The Taming of the Man

Ah, wedlock. That enchanted establishment that transforms tough independent thinkers into proficient laundry folders and placement specialists for ornamental towels. I'd like to warn single guys reading this—or make you laugh, depending on your point of view—but get ready to get domesticated!

I was a gloriously chaotic creature before I got married. There was one grand mound of clean clothing that we all used to call "The Laundry Vortex." Doing some ironing? More like to a legendary being murmuring in low voices. However, when love arrived, a whole new set of household expectations were brought about, making any dignified caveman feel, well, wimpy.

Hangers: The Multipurpose Myth

Gone were the days of using a hanger as a universal tool. Apparently, they weren't invented for propping open car doors or holding up mufflers with duct tape (although, let's be honest, that's a pretty ingenious life hack). Now, these previously versatile contraptions had a singular purpose: holding clothes in a specific, right-side-out configuration. Shirts with shirts, pants with pants? Who knew such sartorial segregation existed? Apparently, this bachelor did not.

The Two-Sided Towel

The two-towel system was then made public. There was one variety that was just used for appearances and aesthetics—the kind that hung so beautifully on the rack. These immaculate rectangles served as a testament to marital etiquette and were not to be marred by the grimy fingerprints of daily life. But my single-guy towel lived a lifetime and eventually retired to an honorable life as a cutting board. Looks like worn-out, mismatched towels don't go well with a well-planned "look." Who knew my bachelor pad was missing something so important?

The Doomsday Pillow Fort

Not to be overlooked is the ever-growing pillow fort. There appeared to be a new addition to this cozy mountain range every holiday. Dozing off? With a beautiful wall of throw cushions to scale every evening, who needs it? It became a nightly ritual to move these fluffy sentinels, a never-ending struggle for bed space. Is there a support group for men who feel stifled by pillows for decoration? I'm requesting a pal, who is most definitely not me.

The Passenger Wakes Up

Driving became a minefield of marital criticisms after it was once a joyful single adventure. I started taking the occasional dubious route, speeding, and tailgating out of my inherent excitement, which made for frequent backseat driving. "Why don't you just ask for directions?" The ultimate marital weapon, that dreadful question might silence even the most assured navigator (who might or might not be terribly lost).

The Last Giving Up

In actuality, the "bad habits" that once endeared her have gradually transformed into "fixer-upper" endeavors. It appears that marriage is a massive experiment in domestication, a gradual transition from a wild bachelor to a man who understands the subtleties of properly folded laundry and positioned throw cushions.

Do I Miss Being a Single Guy?

Perhaps a little. But then I recall the blissful ignorance of decorative pillows, the delight of a nicely hung shirt, and the gratification of a towel that coordinates with the bathroom's décor. Have I given up now? Indeed. The fight is ended, and the winner is my wife—the undeniable queen of happy homes. aside from requesting guidance. I'll take a beehive over backseat advice any day on that one.

Guys who are single, take this as a fair warning. Marriage may soften you, but it also brings a lot of love, laughter, and immaculately folded towels. Friends, make sensible decisions!

Over a ten-year period, society conventions and expectations can change, but the essence of marital bliss never changes. This post, which first appeared on HubPages in 2010, takes a lighthearted look at the "taming" of a husband by examining ornamental towels and laundry folding. Consider it a snapshot in time of domesticity, serving as a reminder that while certain marital conflicts have been (largely) resolved, others—such as the backseat driver wars—remain unsolved.

Although the vocabulary and allusions have been updated for a 2024 audience, the underlying humor of acclimating to married life is still very relevant. As we explore the amusing (and occasionally stressful) world of married happiness, take a symbolic glass of wine, settle in, and enjoy a lighthearted walk down memory lane (or, if you're fresh to the game, a peek into what might await you).