All Canned Food but No Can Opener

*Looks in fridge* (Empty) *Sigh*

" I'm starving! "🗯 *Opens cabinet door* (Canned Goods) *Groans*

" If only I had a can opener. " 💭 *Closes cabinet door in disheartenment* " Of all the things to buy and I never thought of getting a can opener...but then again I didn't think I'd need one " 💭

*Stomach growls angrily* " I know tummy but what do you want me to do...there's some food left but I can't get to it " 💬

(Takes a moment of deep thought) 👁‍🗨" This is now my life, that's the perfect definition of my life right now, that's exactly how things are going, that's exactly how it's been...so close yet so far, I could have x,y,z if only I had a,b,c "

*Inhale* * Exhale*💨 As much as I want this to be a fictional story, it's not. In fact it's my story...my current story. If we were to meet someplace and you asked me "hey, how's it going", my direct response would be, "I have nothing but canned food and no can opener". I know that sounds a bit out of bounds but nonetheless it's very much true. You see, I've been going around in circles trying to figure my life out and once I get one step closer or I think things are finally on track - !PSYCHE! - nuthin' but a gold painted stone, I believe they call it Fool's Gold. And that's how it's been. I'm not even sure if saying as of lately is correct either, that's the way this life thing has been goin' for some time now. I gotta be honest with ya', I ain't here for it! Where the hell is the 'good part' of life everyone keeps talking about. When am I gonna get off this merry go'round of up's & down's so I can finally do that thing they advertise on T.V. now, I believe they call it BREATHING. When is it my turn to breathe. Don't know if you ever seen the star-studded romance/drama Waiting To Exhale but that title alone is beyond accurate. And when I first saw that movie (I was pretty young so, Sssshhhh🤫) I didn't really 'get it'. It was indeed a phenomenal movie and forever will be, but it wasn't until I started practicing being more in the present moment and meditating that I realized I have no idea on how to chill or how to really be patient - even though I also put 'patient' on my resume (also, Sssshhhh 🤫) I really have no idea on how to be patient within my own life. I'm the quick, heavy-hitter, on the move, gotta go, what's the next thing, type. I DO NOT like sitting on my hands, twiddling on my thumbs and just waiting. I GOTTA GO! LETS' MAKE A MOVE! Although that may make me seem arrogant or even condescending, I'm actually the opposite. I'm much more understanding and patient with other people than I am with myself. I take pride in myself for being a team player, but yet I neglect to be on my own side and rather play defense for someone one else and just take the L for foul play on my own turf <- {did that make sense ; because I also don't do sports, so I took a shot with that metaphor 😅}

That's how I used to be. As of today I play by own rules and do more of my own thing. Now you're probably lost a bit and wondering how does this all relate to how I'm currently doing. Well that monologue was the backdrop...and now here's the setup. I received a lot of canned goods from the cupboard down the street from me. I had/have zero income coming in so that means no money to get or do anything. At first I was reluctant to ask for help or even reach out to them because I was nervous about how I would get perceived... would they even help me at all or if I was even worth being helped because isn't there other people in worst situations than me right now. But as I kept looking in my fridge (she was EMPTY!) I said okay *Gulp* here goes nothing. Growing up I also didn't have a voice in anything and my needs were never met, I also grew up on DSS/Welfare so to even have to ask for help put me in this odd paradigm. I knew I needed help, but I also worked my @$$ off to get to where I am and now that I'm struggling I'm worried I'll be looked at as a failure. I felt a lot of anxiety and guilt for even feeling such a way. But I did it, I reached out and asked for help. And to my beautiful surprise they were really nice to me. I wasn't treated badly or judged or ridiculed, it was just like hey you need help, we got you. I'm still not use to that kind of thing - genuine help & care - but I'm working on it. I repeated to myself "I am Open & Ready to receive Love and Kindness in all forms" as a way to manifest some kindheartedness, and it worked. Not saying that the affirmation is like a magic hex or something, but by simply changing the course of my thoughts to manifest a beautiful blessing in my life such as kindness, it simply redirected my energy to just focus and attract exactly that. I'm really glad I did reach out because I finally got some FOOOODDDD!!!!! And I'm proud of myself for doing so. I've known that I've come a long way and grown a lot, simply in this last summer alone but it wasn't until I asked for help and was in the place to receive it graciously was when it came full circle for me.

