A Word About Our "Thirties."

Autumn winds have started to rattle loose from the already dead and fading leaves of the high maple trees. The pathways of hiking trails and sidewalks are littered with the golden brown glow of the fallen pine needles that outnumber the cars in the state. New England air is a strange thing for people outside of the region. In the early morning it's stiff and brittle and just cool enough to wake you up without having had any coffee. By mid-day the return of a familiar and comfortable summer heat has spread and people around you are taking off their sweaters and thin jackets as they embrace the stark contrast in weather. Then evening falls at earlier and earlier hours as the days pass. Walking in the moonlight, you can see the wet patches of remaining dew from the morning that didn't evaporate start to harden and grow. Among all of these things, you realize another summer has gone by which means soon, another year will pass.

Day after day I repeat the same actions. Wake-up, go to work, and come home. Rinse and repeat. It's only been recently that I realized what I had wanted to do with my life. I've always been chasing the desire to improve life. Not just mine but everyone's and this past year has been stronger than before. Perhaps the Covid forced isolation finally helped to pour the last drop of reality into my bucket?

I spent the years of my youth care-free, guideless, and un-engaged while those around me throttled themselves directly out of high school and into college. I watched my classmates over the years study, grind, and succeed at their ambitions and step into the working class world. On the outside you can see these people grow and blossom into success stories and happy role models for those around them.

Years later I still happen upon a few of them though social media and in passing though we are no longer truly "in contact' with one another. With families sprouted and growing it would appear as though their dedication has paid off to them but that's the trick of it. "Appearances are deceptive" is a truly ringing quote in the world we live in. Peel away the layers of their illusions and you see the honest images that we all try to hide so desperately.

• Broken and divorced families with more kids than one can handle.

• A college degree that's unused and instead the owner of said degree is working for minimum wage at a gas station because the industry it specialized in tanked.

• Health issues that are now wearing on the body physically, emotionally, and mentally.

• Heavy debt laden individuals that are forced to live with their parents still because banks and renters see them as a "liability."

So what's the point here?

The point is about the journey.

As kids, we were told and taught that we "could be anything we wanted." I think that's the problem though, we thought we WOULD be anything we wanted; regardless of our circumstances and choices. Like the phrase that was being said to us was a promise rather than an offer and as such we missed the point, the most important part of that entire phrase. The key word in this is "could."

The word itself literally alludes to the necessity of hard-work and dedication so that in the end you MIGHT be lucky enough to get where you want to be perfectly. The big house, fancy car, and perfect job all mark the culmination of a life given to career. A large family, multiple jobs, and sweating through sickness tend to be the hallmarks of a life given to family. There are few that can locate the central balance between these two points. I am no exception to this by any means but I am starting to learn.

So for those about to step into their thirties or for those in the middle that are finding they are filled with anger and resentment, I offer what little I can:

Seek the alternative in life. Just because you focused on one aspect of something does not mean you are limited to that. Discover your talents and release them on the world to see what comes back. Nurture the love and relationships you have now because they are the ones that lasted this long! Those are the ones that are important. The value of loyalty and determination is lost on the ambitions of greed and envy and we need to learn that not every one of us is destined for a great path but each of us has the potential to make it a great life!

Now stay with me for just a moment longer here. I know that last bit sounds a tad “preachy” but that is the intent. Our ancestors fought for survival among wild and savage lands, our forefathers bled and defended for our freedom, and we are gifted the end result of the literal centuries of evolution and survival to get to this point; So at this point in time we are now free to pursue the happiness we want in life.

So why aren’t we doing it?

This is because after a certain point in our lives we start to cradle the familiar and comforting in favor of stability and certainty but neither of those concepts truly applies today. The hard working, weeks away from retirement employee is now just as likely to find themselves without a job as we in the younger generations are. There is no “stability” anymore, no comfort that lasts and we need to accept these truths in order to really be happy in our lives and continue moving forward. Success should be measured by your own importance and not by the standards of those around you.

Did you finish that long work project that your boss has been hounding you on? Have you managed to get that weight goal finally? Did you just meet the partner of your dreams? Did you simply go for a walk in the park instead of staying inside? It’s all a success! It’s just the perception of success that needs to be adjusted. Remember that in the end of life we can’t do anything but accept what has been done. Just make sure that you’ll be proud of those accomplishments when it’s time to face that moment.