HOW DO YOU ENSURE YOUR SPOUSE FEELS HEARD AND UNDERSTOOD?

Ensuring that your spouse feels heard and understood is crucial for maintaining a strong and healthy relationship. When partners feel truly listened to, it fosters trust, intimacy, and a sense of security. To effectively achieve this, active listening, empathy, validation, and clear communication are essential practices. Here are some ways you can ensure your spouse feels heard and understood:

(I)Practice Active Listening

Active listening involves fully focusing on your spouse when they are speaking, without distractions. This means putting away phones, turning off the TV, and giving them your undivided attention. It’s more than just hearing the words—they need to know that you are emotionally engaged in the conversation. As they speak, maintain eye contact, nod, and show through your body language that you are paying attention.

Active listening also means refraining from interrupting or formulating your response while your spouse is speaking. Often, people are more focused on their own thoughts and responses than on the person they’re talking to. Resist the urge to jump in with advice or solutions, unless asked. This validates your spouse’s feelings and ensures they feel understood.

(II)Show Empathy

Empathy is the ability to put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and understand their emotions and experiences. It involves recognizing their feelings and responding with compassion. When your spouse shares something with you, whether it’s a concern, frustration, or joy, try to understand it from their perspective.

Empathy can be expressed through simple phrases like, "I can understand why you’d feel that way," or "That sounds really tough, I’m so sorry you’re going through that." By acknowledging their emotions, you validate their experience and help them feel heard.

(III)Avoid Judgment and Criticism

When your spouse is speaking, it’s important to approach the conversation with an open mind. Avoid jumping to conclusions, being critical, or making assumptions about their feelings. If your spouse shares something that makes you uncomfortable or challenges your perspective, resist the urge to criticize or dismiss their Viewpoint.

Instead, try to listen with curiosity. Ask questions to better understand where they’re coming from. Phrases like, "Can you tell me more about how that made you feel?" or "What can I do to support you?" encourage further dialogue and allow your spouse to feel safe expressing themselves.

(IV)Practice Validation

Validation is an important part of communication in any relationship. It means acknowledging that your spouse’s feelings are legitimate, even if you don’t fully understand or agree with them. Validation doesn't require you to agree with their perspective, but it does require you to respect their emotions and Viewpoint.

For instance, if your spouse is upset about a situation, you can validate their emotions by saying, "I can see why you’d feel frustrated about that. It must be really hard." Validation helps your spouse feel supported and strengthens emotional intimacy. It also ensures that they don’t feel dismissed or invalidated.

(V)Ask Open-Ended Questions

To encourage deeper conversations, ask open-ended questions that invite your spouse to share more about their thoughts and feelings. These types of questions can help you better understand their perspective and show them that you are Genuinely interested in what they have to say.

For example, instead of asking, "Did you have a good day?" you might ask, "What was the best part of your day?" or "How did that meeting go?" Open-ended questions help create space for your spouse to elaborate, and they signal that you care about their experiences.

(VI)Use "I" Statements

When expressing your thoughts or feelings, try to use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. "I" statements focus on your own experience and emotions rather than placing blame or making your spouse feel defensive. For example, instead of saying, "You never listen to me," you could say, "I feel unheard when we don’t have time to talk."

This approach reduces the likelihood of your spouse feeling attacked, which can lead to defensiveness, and opens the door for a more productive and compassionate conversation.

(VII)Be Patient and Give Space

Sometimes, your spouse may need time to process their emotions or thoughts before they are ready to talk. Be patient and give them the space they need. Pressuring them to speak when they’re not ready can lead to frustration and missed opportunities for connection.

Let them know you’re there for them when they’re ready to share. You might say, "I’m here when you’re ready to talk" or "Take your time, I’m happy to listen whenever you feel like it."

(VIII)Follow Up and Check In

A critical part of making your spouse feel heard is following up after important conversations. If your spouse shares something significant, revisit the discussion later to show that you’re still thinking about it and Genuinely care.

Checking in regularly about how they’re feeling or if they need any additional support shows that your interest in their well-being goes beyond just one conversation. For example, after a difficult discussion, you might say, "I’ve been thinking about what you said earlier. How are you feeling about it now?"

(IX)Be Present

It’s easy to listen attentively when things are going well, but being present and actively listening during difficult moments is just as important, if not more. Whether your spouse is sharing something exciting or expressing frustration, it’s crucial to remain supportive and engaged, offering them the same level of attention and understanding.

When both partners feel heard and understood during challenging times, it strengthens their bond and builds resilience in the relationship.

In The End

Listening is an active, intentional act that requires effort, presence, and empathy. By practicing active listening, showing empathy, validating your spouse’s feelings, and engaging in open, nonjudgmental communication, you can create an environment where your spouse feels truly heard and understood. This foundation of mutual respect and emotional connection is essential for a strong and healthy.