20 something

The word "Anomaly" has been hovering over me like a dark cloud. It means different; out of the ordinary; deviates from what is expected. I am a person who always strives to do the right thing. Be the good girl. Don't speak out of turn. Don't be a burden. Make everyone happy...

I tried to do what was expected. Go to college, find your passion make everyone proud and get that piece of paper that defines what you can do with the rest of your life.

Turns out, it's not for everyone. Especially those who spent their most precious pre-college years feeling like no matter which way I ran, the world was crumbling beneath my feet. But I already had that story written inside of me. I was an anomaly who wouldn't get into college or amount to anything without it. That's what I was told at school anyway. So after the second time I dropped out, it wasn't much to my surprise.

"It's okay to take a break, but make sure you go back"

"You could always have this small job here, and that small job there, but when it comes down to it there's no future"

These are things people said to me. Things that stick like glue. People who are not of importance in my life, just people I know in passing that for some reason think that's acceptible small talk.

There are things that people comment on that are nice and uplifting and almost encouraging too. But why is it that those don't stick?

The truth is, other people's opinions don't matter. It's not even our business what other people think of us. It's supposed to only matter what we think and not give so much weight to the opinions of the people around us. At the end of the day even if you're surrounded by loved ones, it still just comes down to you and your own thoughts so why don't we spend more time being kind to ourselves? Be gentle when talking to yourself because you have no choice but to listen.

I've chosen to flip the negative definition of "anomaly" into a positive one. I am different than what society expects of everyone and I've gotten to be proud of that. I am happy where I am. There is always room for improvement, we all have a lot of life to live but I am going to do that on my terms only, and you should too.

Once I figured out how to release the opinions of everyone else is when the discovery of who I want to be really began. I'm still figuring that out but I am ready for the journey. I am learning to slow down and take everything in. I am in the middle of a life that a past version of me could only try to imagine and I don't want to miss it.

I don’t think the goal is to be balanced, I think it is to be centered, and at peace with yourself.

What makes you happy is personal to everyone but it is extremely important to make your life and how you think of yourself the top of your priority.

There's no guidebook. No timeline. The perfect lives you see on social media are not perfect. Everyone everywhere has dark clouds they are trying to work through and it's most likely more than one. It doesn't mean you should think less of anyone but maybe with that in mind, you won't feel so alone or obligated to make your life look a certain way.

Just be you.