Why Am I Not Happy?

We all want things in life. Desire is built into our genetic code. But even in this age when we have achieved more physical comfort and more mechanization resulting in ease of work than at any other time in history, we are still not happy. This seems odd, doesn’t it? After all, we are all told from a young age that once we get the right mate, the right house filled with the right stuff, drive the right car and have the right job, then we will be HAPPY. So what happened? We did all the work, got the stuff, but still no joy. I want to offer that perhaps we have been sold a bill of goods and led down the primrose path. You see, when we do all the “right” things, we may not be happy, but all the people selling us crap and getting us to behave/vote a certain way certainly are, or at least think they are. The missing ingredient here is so simple yet often so very difficult to achieve. True happiness requires us to think in a different way.

You see, I did all the right things; school, job, wife, kids. And the year I was 50 it all fell away. I had worked in computer and electronic repair for almost 30 years. When I was younger I loved science and electronics and it was the up and coming thing so everyone told me, “Get into computers, you’ll make lots of money.” So that’s what I did. I woke up one day, after having begun training in karate a few weeks earlier, and suddenly asked the question we never ask and are often encouraged not to ask by preachers and teachers and politicians: WHY? Why am I doing this work? Why do I live here? What the hell is the point of all this anyway? I had dreams and plans and goals when I was younger, things I wanted to be or do. One big problem, they weren’t mine. You see, with all good intention, our teachers and preachers and parents all try to guide us into what they believe will lead us to a successful life, albeit usually in total ignorance of what that even means. They want us to have a “good” life, better than what they had. In the west, that usually comes down to making maximum income. This is only achieved through school, emotional well being can only be found in marriage and spiritual well being comes from belonging to our communities accepted religious doctrine. So who is truly happy? Kids.

Think about the young children you know or observe. Aren’t they normally organically happy? Of course. You see in large part they are happy because they have few needs or wants. Mostly they are well fed, they have some friends and engage in pleasing activities (excluding school) as they see fit. You see they have not yet been filled with the idea of “more.” But as they grow they are programmed to always be reaching for more, more school, more relationships, more money, more stuff. Eventually this becomes a way of thinking, a trap that can never be escaped. The key to their happiness, I believe, is that they are not looking for it outside of themselves, they simply are happy to be alive.

But as we are taught to want and achieve more and more, the locus of happiness moves to outside of us. We now depend on other people, other objects to MAKE us happy. The truth is, if you cannot learn, or relearn to be happy from the inside, then nothing external to you will ever MAKE you happy. You have to learn to be happy. This is a process that takes time and effort and it requires us to do something else foreign to our societies directives. We must take responsibility for ourselves. We must come to understand that the condition we find ourselves in is almost if not entirely a result of our own actions and attitudes. Think about what we have all said. “They MADE me so angry.” Now think about that, can someone really MAKE you feel an emotion? Can they go inside your body or mind and make changes that force you to behave or even feel a certain way? It seems whenever we are unhappy we immediately look for someone or something to blame. Usually this comes down really to the fact they are not behaving or living the way we would like them to. We subconsciously tell ourselves things like, If only so and so would behave differently, I would be happy. The reality is, that even if they changed, or we got a different partner all together, things would most likely end up the same. Haven’t you known people who repeatedly get married and divorced always seem to pick the wrong person, according to them? Isn’t it more likely they are the source of the problem? But this flies in the face of our western culture where we are encouraged to blame anyone, from the government to some disembodied deity for all of our ills and dissatisfactions in life. So how do we fix this? Simple but not easy.

We must learn to cultivate a different though process, a different life paradigm, in order to find happiness. We must find ways to stop the incessant noise of modern life and pause all the non-stop activity so that we can regain control of our own minds and discover the true peace and tranquility that comes from knowing we are not separate beings, but rather integral parts of a greater whole in an ever changing and infinite reality. We must further realize that our existence on this physical plane is just a temporary situation, that our true selves are immortal and energetic in nature, not simply organic reactionary things. I have come to this place of understanding through years of meditation, studying the Tao Te Ching, Tai Chi /Qi gong and alternative healing methods. It is my sincerest hope I can help you on your journey as well by sharing what I have learned.

Till next time.

A Mi Tuo Fo.