13 Signs Someone Is Secretly Insecure

13 Signs Someone Is Secretly Insecure

Insecurity is described as “a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving oneself to be vulnerable or inferior in some way." While there are some obvious signs of being insecure - poor social skills and a general anxiety about being around other people, to name a couple - there are some signs that wouldn't indicate being insecure at all. Some behaviors that can be seen as confidence are actually signs of insecurity! Often, people who can't stop boasting about how great their lives are, may act like they have it all figured out, when in reality, they might be really insecure. It could be someone you know, or maybe it's you. One person might not show their insecurity the same way as another, but if you notice that they display a number of the following signs, chances are, they're secretly insecure.

Number 1 - Constant Bragging Insecurity presents itself in a variety of ways, depending on the cause and the person's personality. For instance, people who have narcissistic personality disorder tend to be deeply insecure. They project a false image of themselves to others and are hypersensitive to any criticism, no matter how small. Now, bragging doesn't automatically equal narcissism, but the need ‘to show off' does indicate insecurity.

Number 2 - Need To Be Right Insecurity can also present itself as a 'need to be right' - like, all the time. An insecure person will constantly challenge your opinions, and even try to gather data to prove that they're RIGHT and you're WRONG. Their inability to accept someone else's point of view, and their need to be right, often makes those around them feel insignificant or inferior. They can only feel good about themselves by putting others down.

Number 3 - People Pleaser Those with anxiety or a history of psychological trauma can exhibit their insecurities by being people-pleasers. These individuals don't know how to stand up for themselves and make bad decisions trying to please everyone. To avoid conflict, they just go along with others - instead of making their own decisions.

Number 4 - Arrogance Some insecure people try to overcompensate and act as if they're superior to everyone else. But deep down, they're terribly afraid that someone will discover their true self and expose them. All that arrogance is just a cover to protect their ego and self-worth - they do everything they can to hide their insecurity from others.

Number 5 - Inability To Maintain Eye Contact Eye contact is one of the most prominent forms of nonverbal communication. You can find out a lot about someone by looking them in the eye - since it enables you to connect on a deeper level. In fact, research suggests that you can read basic emotions in someone’s eyes - such as happiness or sadness; and even different mental states - like excitement or boredom. Insecure people often have trouble with eye contact because of the transparency it comes with. They will try to avoid it, since hiding their insecurity is their lifeline.

Number 6 - Using Everyday Objects As Armor People who lack confidence, often feel safer if they hide their 'body windows.' These 'windows' are considered to be our vulnerable parts - such as the eyes, mouth, chest, and the palms. Something as simple as zipping up a jacket, holding a bag or a beverage can make insecure people feel more comfortable - as these everyday objects protect them by acting as a sort of armor.

Number 7 - Avoiding Contact Insecurity can often be traced back to childhood and the relationships with distant parents - something that's known as ‘insecure-avoidant attachment.’ People with avoidant insecure traits are always trying to be self-reliant and they spend most of their time alone - living alone, eating alone - and they hesitate to go out. They may also spend a lot of time on the Internet or watching TV. These individuals usually prefer seclusion - they will even avoid making contact when they see someone they know.

Number 8 - Frequent Nodding Insecure people have a tendency to nod and agree - even when they disagree. They would rather not draw attention to themselves by offering a differing opinion. This complacency is usually based on a person's deep-seated desire to be liked - at any cost. They have trouble saying NO and tend to say YES, often - because they believe it'll make others like them more. These people may even take on more than they can handle, just to earn someone's approval. This makes them feel more secure, as it allows them to influence how others see them. Being liked is more important to them than being their genuine self.

Number 9 - Defensiveness People with insecurities can't stand losing an argument - especially about something important to them. They get unnecessarily defensive when their beliefs are challenged. Emotionally-defensive behaviors are meant to avoid feelings of failure or inferiority - something insecure people can't risk in front of others.

Number 10 - Clinginess Clinginess is another trait of insecurity - seeking constant reassurance and approval in any kind of relationship. Clingy people are usually jealous of any other positive connections their friend or partner might have, and view those connections as a threat to their relationship. Seeing genuine affection being exchanged, makes them feel diminished - even if it has nothing to with them. Security and control are what they crave most, and this new variable - they don't have control over, makes them tighten the leash they have on their friend or partner - and try to control them instead.

Number 11 - Talking Too Much, Or Too Little Enjoying long silences during conversations or being unable to handle them, is another trait insecure people display - chattering on and on about themselves or clamming up completely. Insecure people are so focused on maintaining their image that they don't pick up on conversational cues. They don’t really recognize when it's time for them to talk or listen.

Number 12 - Revealing Comfort Cues Everyone has a nervous tic, but insecure people have quite a few - and one of them is guarding their mouths. The mouth is the 'window' to the truth - and covering it is symbolic of hiding the truth. People tend to cover their mouths to hide when they're upset, lying, or suppressing a negative thought. Insecure people also tend to make 'rubbing' motions or 'body-hugging' motions to give themselves some self-assurance and comfort. This goes back to childhood. When we were little and felt anxious or scared, our parents would hold us to make us feel better - and this motion is still associated with comfort, even as adults, to assure that everything will be alright.

Number 13 - Always First To Hang Up Any interactions can make insecure people feel anxious, so they avoid conversations or try to terminate them as quickly as possible. To get away, they'll look for any excuse to end the interaction - so they can get back to their safe space. Generally, insecure people don't hold much interest in others. They monopolize the conversation and when it turns to a topic they don't enjoy, or one that is not about them, they end it.

Low self-esteem is a common cause of insecurity and can be extremely destructive when it's not understood. While some people are aware of their insecurities and work to better themselves, others try to escape the problem by blaming it on other people. Insecurity is neither an easy thing to live with nor to overcome - and it can’t be cured overnight or forced away. One must decide if and when they're ready to make a change for the better.

And if you happen to identify with some of these signs of insecurity, try to see the positive traits you possess as well. Being self-aware about both 'the good' and 'the bad' will allow you to find the security you crave and stop these negative, self-destructive behaviors once and for all. What do you think? Did any of these signs of insecurity surprise you? Share your thoughts and comments below!