Toilet Paper Crisis in Australia

Okay, so I woke up one fine morning and just like any morning, I picked up my phone and open Facebook, Instagram, YouTube... you name it. And all I see is 'AUSTRALIA'S TOILET PAPER CRISIS!', 'Paper Panic: Toilet Paper argument turns violent', 'Toilet paper feeding frenzy' and all I could think of was,

lols.

It's not like I don't care about what's happening (obviously, or else I wouldn't be writing about this in the first place), but c'mon. It's toilet paper. There's only a few known purposes for toilet paper and that is to wipe our sh-ts. Why is it that TP (let's keep it short for toilet paper), is being pulled off our shelves quicker than I could even take a single step?

Well, let's just jot down what we know so far.

- Covid-19, a virus that originated from Wuhan, China (as it is presumed. Any conspiracy theorists catch what I mean?) has rapidly spread all over the world and put countries such as Italy into lock down.

- There are fears of the virus being the biggest threat to humanity evoked by the media.

- This fear has everyone doing the most common sense hygienic practice: wash your hands, sneeze into your elbow, etc,

- and Australia is spiking up in cases of corona virus with approximately 692 cases reported so far.

I'm just going to go on a stretch here and say that, TP is somehow going to save them from Covid-19 when Australia presumably goes into lock down. All hail TP. First thing I thought people would buy would be plenty of canned foods and milk and rice, but I guess taking a dump is more important..? Are they also going to digest all that toilet paper in a lock down?

And you know what, I don't even blame them for the sense of fear of getting this virus. Even I would be scared of the unknown and unpredictability of contracting it.

That one time that I thought I got coronavirus was when I went grocery shopping at Glen Waverley and it wasn't as busy as it used to be, but I didn't take note of that until later, when I checked the news and it was reported on that same day that a man in his 60's was confirmed positive for coronavirus at a diner. I wasn't close to any diner but the fear of myself having it got me overthinking. The next day, I woke up with a sore throat and runny nose and I just thought ' Yup, I'm out'.

Texted my boyfriend and he sent me a screenshot of ways Covid-19 can be eliminated and one of them was extreme heat and luckily for me, it was a 30 degrees day and I took my chances basking in the hot sun. My sister was watching me and thinking what an idiot I am and I'm just standing there squinting at her, my arms on my hips, sweating like crap. I don't know if I got the virus or not but I definitely felt better with a cost of a really dark tan.

The point is, we overthink about things we don't know and do stupid sh-t, however, if we just equip ourselves with more knowledge we wouldn't be going through a TP crisis and using derogatory slurs against the Chinese.

Anyways, since the crisis I have realised that I got myself a situation. I am running out of TP and as you may have guessed, I was never able to buy actual TP (thanks to the bulk buyers), but replaced it with the serviettes instead. Although I was able to buy an alternative. For all those who are greatly suffering from using serviettes that drench quickly upon contact with your faeces, pay attention. Go to ebay.com and go buy yourself a nozzle toilet seat bidet.

Now this has saved me from using a lot of tissues and I have never felt so clean after a toilet session. It's basically one of those high tech Japanese toilets that spray your lower parts until you feel that you're clean. FYI, this isn't an ad, it's genuine.

I'm not a smart person or a journalist. I'm just a regular gal seeing this disaster unfold and what I'm inferring so far is that the rate of fatality and coronavirus cases isn't going to stop with toilet paper. Stop buying a lot of it, save some for the rest of us and stay healthy.