🍿🍿🍿 Now let's drop back in on the scene. 🍟🍟🍟

" You know what, SCREW IT! ; I'm gonna eat damn it! "🗯 *Searches on Google for 'how to open a can without a can opener'* (Sigh) *Vision becomes blurred with overwhelm* (Finds something) 🗨 " Sooooo like, how the hell am I gonna open a can with a SpOoN?!?!? " *Grabs spoon and recites the instructions from the article* " This is some Grade A Bull$h!t " 🗯 (Screams in frustration) *Gives up and walks away* (On the verge of crying...again) 🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍 [a few days later] ‹-{yeah a few, I ate robust pancake syrup with sea salt during those few days, surprisingly not a bad combo though🤔} *Eats lite pancake syrup and nearly spits it back up* ‹-{now THAT was nasty!🤢} 💡💡💡 (Downloads a thought, reconnects past knowledge with newfound trick and adds common sense) *Grabs toolkit from storage closet* " OH, I'm definitely gonna have a meal tonight! "🗯

I used the back of a hammer, a pair of pliers and whatever you call that other screw thingy that's not a Phillips Head. I grabbed a delightful can of some golden peaches ‹-{YUM!😋} got a steady tight grip then took the back of the hammer and tapped on the can until it punctured a hole, I continued to do so until the hole was big enough to tear through. I took the screw thingy and wedged it inside of the can to lift up the lid until it popped up. Then I grabbed the pliers and got to work. I used the pliers to peel back the lid, bit by bit. As long as I kept a grip and a steady hand it was fool proof. Then I finally got the lid off. It wasn't a perfect offing but it was glorious. And it was open all the way through so I can pour out the peaches. I poured the peaches into a strainer, rinsed them in cold water ‹-{1. they were covered in syrup so I wanted that off & 2. I like cold fruit😋} placed them in a bowl in the fridge then got to work on a can of yumdeliyumcious baked beans ‹-{my fav!😋}. I had baked beans for dinner and then a bowl of cold peaches for dessert and freshly 'SiNkEd' tap water. It was heavenly! What a way to care for myself after feeling like trash, starving and eating syrup. I felt accomplished. I was relived because now I can eat again!

So I'm writing this story to simply say that even though I'm a current passenger on the struggle bus at the moment there are some beautiful highlights here. For instance, me manifesting kindness and being in the moment of gratitude for when it happened. And I figured out a much more logical way to open a can than using a damn spoon. ‹-{I mean like honestly... WTF!?!😒🤣} I will always complain, feel frustrated, curse to the heavens, feel afraid, battle with anxiety and ruminating thoughts when I'm overwhelmed with a challenge, and that's totally O K A A Y Y Y. So things aren't together at the moment and so naturally I'm freaking out about it but the bottom line is to keep movin' and groovin'. 💖💃🏽💖💃🏽 Because perhaps tomorrow will be a better day and if not, I'll be damned if I don't at least try (maybe take a moment to cry first) and make it better. I have zero answers on how to conquer life. I have zero tips on how to make it better but I do got moxie and a lot of embarrassing stories to tell that I hope makes you feel better on your journey as well. I don't know where you are reading this right now but I want to know that it's okay if everything falls apart or isn't perfect because within moments like these is when everything starts to come together. Perfection is boring anyway, make every mistake in the book (then burn the book) and just grow as you go.

Thanks a million for reading!🤓💐🥰💗🍿💖💃🏽