Why ‘Self-Care’ Is Actually Making You More Miserable (And What to Do Instead)

Oh, darling, pour yourself a glass of something strong and settle in, because Auntie Yand is about to pop the biggest, glitteriest bubble in modern wellness culture: self-care is a lie.

Yes, I said it. Come at me, bubble-bath influencers.

We’ve been sold this fantasy that if we just light enough candles, buy enough jade rollers, and say “I’m prioritizing myself” enough times, we’ll magically transform into glowing, unbothered queens who manifest success and serenity like it’s a Buy One Get One Free deal at Target.

But let’s be real—how many of you have done a face mask, meditated for 10 minutes, and still cried into your pizza at 2 a.m.? Exactly.

So today, I’m exposing the truth about the self-care industrial complex—and giving you the real tools to actually feel better. Spoiler: it doesn’t involve a $80 candle.

1. Self-Care Has Become Consumerism in a Yoga Pants Costume

You don’t need a 12-step skincare routine or a subscription box full of crystals to “heal.” What you do need is to stop confusing retail therapy with self-respect.

Buying things to soothe your pain is like putting a bandage on a bullet wound. It might look pretty, but you’re still bleeding underneath.

2. It’s Teaching You to Avoid, Not Address

Real self-care isn’t about escaping your problems—it’s about facing them. But instead of doing the hard work (setting boundaries, having tough conversations, quitting that soul-sucking job), we’re told to “unplug” and “treat ourselves.”

Treating yourself is great. But if your “treat” is ignoring your mental health for a temporary dopamine hit, that’s not care—it’s procrastination.

3. It’s Made You Obsessed With Being “Okay”

The pressure to be constantly “calm,” “positive,” and “thriving” is exhausting. Sometimes you’re not okay. And that’s… okay.

Real growth isn’t about pretending everything’s fine. It’s about sitting in the discomfort and learning something from it. You can’t heal what you won’t even acknowledge.

4. It’s Individualizing Systemic Problems

You can’t bubble-bath your way out of burnout caused by a capitalist hellscape. You can’t sage your way out of poverty. You can’t “manifest” your way out of oppression.

Self-care culture loves to tell us that our suffering is personal—not political. That if we just try harder or think better, everything will work out. That’s not empowerment—it’s gaslighting.

5. It’s Made You Selfish, Not Self-Aware

There’s a fine line between self-care and self-absorption. If your version of “caring for yourself” means ignoring your friends, ghosting your responsibilities, and acting like everyone else is “too much,” that’s not self-love—it’s self-isolation.

True self-awareness means understanding how your actions affect others. And sometimes, the most self-loving thing you can do is show up—even when you don’t feel like it.

So, What Actually Works?

If self-care isn’t the answer, what is? Darling, it’s simpler (and harder) than you think:

• Do the thing you’ve been avoiding. Send the email. Make the call. Have the conversation.
• Build real community. Not followers. Not likes. People who will show up for you when the candles are out and the crystals are dusty.
• Get uncomfortable. Growth happens at the edge of your comfort zone, not in a rose-scented bath.
• Rest without guilt. Not because you “earned it,” but because you’re a human being who needs it.

Final Thoughts: Stop the Performance

You don’t need to perform wellness for anyone. Not your Instagram followers. Not your “high-vibe” friends. Not even yourself.

What you do need is to get honest. Get messy. Get real.

And if this article made you a little uncomfortable? Good. That means it’s working.

Now, I want to hear from you: What’s the most ridiculous “self-care” advice you’ve ever received? Drop it in the comments below—and don’t forget to subscribe because next week, I’m taking down the hustle culture lie.

Stay raw. Stay real. And for the love of all things holy—stay subscribed. 💋

Yand Bullosy

Your favorite unfiltered truth-teller, here to pop bubbles and save souls.