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Why it's Harder to Find Love: The Psychological Reasons Behind It

In our quest to find love, we often overlook the psychological reasons why it’s so hard to find. We assume that everyone is out there finding love and that it’s just a matter of opportunity. Maybe they’re too busy or shy, or maybe they need more friends first? So why does it feel like so many people are struggling to find love? Why is the classic tale of boy meets girl, falls in love, and lives happily ever after increasingly rare? We all know someone who has struggled to find love — which makes us think that it must be harder than usual

By Marquetta BaileyPublished 3 years ago 4 min read
Why it's Harder to Find Love: The Psychological Reasons Behind It
Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

In our quest to find love, we often overlook the psychological reasons why it’s so hard to find. We assume that everyone is out there finding love and that it’s just a matter of opportunity. Maybe they’re too busy or shy, or maybe they need more friends first. So why does it feel like so many people are struggling to find love? Why is the classic tale of a boy meets a girl, falls in love, and lives happily ever after increasingly rare? We all know someone who has struggled to find love — which makes us think that it must be harder than usual. However, this isn’t necessarily true. It could simply be that our social circles aren’t big enough: perhaps there aren’t enough people looking for other partners, or perhaps we have too many acquaintances with incompatible interests and needs.

True love is within you

An Illusion of Choice

There’s a growing trend towards the ‘single but not dating crowd. This group of people is on the rise, and we tend to assume they’re just not trying hard enough. We believe that they must just be too busy to date, or perhaps they’re too shy to meet people. Or they’re just waiting for the right person to come along! You might be one of these people. It’s not easy to walk up to someone in a bar and ask them out, especially if you’re not in your 20s or 30s anymore. There’s a lot of pressure to find someone and the feeling of being left behind if you don’t. The feeling that you’re running out of time.

Shifting Expectations

As our culture evolves, it’s changing the way we approach love, romance, and sex. Take online dating, for example, it’s a great tool for meeting new people, but it’s also a breeding ground for low expectations. As soon as you log on, you can find tons of potential dates on your smartphone or computer. It’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling like it’s too easy to find someone: what if someone like you is already out there, but you never know? These expectations can be dangerous — we can end up feeling like we don’t have to put in any effort to find someone, but that’s not the way it works.

Cultural Changes

It’s important to think about how our values have shifted. For example, in the past, people were expected to marry by a certain age. Today, we’re not so worried about this. Likewise, in the past, women might have felt pressure to marry and have children young, but this is less common today. These changes have implications for how we approach dating and finding love, and it’s important to keep these cultural changes in mind when trying to understand the struggle to find love. How do you approach dating if you’re not worried about getting married young? What does it mean if you don’t want to have children until your 30s or 40s?

True love is within you

The Rise of the Asexual Cohabitation Culture

Many people today are opting for cohabitation over marriage. This has negative ramifications for long-term relationships, as it doesn’t indicate any real commitment. This can be a symptom of settling or just a sign that people aren’t ready to settle down. Whereas marriage is a strong commitment, a long-term relationship without the stability of marriage can be difficult to navigate. This can be especially true if both people are asexual. This isn’t a bad thing, but it can be problematic when people don’t talk openly about their expectations, so they aren’t prepared for the difficulties they may face as a couple.

The Science Behind Why It’s Harder to Find Love

There’s been a lot of research over the past few years about why it’s harder to find love. Let’s take a look at some of the findings. - People are waiting longer to marry and have children. As we’ve discussed, this has implications for dating and finding love. - More people are living alone. This means that there are fewer potential dating partners out there. - People are less likely to date their neighbors. This is important because neighbors are often a great source of partners. - More distractions are competing for our attention, including social media. - Porn has become more normalized as a pastime, and it’s easier to access.

Conclusion

Finding love can seem like a daunting task, but it doesn't need to be so hard. As you can see, a lot of the reasons why it's harder to find love are both social and cultural factors that can be changed. You can't control the societal factors that are changing the dating game, but you can control how you approach dating and how you view finding love in the modern world. To find love, you need to be open to dates, you need to be open to finding love, and you need to remember: love is out there, you just have to be open to seeing it.

True love is within you

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