When Self-Care Becomes a Burden: The Quiet Pressure to Always Be "Healing"

It started off as something gentle.

A bath after a long day. A walk in nature. Saying no to things that drained you. “Self-care” became a lifeline during hard times—especially through the chaos of the pandemic.

But somewhere along the way, it got rebranded.

Now, it’s a market. A moodboard. A checklist. Something to be tracked, optimized, and posted. And suddenly, the thing that was supposed to make us feel better started making many of us feel like we weren’t doing enough.

Welcome to the paradox of performative self-care.

Healing Is Not a Hustle

It started off as something gentle.



A bath after a long day. A walk in nature. Saying no to things that drained you. “Self-care” became a lifeline during hard times—especially through the chaos of the pandemic.



But somewhere along the way, it got rebranded.



Now, it’s a market. A moodboard. A checklist. Something to be tracked, optimized, and posted. And suddenly, the thing that was supposed to make us feel better started making many of us feel like we weren’t doing enough.



Welcome to the paradox of performative self-care.



You don’t have to earn rest. You don’t have to be constantly “working on yourself.” But it’s easy to forget that when every scroll shows you color-coded journals, aesthetic routines, or 6 a.m. meditations under a caption about “growth.”

It can make you feel like if you’re not reading five self-help books, doing daily affirmations, and drinking green juice with adaptogens, then you’re failing at healing.

But here’s the truth: healing doesn’t always look beautiful. Or productive.

Sometimes it looks like laying in bed and just surviving. Sometimes it means not doing anything “for your wellness” that day. And that’s okay.

The Pressure of Doing Everything "Right"

What used to feel like a comfort now feels like a standard we can’t meet.

You might recognize the signs:

• Feeling guilty for “wasting” a day off

• Judging yourself for not journaling, meditating, or exercising “enough”

• Comparing your healing journey to others online

• Feeling exhausted by the idea of another self-care ritual

At its worst, the pressure to always be growing or healing can morph into self-criticism disguised as self-improvement.

Where Did the Simplicity Go?

Not everything needs a strategy or aesthetic.

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do for your mental health is be gentle with yourself.

Drink some water. Put on a hoodie you love. Cry if you need to. Watch a dumb movie. Text a friend. You don’t need to post it. You don’t need to write about it. Just live it.

Self-care isn't a brand. It's a need.

And it can look messy, small, boring—even selfish. That doesn't make it any less real.

So, How Do We Reclaim It?

We start by stripping it down to the basics.

• Ask yourself: What actually makes me feel better? Not what looks good. What feels good.

• Let it be imperfect. You don’t need to light a candle and read a poem to count something as self-care.

• Don’t let social media be your measuring stick. No one posts their breakdowns between skincare steps.

• Allow rest without guilt. Being still is productive in its own way.

• Say no to trends that don’t serve you. Not every method is meant for you—and that’s okay.

And most importantly, remember that healing isn’t linear. You don’t need to prove that you’re doing it right.

Give Yourself Permission to Just Be

There’s no medal for “best self-care routine.” No ranking of who’s healing the hardest.

You don’t need to constantly optimize your emotions.

You don’t have to turn every moment into a breakthrough.

Sometimes just getting through the day is enough.

So if all you did today was survive, that counts.

If all you could manage was feeding yourself and breathing through anxiety, that’s enough.

You’re still healing, even when it’s quiet and invisible.

You’re not behind. You’re human.

And that’s more than enough.