2 Simple Ways to Stop Overcomplicating Life

Confucius once said:

"Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated."

I think he was correct because I have seen four types of people in this world.

1. The one who is optimistic that the glass is half-filled with water.
2. The one who is pessimistic that the glass is half empty.
3. The one who questions the existence of air, water, and glass.
4. The one who accepts that the glass contains half water and half air.

So, we all have different approaches to living our lives, and that defines us. If we try to see things in their clear view, as the fourth category of people, life becomes simpler; otherwise complicated.

However, there's nothing wrong with the first three types, but sometimes our approaches to life's problems are defined by wrong belief systems, past bitter experiences, or external influences. (Fear of missing out, what others might think, self-doubts, etc.) As a result, we tend to overcomplicate things.

So, our choices play a vital role in deciding the quality of our life. Besides, with a plethora of options to choose from, we're in a mess. We have got a lot to process now than ever before. So, we have many unsolved problems in all aspects of life - personal, professional, physical, psychological, and emotional. But this is what we all signed for. This is the life that we all craved sometime in the past. We wanted everything. Fast.

In this quest, we forgot one golden rule - nature's "law of equilibrium."

Life is simple when it's balanced. But accumulating too much on our plate than our ability to handle overcomplicated things. That's why we all use the same terminology to describe life - "complicated."

When I was failing terribly in life with my relationship and career, my father called me up and said, "Hey, do you want to talk about your problems?" I immediately responded, "I can't. My life is too complicated to explain."

It all started with this conversation.

My father sat me down to straighten the wrinkles of my life. He made me realize that life is simple. It gives us problems; we respond to them with solutions. It's as straight as it can be. But some of our manipulative responses to life's questions and some of our weak attitudes/mindsets/habits invites complexity.

"The most complicated skill is to be simple." ―Dejan Stojanovic

When I tried to detangle my life, I realized that simplicity wasn't effortless. I was so habituated to complicating things in life that simple ways seemed unnatural.

But with regular practice, I was able to open the most stubborn knots of my life using two straightforward approaches. I am sure that this will help you too in solving your puzzling life.

Commit Less, Deliver More

The author Ernest Agyemang Yeboah writes:

"Until you learn how to say NO to so many things confidently, you will always say YES to so many things. The real summary of a regretful life is a life that failed to balance YES and NO. Yes! A life that failed to recognize when to say NO courageously and when to say YES confidently!"

I always believed that saying "yes" was a win-win situation until I began to lose many precious things in my life. I suffered mentally, emotionally, physically, and psychologically.

Once, my friend Sid had a connecting flight at Calgary. When he proposed to meet due to a 12-hour layover, I agreed without checking my schedule.

I thought I would be able to manage it. But I ran late due to work commitments and kept Sid waiting for four hours. He checked out of the airport for me, and I could not value his time.

My irresponsible behavior did not go well with him. Our relationship suffered. He started avoiding me after that incident. Besides, my work was also compromised, and I had many complaints at the office.

From my experiences, I have realized that we say "yes" instead of "no" because:

• We fear losing people.
• We want to please others.
• We think, "we are obliged to help others, no matter what."
• We fear rejections from people and relationships.
• We are scared to face the consequences of saying "no."
• We don't want to hurt others.

As a result of our wrong choice of responding to everything with a "yes," we suffer from:

• Mental anxiety.
• Compromised Tasks.
• Performance Issues.
• Unnecessary Troubles.
• Emotional Drainage due to regrets.

We complicate our lives unnecessarily by saying "yes" to too many things without thinking.

But saying "no" always helps.

It's isn't being selfish. Saying no is a self-loving tool that allows us to focus on essential things. It also sends a strong, subtle message that we are taking a stand for ourselves, fetching us more respect. It also forms an image of self-reliance when we refuse to take too much on our plate.

From that airport incident, I always responded to requests with, "Can I please get back to you within a day or two by checking my schedule." If I don't feel like going to a movie, I evade the request by saying, "I would have loved to, but I have some guests coming over."

This behavior had made me look more confident and in control of the situation.

I have learned to say "no" subtly following Dr. Tina Payne Bryson and Dr. Daniel Siegel's advice from their book "No-Drama Discipline.":

"Engage, don't enrage."

Just because someone approaches me at the wrong time does not give me the liberty rude or acknowledge their request either.

Control Only the Controllable

If we look back at our mental ease, we'll realize that the most exhausting task is trying to control others. It gives us mental satisfaction about managing others' behavior, but does it work?

Perhaps, no.

Most of the time, we experience that people won't listen. They won't give a damn to what we want.

On the contrary, if they obey us, they'll do it out of compulsion. Either we are elder or because of hierarchy issues. Once that condition isn't satisfied, no one will work according to our wish.

I have been "bossy" throughout my life. It was my personality before. Whether it was relationships or work, I always tried to control others. As a result, there was a lot of friction in my life. I would think about others' weaknesses and pressure points to get things done. It took a toll on my mental health.

"As a player, you just want to focus on controlling the controllable." ~ Carli Lloyd

I realized that I was wasting my energy and time on impossible things. I realized that trying to control others was the worst way to complicate life. People would hate me. They would bitch about me in the office. In a nutshell, I became a villain of everyone's life.

When I ceased controlling the impossible(managing others), my life became easy. I made a pact with myself, "If I have to work with others peacefully, I have to adjust myself accordingly."

I began to control myself. However, I did not suppress my emotions or feelings. If I were angry at someone, I would excuse myself. I would go to the bathroom and talk to myself, "It's okay to be angry. What the other person did or said is just his/her perspective. Nothing to do with me." My stress bubble would then burst, and I would restore my peace.

This mindful technique helped me a lot in gaining control over my mind. By concentrating my energy on something achievable, my life became simpler. I started breathing life.

Now, my happiness and peace were not dependent upon people behaving according to my wish. I made myself strong enough mentally that no one could disturb me by going against my desire.

However, this won't come easy. Sometimes, you'll feel that you're living an unnatural life. You might feel a bit awkward or forced, but that's okay. You're changing your habits, and change is always painful.

When you start exercising after a long time, won't your body hurt for a few days?

So, give yourself some time to transition from controlling others to controlling yourself.

Parting Thoughts

Everyone works hard to make their lives simpler. But sometimes, our methods are too complex that magnify the problem instead of solving them.

Life isn't complicated; we are.

If we adopt some simple approaches and mindsets like those mentioned above, we can make our lives easier to live and enjoy. After all, life is not a puzzle to be solved every day; it's a journey to enjoy.