer sustainable won. He lost a new love and a new opportunity for happiness.

His next journey would take him to a place where he would come face to face with his grief and loss. It wasn't until then that realized that he had just lost the opportunity for a life and love he couldn't envision because of the fierce grip he had on an old idea of what should be. He lost the happiness that can be found in the present by holding on to the past.

We are all guilty of this. Our egos have created an identity for ourselves and when that identity is threatened, we tend to retreat. 2020 deprived many of us of the life we thought we were supposed to lead, yet we were still living. Lingering in the shadows of the past year are treasured memories worth collecting and taking with us as we move forward into whatever the next year might bring.

My questions for you are...

What are you missing out on because you are holding on to a vision of what your life should be instead of what it is? What memories from 2020 are you sacrificing because they are clouded by anxiety or disappointment from a year that tested us all?

My challenge to you is to find those moments of happiness that are hidden somewhere in the months of a tragic year and carry them forward with you as you gently move into 2021.

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