Understanding Autism in Girls

Today , we’re diving into the topic of autism in girls—why their symptoms often go unnoticed and how this impacts the journey for women on the spectrum to receive a diagnosis. Let me start with a disclaimer: I am not a doctor. Calling Doctor Yo Samdy Sam: “I’m sorry to tell you this, sir, but according to this medical research, this brain will have to be removed.” It’s crucial to note that not all autistic women exhibit the same characteristics, and many autistic boys and men may display these traits as well. My observations are about how autism might present differently in girls compared to boys.

My initial clue that I might be autistic came from a YouTube video on a channel called Invisiblei (which I’ll link below). Inspired by that, I decided to create this video in hopes of helping others who might be in a similar situation. If I can assist even one person, that’s enough motivation for me to continue. I was only recently diagnosed this year, and it’s ironic because I graduated with a psychology degree. During my graduate studies, autism was primarily taught as a condition affecting males. Simon Baron-Cohen, a prominent researcher, proposed the “extreme male brain” theory, emphasizing the stereotypical male presentation of autism: an obsession with trains or numbers, repetitive behaviors like headbanging, poor social skills, and isolation.

Despite struggling throughout my adolescence and early adulthood—self-diagnosing with conditions ranging from depression to PTSD and borderline personality disorder—it never occurred to me that I could be autistic because I didn’t fit this stereotype. I wonder how many people with autism actually align with these stereotypes.

Let’s begin by discussing stims, or self-regulatory behaviors. While stims are often associated with noticeable and sometimes disruptive actions, such as headbanging, many stims are subtle and easily dismissed as quirks. For example, I used to engage in behaviors like biting or chewing on my hair, tapping my fingers, and biting the inside of my cheeks. These were once pointed out to me as abnormal, leading me to try and suppress them. Over the years, my stims included playing with my hair, nail biting, skin picking, and visual stimming—fascination with moving or glowing objects like lava lamps. Though less dramatic than headbanging, these behaviors are still integral to how I manage stress and regulate myself.

Next, let’s explore social and communication skills. Girls with autism often excel at blending in, imitating, and adapting, which can mask their difficulties. During my teenage years, I struggled with social interactions, feeling isolated despite having friends. I often found it hard to be myself except in one-on-one situations. Social communication issues extend beyond simply having friends; for instance, I had difficulty speaking to boys and teachers. My academic success and lack of facial expressions led others to overlook my need for support.

Executive functioning issues have also been a significant challenge for me. These issues include difficulties with organization, procrastination, and motivation. My academic ability masked these struggles, leading to last-minute cramming and lying about why I missed deadlines. As an adult, managing household responsibilities became overwhelming, especially when rigid schedules didn’t work. The pressure to maintain an organized home, often exacerbated by social media comparisons, added to my sense of inadequacy.

Special interests are another aspect of autism that can vary. While I didn’t have a fixation on trains, I could tell you everything about the Spice Girls at age 10, list every episode of Friends by age 14, and felt genuine grief when my favorite show, Buffy, ended. For autistic women, special interests might not always be unconventional but are characterized by their intensity and depth. I also have a tendency to “information dump” when excited about a topic.

Sensory sensitivities are central to my experience of autism. I’ve always been highly sensitive to sensory stimuli, identifying as a highly sensitive person (HSP) before my autism diagnosis. This sensitivity affects me even in my controlled environment. As a child, I was averse to loud noises, certain foods, and textures. My mother even had to modify my clothing to make it tolerable. This sensitivity is not just emotional but physical, affecting how I interact with the world.

Finally, let’s discuss comorbid or misdiagnosed mental health conditions. Autistic girls might blend in but can struggle with depression and anxiety due to feeling different and out of place. I often felt like an outsider, developing social anxiety from repeated rejections. Despite finding solace in my interests, understanding why I was different could have improved my self-esteem and mental well-being.

This overview of my experiences highlights common traits among many autistic girls and women. I hope this information challenges existing stereotypes about autism and provides insight into the experiences of those on the spectrum. Thanks and see you next time!